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Posted in How it was for boys punished by men before 1990 on 2018-04-23 08:16:36

Hi Rick

I hope you saw the message I left on the should parents cane their children site. Either way that is on a different topic.

I learnt quite early that telling lies was seldom a good idea. If you were not detected you did not need to lie, if you were detected lying was not going to help you. Saying sorry could sometimes help you but if you have done the deed you have to face the music. Saying sorry simply is not enough. I agree with you that trying to tell your side of the story with the caveats exclusions and exceptions that have occurred to you since you were detected is not going to change anything. In such a situation anything you say can only make things worse. But I do remember my grandfather asking about my side of the story telling me there was nothing I could say could possibly make the situation worse.

Can you remember the times your dad used the belt on you or do they all merge into one? Was the tanning you got for running your mouth when you were 16 the worst? Or were they all that bad at the time? Did you ever ask for a licking instead of a grounding or vice versa? I think a lot of boys are punished both ways at times but are not given the choice. I would never do that in case my parents thought I needed both. My parents did not need to punish much. By strength of character and good example they maintained and discipline but if we needed a spanking, that is what we got. Not brutal, not abusive but plenty of sting for a young boy bottom. Quite frankly I was more scared of the school cane. It was used more often and hurt way more.

The benefits of being at boarding school were mixed. Discipline was between you and the headmaster. There was no worry about a note and a licking from your dad when he got home. Mine took the view that if you misbehaved at school you should be punished at school and if you misbehaved at home you should be punished at home. You cannot say fairer than that. Was that occasion when you were first paddled at school the first time your dad used a belt on you? Did your bottom become well acquainted with the belt over the next few years? Did get them down mean your briefs as well as your jeans? Is that it how was for you and your friends?

As a parent you have to do what you think is best for your child and in some cases that may still be spanking however hard you find it. Just as your dad is your best guide growing up so he can be your guide as adult and parent still sharing his experience and expertise. I think we all practice what we learn from our dads, knowing just how effective it is.

There was never much crying at home and what there was I think was more from shame then from pain. I do not recall a release of guilt inside me. Maybe it was there without me recognizing it. Maybe it was because I was never that naughty at home so never felt that guilty. At school there was no way anyone other than the youngest kids was going to start to bawl at school in front his mates or the head.

There was no way of hiding any marks on your bottom and quite often you would see a boys bottom with red or black stripes across it. You knew there was only one way he could have got those but you seldom knew why

I hope you are finding plenty to keep you busy. Retirement maybe a time to slow down but it should not be a time to give up. So long as you feel young enough and fit enough to stay busy I would think retirement is something to relish.

Take care and keep in touch.

Richard

Posted in Should parents cane their children on 2018-04-22 12:18:27

Hi Rick

It is a long time since we have spoken on this forum. That is what happens when you lose or forget your password

As such a high flyer my parents were perplexed as to why I was struggling at school having just passed the common entrance exam with some remarkable scores. They even took me to see an educational psychologist. Anyway no thanks to him things worked out for me better than they could possibly have imagined.

When I look back on our experiences growing up I am amazed at some of the things I did and sometimes wonder did I really do that? And I know I did. Of course some days are better than other days but that is life. Apparently a lot of boys underachieve at school. I was not the only 16 year old ever to have problems. But having done so well at prep school I was confused too.

Yes the prefects were sixth formers only 3 or 4 years older than us. I was 14 when the head of house slippered me. He might have been 18. As head of house he was authorised to expected to and did beat younger boys- nothing serious- never more than 3 or 4 swats and with nothing much more serious than a slipper. We did not question it. That is just the way it was. But things were slowly changing. When my dad went to that school all sixth formers were expected to cane younger boys.

