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What are YOUR Ethics and Scruples?

This poll is largely the result of several boring afternoons. (It's also undergone several updates, and might again, so keep checking back.) Consider it an opportunity for personal reflection, and hopefully a few laughs. Take it as seriously as you feel you need to (which isn't very in most cases.) Be advised this is a LONG poll. Try to have fun!
SITUATION: Your neighbor has just bought a small, yapping dog that is left outside and barks at everything from a light breeze onwards. Do you...?
Slip the dog something to make it lose its voice?
Slip the dog some laxative hoping it will offend its owner beyond its worth?
Slip the dog something to make it so drunk it sleeps the night away?
Slip three sadistic alley cats into the yard?
Tell the Oriental restaurant down the street you have a new recipe for them?
SITUATION: You're a high school student. The local "jock" is making time with all the ladies at a party. Do you...?
Try to attract companionship on your own merits?
Ask the jock about the frilly dress and panty hose in his locker?
Spike the jock's refreshments with something that will induce extreme flatulence
SITUATION: You are a toy collector. You see a Star Wars figure for $6.79 that you can get five times that much for on the secondary market. But a small child already has it in his hands, and has the money for it. Do you...?
Let the kid have the toy since toys are for children?
Let the kid have it and hope there's another one on the racks?
Tell the kid there's one in better shape around the corner?
Swipe the figure out of the kid's hands?
Swipe the figure and shake the kid down for his cash?
SITUATION: You work in an office far too reminiscent of "Dilbert". A despised co-worker is choking in the lunchroom. Only you have had lifesaving training. Do you...?
Perform the Heimlich Maneuver and save the life of a fellow human being?
Tell him you'll perform the Heimlich if he makes you look good on your project?
Tell him you'll perform the Heimlich for $10,000 and a corner office?
Walk away and swipe his office supplies and put your name on his projects?
SITUATION: Your house is on fire and your spouse and children are in danger! Do you...?
Bravely rescue your spouse and children at the risk of your own life?
Rouse your spouse, bang on the kids' doors, and bail out?
Bail out of the house and start yelling for your spouse and kids to move it?
Grab the TV and your wallet, bail out, and yell for your spouse and kids?
SITUATION: You live in an apartment. New neighbors have a stereo that would deafen "KISS" and management does nothing. The neighbors have cursed at you when you tried to talk to them. Do you...?
Call the cops?
Call a lawyer and sue management and the neighbors?
Call the cops AND a lawyer?
Spread laxative-laced birdseed on their patio to maybe offend them into moving?
Have a 3:00 AM concert of your own with "The 1812 Overture" and "Hanson"?
SITUATION: It is a hot summer day. Your six year old son has just dashed outside stark naked to play in the yard. Do you...?
Tell him to get his naked little rear back in the house and put some clothes on?
Don't worry about it. Who cares about a naked small child?
Take photographs to show his future prom date 12 years from now?
SITUATION: You're in a movie theater. Everyone's quiet except the nacho-chomping couple behind you with the whining 3-year-old. Do you...?
Turn around, stand up, and yell "SHUT THE %@#$*&!! UP NOW!"?
Ignore it and hope the Dolby Stereo drowns them out?
Report the jerks to theater management?
Stand up and "accidentally" spill your jumbo soda?
Leave the theater and demand your money back?
SITUATION: Your neighbor's pet keeps leaving souvenirs and "marking its territory" on your lawn. Do you...?
Clean it up and figure it's not worth getting upset about?
Try to discuss the matter with your neighbor?
Toss the animal's deposits on your neighbors lawn?
Wait for the animal to come along and retaliate in kind?
SITUATION: Your wife, with whom you're not getting along too well, invites friends over and you're not welcome. Do you...?
Ignore it.
Hope that perhaps talking things out with them will improve your relationship?
Go to the kitchen, chug a beer, and belch loud enough to blow out the windows?
Walk in wearing underwear, scratch yourself, and ask what the @!$% is going on?
SITUATION: You see a small group of protesters burning the American Flag. Do you...?
Ignore it. After all, it's their right to do so?
Find out what the protest is about in case you agree with it?
Knock down the protestor with the burning flag and extinguish it?
Set fire to the protestor's pants?
SITUATION: A car in your neighborhood has an alarm so sensitive that sneezing near it sets it off, and it wails forever. Do you...?
Try to ignore it even at 3:00 AM?
See if someone is actually stealing the car and call the cops?
Attempt a rational discussion with the car's owner?
Take a shotgun to the car and hope you nail the alarm?
Arrange for an expert group of car thieves to solve the problem entirely?
SITUATION: You're a minimum-wage worker at a fast-food joint. You win on a $100 million lottery ticket! With regard to your job, do you...?
