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User: bob76

2007-11-14
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Posted in Punishment on 2019-01-31 15:19:07

Hi Analee,

I don't think embarrassment should be used as punishment, or that children should be spanked naked. To me, it's abusive. Maybe we can agree to disagree about this. Our different opinions might be a result of the way we were brought up. Although my parents sometimes spanked us it was always over our clothes. Although I don't have children my siblings all do, and as far as I know none of them have spanked their kids.

Although at times I've babysat my siblings, cousins, nephews and nieces I've never been told that I had permission to spank them, especially not the way your cousin spanked you. In one early example, when I was 10 years old, I was left in charge when my parents had to leave for a while. They told me that if the other kids misbehaved while they were gone I should make a report when they got back. According to a family letter, when they got back I told them that one of my younger brothers had earned 38 spankings! At stated in the letter, "Sentence was commuted."

I do think spanking women on their bare bottoms can be sexy, but at some level it needs to be consensual. As you put it, the woman gifts herself to a lover. Where I see a problem is when what is essentially a sexual act is applied to children. Your cousin took advantage of his position of authority over you for his own gratification.

Bob

Posted in How bad were you at school? on 2018-11-19 04:49:58

Flash, were you afraid that your parents would punish you they'd known about your detentions or was it more a matter of not wanting to disappoint them? What would have been the likely result? Getting grounded, or just scolded?

It would be interesting to find out how things have changed at the schools that I went to, although as I've mentioned I went to a lot of them. I'm sure things are especially different now in Zimbabwe. I've joined Facebook groups for some of the schools. I've enjoyed talking to people who I knew back then and reading stories about the old days, although it's sad finding out that people have died and seeing photos showing how some of the schools have become run down and neglected.

Bob

Posted in Parenting and Spanking on 2018-11-14 18:30:00

If we'd been living under Roman law I wouldn't have dared to defy my father as I did in the incident described at https://www.misterpoll.com/forums/304479/topics/307311/pg/3. I prefer the modern American system in which children legally become adults at age 18 and there is equality between men and women.

Posted in Parenting and Spanking on 2018-11-14 18:26:05

From "A History of Private Life; From Pagan Rome to Byzantium", edited by Paul Veyne, pages 27 to 29.

====================================================

A peculiarity of Roman law that astonished the Greeks was that every male child, past puberty or not, married or not, remained under the authority of his father and did not become a Roman in the full sense of the word, a paterfamilias, until the father's death. More than that, the youth's father was his natural judge and could privately sentence him to death. A testator had almost unlimited discretion: fathers could disinherit their sons. Hence it was possible for an eighteen-year-old orphan to make his mistress his heir, yet a grown man could take no legal action on his own while his father was alive. "Where a son is involved," one jurist writes, "public officials have nothing to say; though he were consul, he would have no right to borrow money." Such, at any rate, was the theory. What was the practice? Morally it was even worse.

There were of course legal limits to paternal power. Not every father disinherited his children, and to do so one had to be sure not to die intestate. A son deprived of his inheritance could contest the will in the courts. In any case, only three-quarters of his patrimony could be taken away. As for a father sentencing his son to death, a notion that played a large role in the Roman imagination, the last instances date from the time of Augustus and outraged public opinion. Still, a child had no fortune of his own: whatever he earned or inherited belonged to his father. The father could, however, grant him a certain capital, the so-called peculum, to use as he saw fit. Or the father could decide quite simply to emancipate the boy. Sons therefore had grounds for hope and means to act.

But the latter were mere expedients, and hopes were attended by risks. Psychologically, an adult male whose father was alive found himself in an intolerable situation. He could do nothing without his father's consent: he could not sign a contract, free a slave, or draw up his will. He possessed only his peculum, like a slave, and even that could be revoked. Apart from these humiliations there was the risk - quite real - of being disinherited. ...

Sons had one last yoke to bear: without their father's consent they could make no career. ... I should add that the eldest son enjoyed no legal privilege, though tradition encouraged younger sons to respect the priority of the eldest.

Posted in When would you teach your kids about sex? on 2018-11-09 13:31:41

DEAR ABBY: I had planned to wait until my daughter was 12 and in the sixth grade to teach her about sex. Unfortunately, she was given a very thorough, graphically described education by a playmate. At the time, her playmate was in second grade. My daughter was in the third grade. I was devastated! Not only did I feel she was too young, I felt robbed of an experience that should be cherished between a mother and daughter.

I strongly believe that parents should decide for themselves when to teach their children about sex, and the children should not have the experience forced upon them. The playmate's parents like to think of themselves as progressive and nonconformist. When I confronted the mother, she deflected by becoming offended that I would assume they weren't responsible parents. She defended her daughter by saying, "Kids will talk. I'm sure she wasn't out to ruin your daughter's world." Am I wrong to be so offended?

-- Offended in New Jersey

DEAR OFFENDED: Yes. Children DO talk, and 12 is far too late for them to start learning about sex. By then they have probably received an abundance of misinformation about it from their friends. Children are naturally curious about the world around them. That's why "the talk" should start as soon as a child begins asking questions. The facts don't have to be given all at once; the conversation should be ongoing, with more information added in an age-appropriate way.