If caught with alcohol or cigarettes the house master would deal with you. It never happened to me but mates were beaten with the cane for both of those. Four strokes from our house Master- an expert- were a formidable punishment and legendary. It is difficult to know how bad it hurt because boys were boys and would never say it hurt. We were bribed by our parents. £100 if you do not smoke before you are 21. £100 was a lot of money then. I was not ever caught smoking but nor did I get my £100. My parents I presume knew that I could be caned at school and approved. But there was not much spanking at home. I do not know what would have happened if I had been caught smoking like you were. By the time I was 14 or 15 a number of my friends was surreptitiously smoking at Rugby. I suspect it was more case of rebelling than anything else and I joined in because they were cool, I wanted to be with the cool gang. I would think when you were caught smoking you had a good idea about what would happen when you got home. And yes a spanking even on your briefs or pajamas hurts like heck. And waiting in your room when you know what is going to happen is like a punishment in itself.

By the time I went to High School (13) I was used to changing and showering with other boys. I was a little bit shy on the first day at prep school, but I was 11 and did what everyone else did. I do not think boys are that shy at 11. It happens later. When a friend stayed overnight we would change and sleep in the same room. When we played in the woods sometimes shorts or jeans came down and sometimes the games we played with each other ended up with losers naked or spanked bare. I remember the first time I went to Harry's after school. We were nine and curious enough to both briefly drop our shorts and underwear while his mum was cooking tea for us. But nearly all the time I was playing with my mates my jeans stayed up and on.

I think boys benefit and learn from firm discipline and clear boundaries. Punishment should be consistent and fair. Most boys do not need much punishment but probably all of us need it sometimes and parents who think they are being kind to their children in not punishing them (or not being up to it) are actually letting them down. I never liked punishment I never got much but I knew what could happen.

In all I was caned four times at prep school- three times fully deserved and once I (we) had note done ANYTHING! I cannot count the times I was NOT caned when I deserved and expected it. Swings and roundabouts. Funny thing is I cannot remember those but even now I can remember everything about the times I was caned. So maybe that tells something about the merits of that kind of punishment. What do you think?

Richard

Posted in How it was for boys punished by men before 1990 on 2018-03-07 10:28:45

Hi Rick

I can identify with your phrase reshape the truth. We used to do something like that leaving out critical or incriminating details or perhaps embroidering the facts with some details that might not be quite match what had happened. But sometimes you had to fess up and face the music. But most of the time my dad could tell if I was lying and I found out that was not a smart way to go. It was no fun being punished for lying on top of being punished for whatever it was I had done in the first place.

Were you surprised as a 13 year old to find your dad was going to paddle you rather than spank you like you did when you were eight? When you had your own kids living at home did you punish them again if you found out they had been punished at school? I think we learn a lot about parenting from our own parents.

No boy wants to cry at school. Most of all he does not want to cry where anyone can see. What happens at home is between you and your dad. Even if the principal proved your theory wrong I bet the paddling from your dad hurt a lot more. Maybe you were more inclined to cry at home, or maybe it just hurt so much that you could not hold back the tears. I know I cried when I was beaten at home, but I also remember trying not to. Maybe the cane did hurt more than the paddle but I am sure that paddle hurt your bottom plenty. But in England they did not seem to care that our bottoms were bruised and striped for days afterwards. Yeah, you try to stay good after you have been caned. I went to prep school, in the English sense for five terms starting when I was 11. I kept out of trouble my first term and then was caned about once a term. I never did the same thing again if I had been beaten for doing it. If the headmaster had caned us for everything we did wrong he would never have had time to teach. 75% of the time we were not doing anything wrong and of that 25% about 75% was unknown or undiscovered and even if it was it was not always referred to the headmaster and even if it was he did not necessarily beat you. So you had to be quite naughty and very unlucky to be caught and caned. Of course, as boys we were both.

No I never had the opportunity to put on extra layers of clothing before being caned. It was always unexpected and given without prior warning. Yes we talked about beatings at school and schoolmates saw the bruises in the dormitory when you changed for bed in the changing room where you changed for sport and in the showers where you cleaned up afterwards. Apart from that I only pulled down my shorts once for another boy to see my stripes. We did it outside behind the pavilion. It was no big deal to me, but we would both have been in big trouble if we had been caught. Probably been beaten.