Keep the job? It's important to be a productive member of society.
Thank your boss for the experience, but you obviously no longer need the work?
Walk in, drop your pants, and relieve yourself in the french fry vat?
SITUATION: Three teenage punks on bicycles have just nearly run you down. Do you...?
Attempt a rational discussion with them and their parents?
Slash the tires on their bikes?
Steal their bikes and sell them to a junk dealer?
Take a baseball bat to the punks?
All of the above?
SITUATION: You're in a high-rise office building's elevator with four strangers. The elevator jams and the phone doesn't work. Do you...?
Be quiet, since it's a serious matter?
Remark that you've been in this sort of thing before and they'll be out soon?
Try to tell a few casual jokes?
Ask if anyone's ever seen "The Towering Inferno"?
Scream hysterically "We're all going to die!" while sweating profusely?
SITUATION: A youngster in your apartment neighborhood has a noisy radio-controlled car he keeps driving past your window. Do you...?
Ask him to please take the car elsewhere?
Talk to his parents?
Try to pick off the car with your shotgun next time it goes by?
SITUATION: Your neighbor's small dog has developed an intimate infatuation with your leg. Do you...?
Try to discuss proper training with your neighbor?
Put the dog into orbit the next time it attaches itself to your leg?
Sneak over one night and perform a vasectomy with your hedge trimmers?
SITUATION: An infection wipes out your child's half-dozen hamsters while he's at school one day? Do you...?
Wait for him to get home because this would be a good lesson about life and deat
Give them a "burial at sea" and tellyour child they ran away?
Serve up a new variation on "Chicken McNuggets" for dinner?
SITUATION: You've just another annoying sales call during dinner. Do you...?
Politely tell the caller that you're not interested?
Give the caller a lesson in extreme vulgarity?
Blast him with the air horn you usually reserve for football stadiums?
SITUATION: Your 9-year-old son has just returned from playing in the park, and somehow got plastered head to toe in thick, drying mud. He's right at the door. Do you...?
Send the kid around back to the garden hose, and then throw him in the shower?
Stand him in the front yard and show off your new lawn statue?
SITUATION: Your neighbor has just bought a parrot. All it does is squawk incessantly. Do you...?
Ignore it?
Sneak over when your neighbor is away and teach it to swear?
Sneak over when your neighbor is away and have parrot a-la king for dinner?
SITUATION: You're a hopeless cyber-geek. You've barely been away from your computer for six months. A friend intervenes and drags you outside to see a sunset. Do you...?
Stand in awe and wonder at nature's majesty?
Cower in terror that you're seeing the end of the world as the sun burns out
Gasp and choke at your first taste of fresh air in six months?
Ask how long it took for the sunset image to download?
SITUATION: You encounter a street mime who starts to mimic your actions. Do you...?
Ignore him?
Play along to the amusement of others?
Scream in his face in an attempt to make him speak?
Beat him senseless with a baseball bat?
Do the gene pool a favor and blow away his scrawny butt with a .357 Magnum?
SITUATION: You take your young son to the zoo. Upon viewing the monkey cage, you discover that the animals are having intimate relations. Your son is very curious about what they're doing. Do you...?
Carefully explain it to him?
Quickly escort him over to the bird cages?
Toss him into the monkey house for some direct experience?
SITUATION: An astoundingly boring couple has come to visit and has overstayed their welcome by hours. Do you...?
Politely suggest getting together another time "real soon"?
Take your shoes off, put your feet up, and hope the sock stink gets them?
Grab a video and ask if they'd like to see Grandma's mastectomy surgery?
SITUATION: A UFO has just landed near you and four aliens are approaching. Do you...?
Run like hell?
Attempt communication?
Hope they take you away?
Kill three, club the survivor, stash him away, and call the press?
SITUATION: Your eight-year-old son only likes playing with Barbies. As a father, this concerns you. Do you...?
Talk to the boy about his interests?
Try to get him involved in more boy-like activities like sports?
Take him to counseling?
Buy some G.I.Joe uniforms and equipment for Barbie and try to compromise?
SITUATION: A pigeon has just unloaded on your precious, freshly washed car. The culprit is in a nearby tree, cooing away as if in laughter. Do you...?
Ignore the bird since it wasn't intentional?
Scare the bird away with a loud noise?
Blow his feathered butt away with your shotgun?
SITUATION: A very peculiar genetic quirk has resulted in your newborn son having bright green skin, which he will have the rest of his life. Do you and your spouse...?
Stock up on fleshtone make-up?
Get counseling to help him cope with this unusual situation?
Swear off even thinking about becoming vegetarians?
Swear off any further children in case the next one is purple?
Contact "Green Giant" in the hopes of making a fortune?
