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User: MrN

2003-08-11
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Posted in Legal ages on 2004-06-11 16:56:33

errrrr

How can one even begin to set an age for anything? I mean, isn't it sort of depending on the individual's maturity... some might be ready to drink/smoke/have sex when they're 12.. some not before they're 30 (yes, thirty), it really differs. I know there has to be laws out there, to protect those unable to protect themselves, so we set a fixed standard, which we sort of agree is the right one. All that's is fair, but as for knowing when one is ready, well, that's up to the individual really. Just my ten cents. MrN

Philosophers around the world have fought with this question for centuries, To Know One Self... it's not as easy to answer as one might think. We are programmed from day one, by our parents, by society, by pop culture and so on and so forth. The trick is to toss off all the biases and preconcieved ideas, which isn't easy at all either... what is left after all those things are gone should, idealy, be the original "you" so to speak... I've been on this earth for 37 years, and still I haven't fully found myself, though I'm still working on it. I've found that listening to my heart helps (that too isn't easy, the heart has no "right" opinions, only ones true feelings) it's a bit of a job, and it's neccessary to be very aware of ones ingrained thoughts and reactions... it's doable, but takes work and good freinds that are able to listen (luckily I have such friends). Anyway, just my two cents here. Be well all you lovely folks. Greets from MrN ========== In Reply To ========== The human mind is a funny thing. We all think we're unique and yet we can't be sure. We all think we know ourselves and yet I am not too sure we do. Ask me tomorrow and I can't even give you a precise description about what mood I am in as I post this message. Do I really know myself? Most of us make an effort trying to understand the outside world and make sense out of it without being able to even sort out our thoughts, beliefs, feelings by seriously considering them through the values deep within us. It's fine to think that the problem is out there but it is usually the easy way out the weak resort to. As we have seen for ourselves in this very poll, people have a habit of pointing their fingers.

Shapely, perhaps you need to play a little mind game. Imagine yourself in the shoes of those people you are very much angry with. Try to see the various reaons why things happen to be the way they are. See them in your minds eye, and reason out with the various outcomes. Perhaps it's not as infuriating as you thought it was. Or perhaps, you decide that the things that happened are wrong but it won't affect your life. Perhaps....perhaps...

Jubeisan, if you look around you, you would notice that many people seem to to be mixed up with their identities. What do you think the reason is behind it? There are several factors I believe but what would you say are the most important ones??

Brownsuga'

Posted in Parents- what is OK at a group for children? on 2003-11-20 09:31:00

Rample on love. I must of course apologize for my preconcieved notion that you be a US citizen... my biases thought ahead of me there.. and I'm danish btw. be well Rosa, greets from MrN

========== In Reply To ========== Number one: What on Earth makes you think I'm American? I used English spelling, my email address ends with .ac.uk, I compared child protection in Bulgaria with child protection in the UK, and referred to English kids rather than Bulgarian kids. And for the record, when George Bush comes here on Wednesday I'll be protesting with everyone else. Where are you from? I always thought of holy moley as a bit of an americanism myself...

I thought controversy/morality was the most appropriate category for the poll because it is essentially about protecting kids from paedophiles, and about the level of touching that would be considered 'normal' and what people would raise an eyebrow at. I thought that could get quite controversial because people would have different views on what the people who were looking after their children should be doing with them. This turned out to be the case if you look at the results. Also, what other category would it have gone in? School life is mainly aimed at people who are at school, and since I was talking about young children who mainly don't know about paedophilia and child protection (except for vague stuff about 'stranger danger') it was parents' responses that I wanted. Miscellaneous is mainly stuff about what sort of pirate you'd be or whether you like custard and stuff, so it didn't seem the place for a serious poll.

I started the poll because I thought there was a big discrepancy between the rules in different situations. In my current group the rules seem quite strict- being allowed to hug kids has the potential to be abused, but tigging??!! I really don't see how games that constitute a small amount of touching could be considered child abuse. Certainly it doesn't seem to bother the kids, and some even seem to prefer it if the adults get involved. On the other hand, in Bulgaria, the orphanage staff just accepted 3 unknown volunteers with no formal checking, rarely even looked at the activities we were running, allowed us to go off to the sports field up the road with the kids, go to their rooms, pick them up, do whatever we wanted really. I daresay if any of us had wanted to do anything untoward, it would have been pretty easy. But as I've never had kids of my own, and feel a long way off doing so, I don't really feel it's up to me to judge whether the rules in my group are too strict or if the organisation that I went to Bulgaria with was too lax. I wanted to know where parents stood on the issue- some amount of touching makes the group easier to run and as you say, can even be viewed positively by the children, but where do you draw the line between allowing that and letting paedophiles take advantage of the situation? I tried to include every sensible situation where an adult might touch a child in the first part of the poll, and put down every view I could think of on the later questions, whether I thought it was sensible or not. Indeed some people have ticked options that I was thinking/hoping no-one would tick e.g. that only parents should be leading the group, that my conduct at the Bulgarian orphanage was so bad I should never go there again, that you should never put pictures of children on the web, that parents shouldn't be allowed to come along to a meeting unless they are regular leaders (?!), that an adult's sexuality affects what they should be allowed to do in the group... so it seems I was justified in putting options like that on the poll. I think the results so far are showing that people do indeed have very varied views on what is OK and what isn't, but it seems the majority tend towards a more lax attitude than my group currently has. So perhaps I'll try and lead the trend towards joining in the games soon. It seems that if kids are being annoying and not sitting in the circle I still can't pick them up and put them there though- that would save so much time! Ah well.

Hugging is a bit more of a grey area- maybe I should edit the poll again and put in a question specifically about hugging. It's a bit hard to tell from that first list. I'll not do that so soon after I edited it the first time though.

Sorry for rambling a bit, Rosa.

Thanks love. Be well out there in that pesky real life. hugs from MrN

========== In Reply To ========== Nice message!! I am with it all the way!

Brown suga'

Love whomever you love. ...now... What about that G.W.Bush?... is he dim or what? Church and state united again?.. uh oh, sounds like a recipe for trouble. Anyway, Be well you lot, I'm trying to quit smoking, and darnit, that's hard. MrN