Best Wishes for your retirement, but it k looks to me as though you plan to keep busy. I am not far off that great come and get it day myself

Richard

Posted in How it was for boys punished by men before 1990 on 2018-02-14 17:16:37

Hello again Rick

I think I got away with more things than I was punished for and if you balance spankings I should have had but did not get against those I should not have had but did yet I would be well ahead. I did not often get spanked for nothing but it was not always for whatever I had done- only what I was supposed to have done which was not always the same thing! I was always eager to try and talk my way out of trouble, even lying when I thought it was to my advantage. It did not work at home- my dad knew me too well and could tell whether or not I was telling the truth and it did not work at school either. But I tried just the same.

I think that once you have been punished for something that should be the end of it unless you are reckless enough do it again. That is how it was for us. The matter was forgotten and we moved on as friends. My dad knew how to spank my bottom hard but he never left it at that. He would always talk to me afterwards and by the time he left me things were ok between us. There was no such comfort after being spanked at school. I was caned several times at prep school and slippered by a prefect at my famous Public School. Of course I deserved it but as was this boarding school there was no note or notification home. You got beaten and that was the end of it. I was never punished at home for getting into trouble at school. Even if they had known my parents would think it was my own stupid fault but that I had been punished and they would leave it at that. They only asked me once and I had to admit I had been caned. After that they did not embarrass me by asking again. It must have taken the fun out of the day for you having a sore bottom and knowing your dad will do more when he gets home and you will not have the protection afforded certainly by your jeans and probably by your briefs too.

I would think most of those things you mentioned would make you more likely to cry. You did not cry was because you were 13 and a best friend was there and would see if you did. Heck, I was 11 going on 12 the first time I was caned and I did not cry either. Maybe the headmaster did not cane me very hard. Just hard. I had wondered what it was like to be caned and I discovered the intense immediate pain as the stick whacked my bottom which developed over the next hour and hurt even more, and then bruised up. In a few days it would start to subside and in a week or two the pain and the stripes and pain had both gone. And my shorts and briefs offered little consolation. The slipper spanking delivered by the head of house through our pajamas-I do not know anyone who got prefect spanked during the day-stung for a few hours but that was it. The housemasters 4 stroke canings were legendary. Carey and Bill had enough warning to put on two extra pairs of shorts underneath their trousers. Whatever they said the cane still hurt. What boy will admit that? Did you ever try something like that?

Richard

Posted in How it was for boys punished by men before 1990 on 2018-02-01 12:22:03

Hello Rick

I think my boyhood is littered with mischiefs and stunts I was never caught at and never owned up to. If I got away with it I got away with it, but if I was caught the game was up. Sometimes it seemed like a good idea to ty and lie may way out of trouble, (never was good idea) but mostly I had to fess up and face the music. Lying was such a heinous crime that the punishment for that was likely worse than taking the punishment for what I did.

Maybe discipline starting and staying at school was one of the advantages of being at a boarding school where you could go 5-6 weeks without a night at home. I have told you before that the headmaster sometimes caned us but once he finished the incident was over and unless yuu told you parents he certainly never did. My parents did not quiz me closely about that happened at school. Holidays were holidays, a time to forget about school. I should add Rick, I LOVED that school and I was very lucky to be able to go there. Taking 3 of 4 strokes of the cane over the seat of our shorts hurt plenty, and we felt well punished for days afterwards without an extra tanning from a Dad.

Some guys way have done more that gasp- some boys may have cried when they were caned but no self-respecting 11 year old was going to cry in front of school mates or the headmaster. Not from a caning. He knew how to make us cry okay without hitting us. But he seldom did and never so anyone else would know you had been in tears.

A hairbrush can redden up a boys bottom pretty quickly, and somehow a mum could make a hairbrush really sting especially once she had our trousers/shorts down. And even if we kept our underwear up which we sometimes did, our thin white briefs offered little defence and too much bottom was left bare.

Richard