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You've Been Cursed

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These are the circumstances. A powerful deity descends from on high and informs youthat, for reasons beyond your understanding, youmust live out the remainder of your life plagued with a terrible curse-a bizare behavioral disorder, an outrageous physical deformity, an irksome inconvenience, etc. The deity is not without compassion, however. He allows you to choose between two possible fates.
Would you rather?
have living eyebrows that crawl about your face
leave a trail of paprika wherever you go
Would you rather?
appear as Yasir Arafat in the mirror
have a bizarre neurological condition where anytime you enter a room, Darth Vader's theme sounds
Would you rather?
briefly turn into Dom DeLuise every forty-five minutes
have skin fifteen times bigger than it needs to be
Would you rather?
have your eyes and nipples switch places
your nose and perineum
Would you rather?
never have had your umbilical cord disconnected from your mother
have had it disconnected and reconnected to Soupy Sales
Would you rather?
have a sinus infection where anytime you sneeze while in the presence of others, they change sex
have the inability to distinguish between babies and English muffins
Would you rather?
have a digitally blurred face like criminals on TV
have your range of bodily movement reduced to that of a G.I. Joe action figure
Would you rather?
have a shower and bathe daily with a hippotamus
have to live with former NBA great Ralph Sampson
Would you rather?
urinate through your nose
smell things with your genitalia
Would you rather?
collect lint at ten thousands times your natural rate
have everything you do in life relayed out loud by Marv Albert
Would you rather?
have to sleep each night between a mattress and a box spring
be allowed to listen to only one musical piece the rest of your life-"Funkytown" by Lipps, Inc
Would you rather?
have an invariable tendency to introduce yourself and others in the voice and style of a professional wrestling announcer
have your legal name changed to Pumpy
Would you rather?
emit the smell of sulfer every time you smile
cry glue
Would you rather?
have the head of Herve Villeches in place of your left hand, and the head of Ricardo Montalban in place of your right hand
be unable to go places without an entourage of bickering Vietnamese politicians
Would you rather?
bendy straws for hair
newspaper for skin
Would you rather?
pork chops for earlobes
magic eight balls fo elbows
Would you rather?
Crayolas for teeth
shrimp for nipples
Would you rather?
be restricted in writing utensils to lip balm
be plagued with the inescapable and involuntary tendency to insert the word "bucket" as every other word you say
Would you rather?
belch the sound of a gong
sneeze the sound of a bowling strike
Would you rather?
vomit marbles
Sweat cheese
Would you rather?
have skin that doesn't tan upon direct contact with sunlight, but rather plaids
have a vocal cord deformity whereupon attempting to utter any type of greeting, the Happy Days theme blasts from your mouth
Would you rather?
eat by putting food down your pants
not
Would you rather be?
a toll booth operator
the guy who mops up at X-rated movie houses
Would you rather be?
the guy on an assembly line who stamps the price tag on a bag of pretzels, fourteen hours a day
Richard Simmons' personal assistant
Would you rather be?
a member of an Amish collective farm
a professional wrestler called "The Tailor" whose gimmick is to alter wrestlers' trunks after pin-fall
Would you rather be?
a super-villian called "The Pharmacist"
the god of upholstery
Would you rather be?
a marine with scant bladder control
a chess grandmasterwith Tourette's syndrome
This poll was created on 2005-04-03 06:35:23 by mark wild