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Extramarital Affairs

This phenomenon in more prolific than society likes to admit. But in this anonymous forum, you can tell all.
1. Have you ever had an extramarital affair affect your life?
2. If you answered yes the question above, what role(s) have you played in the effect of the affair? (Check all that apply.)
Betrayed Spouse
Wayward Spouse
The Other Woman (Single)
The Other Man (Single)
The Other Woman (Married)
The Other Man (Married)
I was not directly affected.
3. If you answered "indirectly" to question 1., in what way were you involved?
Child of a marriage where the affair occured.
Friend/colleague of the betrayed spouse.
Parent of the betrayed spouse.
Sibling of the betrayed spouse.
Friend/colleague of the wayward spouse.
Parent of the wayward spouse.
Sibling of the wayward spouse.
Friend/colleague of the other person.
Parent of the other person.
Sibling of the other person.
Other/not listed here.
4. If you answered "no" to question 1., have you ever suspected that answer might change to "yes" one day?
Not sure.
Not applicable.
5. What is your relationship status?
Same-sex relationship
Other/not listed
6. What is your age?
younger than 13
7. Do you have children? (Check all that apply.)
Yes, I have children.
No, I don't have children.
I would like more children than I have now.
I have step children.
I have adopted children.
I have foster children.
I do not want children.
8. If you have experience an affair in your marriage, how did it affect it? (Check all that apply.)
It had no effect.
The betrayed spouse never discovered the affair.
It caused the marriage to end.
It caused the marriage to change dramatically, but it did not end.
The marriage experienced temporary difficulties, which have been overcome.
The marriage has never recovered.
The following questions are for betrayed spouses only. If you have never been a betrayed spouse, skip to question 11.
Ignore this placemarker.
9. How did you discover the affair? (Check all that apply.)
I purposely sought out discovery.
Unexplained behavior changes in my spouse. (changes in appearance, patterns, etc.)
Material evidence (clothes, lipstick, cards, etc.)
Hearsay evidence (someone told you)
Electronic evidence (computer records, email, etc.)
Financial evidence (bank statements, phone bills, etc.)
Visual evidence (photographs, video tapes, etc.)
Situational evidence (walking in, overhearing a conversation, witnessing the affair, etc.)
Spouse spontaneously confessed.
I hired a private investigator.
Other/not listed here.
10. When you knew of the existence of an affair, how did you respond? (Check all that apply.)
I did not respond.
I confronted my spouse right away.
I had an emotional outburst.
I sought counseling.
I sought legal counsel.
I left.
I asked my spouse to leave.
I filed for divorce.
I told my family (not including children.)
I told my children.
I hesistated confronting my spouse and hoped the affair would end on its own.
I hesitated confronting my spouse because I did not want the marriage to end.
I hesitated confronting my spouse because I was waiting for a good opportunity.
I physically assaulted my spouse.
I had an affair in retaliation.
I attempted suicide.
I confronted the other person (non-violent).
I confronted the other person (violently).
I thought about killing my spouse.
The following questions are for wayward spouses only. If you've never strayed from a marriage, skip to question 16.
Ignore this placemarker.
11. How many affairs have you had?
More than 5.
12. How would you describe the nature of your affair(s)? (If you've had more than one, check all that apply.)
Sexual only.
Romantic interludes, but not very serious.
Long-term relationships with the understanding that I will not get a divorce.
The person I <b>should have</b> married, and probably will <b>if</b> I get a divorce.
The person I <b>will</b> marry <b>when</b> I get a divorce.
13. Why did you have an affair? (Check all that apply.)
To fulfill sexual needs that were not being met in my marriage.
To fulfill emotional needs that were not being met in my marriage.
To experience a change.
To secure a relationship before I left my spouse, so I wouldn't be alone.
There was strong attraction I did not resist.
Retailation against my spouse for something s/he did to me.
Retaliation against my spouse for having an affair.
There was an opportunity, and I knew I wouldn't get caught.
Other/not listed here.
14. Did you ever get caught?
I'm not sure.
15. How did the affair end?
It is still ongoing.
My spouse found out and I ended it.
The pressure got too high and I ended it.
The pressure got too high and they ended it.
Things weren't working out and I ended it.
Things weren't working out and they ended it.
Their spouse found out and they ended it.
There was an understanding it would end.
It ended with me getting a divorce and being with them.
The following questions are for the "other person" only. If you have never had a relationship with a married person, skip to question 21
Ignore this placemarker.
16. How many married people have you been involved with?
More than 5.
17. Did you know the person was married when you began the relationship?
18. Did you ever expect the married person to leave their spouse?
Yes at first, but as things progressed I changed my mind.
No at first, but as things progressed I changed my mind.
I'm still not sure.
19. What was the nature of the affair?
Sex only.
Romantic interlude, but not very serious.
Long-term relationship with the understanding the married person will not get a divorce.
The person I want to marry, but there's no guarantee they will get a divorce.
The person I want to marry, when they get a divorce.
The person I did marry after they got a divorce.
20. What reasons did the married person give for staying married, rather than getting a divorce and then pursuing other relationships?
This question was never asked.
The children.
Financial risk.
Legal risk.
Insecurity about our relationship.
The spouse would react badly.
They loved their family.
Their job would be at risk.
They liked having an affair.
They feared violent response from the spouse.
Other/not listed here.
They weren't unhappy in their marriage to begin with.
The following questions are for all respondents.
Ignore this placemarker.
21. How do you feel about affairs in a moral context?
Affairs are immoral in every circumstance.
Affairs are immoral except in certain extenuating circumstances.
It depends upon each situation.
Affairs are more moral than divorce.
Affairs are moral, as long as they remain undiscovered.
Affairs are moral in every situation.
I don't have an opinion.
22. Do you think there are more or less affairs in this point in history than there were before?
The same.
23. What do you feel is the underlying cause for affairs? (Check all that apply.)
Social pressures.
Moral pressures.
Work pressures.
Lack of communication.
Marrying too young.
Marrying for the wrong reasons.
Having children.
Lack of religion.
Lack of moral code.
Lack of sufficient punishments for affairees.
Other existing issues in the marriage.
Inability to control impulses.
Biological instincts.
Other/Not listed here.
24. What legal recourse do you think should be available to deal with affairs?
Affairs should be grounds for legal divorce.
Affairs should automatically grant the betrayed spouse more settlement in a divorce.
Affairs should be a civil offense for the wayward spouse.
Affairs should be civil offenses for all parties involved, including the other person.
Affairs should not be the business of the government.
Affairs should be a criminal offense, punishable by fines and/or jail.
25. What is your opinion about violent responses that are common when spouses discover affairs?
It is justified, and they <b>should not</b> be punished.
It is justified, but they <b>should</b> still be punished for it.
It is <b>not</b> justified and they should be punished.
This poll was created on 2002-07-30 18:58:18 by H. Chase