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Ninja Poll 152: Quotes for T-shirts

Pick your favourite Quotes! This will just see what quotes are funnier. Thanks for taking my ninja poll!
My Quotes.
"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."
"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: Everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
"It's all fun and games until someone loses a skull."
5. "What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he aint going to come."
"Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance?"
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars and thought; 'Where the hell is the ceiling'?'"
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died!"
"If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way!"
10. "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing!"
"How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?"
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants!"
"He who laughs last, thinks slowest."
15. "Everyone has photographic memory, most just don't have film."
"Always remember your unique, just like everyone else!"
"If you die in an elevator be sure to push the up button before you go!"
"That looks like something Marks made when Spencer wasn't looking!"
20. "It's tricky this one.... because I have no idea what's going on!"
"The Japanese love their whales.... especially as a starter."
"If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all have to?"
As my old dad used to say, "Which one are you again?"
"It's not big, and it's not funny!"
25. "I'm Isaac Mendez, and I can only apologize!"
"The sport of diving is basically falling over!"
"Porn brings us together, and togetherness... is... porn."
"It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, then it becomes a new game; find the eye!"
30. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidenc that you ever tried!"
"Only the Butterflys can save us now!"
"Truly great friends are hard to find, but impossible to shoot!"
"I would rather feel pain than get hit by a bus."
"Give a man a fire, and he will be warm for a night; set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life!"
35. "Religion is a way of life; Science is why it's wrong!"
"pi is my favourite number... because it is also a food!"
"If I wanted to have sex with you, I would have done it on the way in!"
"If a tree falls in the forst and there's no-one around to hear it, does anyone care?"
"A true friend never gets in your way, because if they do you'll F**KING KICK THEIR ASS!"
40. "This would be a good place to stop, if we weren't moving at the speed of light!"
"A true friend reaches for your hand, but they just want the crisps your eating!"
42. "The friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away, but their still going to get a kicking!"
Other Quotes.
"Get the motherf**king snakes off the motherf**king plane!"- Samual L. Jackson, Snakes on a plane.
"He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"- Monty Python
"If I do die during the show, allow the jingle to be played as normal." - Jimmy Hill, Vaguely Live Radio
"How dare you [dirty] foreigners come into our country, kicking our pigeons!" -Alex Day, Vaguely Live Radio
"Are all puppeteers pedophiles?" -Jimmy Hill
(to alex) "You look like a pirate and I look like a lesbian." -Jimmy Hill
"At least we know the humans and the fish can co-exist peacefully!" -George Bush
"When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you." - Unknown
"I hate people who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?" - Unknown
"I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me..." - Unknown
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown
"Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it!" - Unknown
"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - Unknown
"SEX is not the answer. SEX is the question and YES is the answer!!" - Unknown
"'Tis far better to be pi**ed off than to be pi**ed on." - Unknown
"Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?" - Unknown
"I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own!" - Unknown
"Sex is like MATH. You ADD to the bed, SUBTRACT the clothes, DIVIDE the legs, and MULTIPY!" - Unknown
This poll was created on 2008-09-13 09:47:08 by Blackninja133