All of the above?
SITUATION: You're on a business trip. You and your colleague can either room together or separately in the hotel. He wants to room together. You'd like to have your own room. Do you...?
Discuss the matter with him in the hopes of changing his mind?
Eat ten or more really cheap bean burritos?
Casually mention your nightly nude calesthenics-to-disco exercise?
SITUATION: Your young son and daughter have just announced they want to be "Adam and Eve" for Halloween. Do you...?
Get them flesh-colored long underwear?
Suggest that Snow White and Prince Charming might be better?
Get a couple of fig leaves and hope for a warm night?
SITUATION: You're at a nationally-televised football game. Suddenly, the camera is on you! It's your chance for a few seconds of nation-wide fame! Do you...?
Act cool and ignore it?
Turn and smile politely?
Turn and make the silliest face you can think of?
Pick your nose and flick the booger at the camera?
Chug the rest of your beer and belch?
Scream your team's name at the camera?
Give the "one-finger salute"?
Drop your pants and moon the entire country?
SITUATION: You are a teenager left at home alone by trusting parents who have gone on vacation. But your father accidentally left behind his SuperUltimate Credit Card with the $500,000 limit. Do you...?
Put it in a safe place and behave yourself?
Hope your folks don't notice all the new stuff when they get home?
Throw a party for your entire high school?
Move to Bermuda and THEN party?
SITUATION: You've bought a "SMALL SOLDIERS" Chip Hazard figure that does more than just talk! Somehow, it acts as real as the ones in the movie. Do you...?
Return him as possibly defective merchandise?
Ask him if he knows if there's any more like him and try to get them?
Program him to be your personal security guard?
Program him to be your personal servant?
Tell him your little sister is a Gorgonite?
All of the above (except returning him?)
SITUATION: Your elaborate ham radio equipment has picked up a transmission from outer space! Aliens are attempting contact! Do you...?
Notify the authorities?
Attempt contact yourself?
Tell them to bug off because there's no intelligent life here?
Try to strike a lucrative deal for yourself with them?
SITUATION: You leave your somewhat mischievous and alarmingly clever pre-teen son alone for a few hours and return to find that he has painted most of the contents of the living room, including the walls, carpet, furniture, and himself, bright blue. Do you...?
Scream and sob hysterically?
Ponder if it's not too bad a decor change?
Send for professional cleaners and hope insurance covers it?
Ground the kid until he's 15?
Ponder if maybe HE looks better blue?
SITUATION: January 1, 2000. Nothing major happens, except YOUR computer wasn't ready for it. 35.5 GB of assorted files are gone forever. Do you...?
Deal with it rationally, see what you've backed up, and start rebuilding?
Swear so loudly and severely that the biker gang down the street is offended?
Commit crimes against nature to your computer equipment?
Start making plans to hunt down and kill Bill Gates?
SITUATION: Your 16-year-old daughter has brought her new boyfriend home. He calls himself "Anarchy" and he's a foul-mouthed 23-year-old tattoo artist who hasn't bathed in a year, has a shaved head with a skull tattooed on it, wants to tattoo obscene limericks on your daughter (which she approves of), and his goal in life is to take a dump on the White House lawn. Do you...?
Welcome him into the family?
Disown your daughter and throw them both out?
Throw "Anarchy" out and ground your daughter til she's 30?
Arrange to have "Anarchy" shot?
SITUATION: Your 10-year-old son has announced that he wants to go out on Halloween as a ballerina. Do you...?
Let him?
Tell him he goes out as G.I.Joe, Buzz Lightyear, or not at all?
Look into counseling before October 31st?
Check to see if Sweden does sex-change operations on minors?
SITUATION: You have a large swimming pool that your 6-year-old son loves. Only thing is, every time he's in it, at some point he pees. It doesn't seem to bother him, though. Do you...?
Not worry about it and be thankful he's not wetting the bed?
Buy some stronger pool-purification chemicals?
Buy a pool chemical that reacts with urine to turn it purple?
Buy rubber pants for your son?
Explain to him that this is inappropriate behavior?
Take him to the doctor and see if there's a medical problem?
SITUATION: You're on a drive in the country with your young children. Suddenly you hit a raccoon. Looking back, the animal is by the side of the road, wounded but not dead. Your children are very upset. Do you...?
Keep driving and tell your kids that sometimes bad things happen?
Back up and run over the raccoon again and put it out of its misery?
Back up and see if the raccoon is treatable by a veterinarian?
Back up and see if the raccoon is intact enough to make dinner?
SITUATION: Your 13-year-old son is addicted to video games and refuses to come away from the TV and Nintendo even for dinner. Do you...?
Pull the plug on the same and haul him to the table?
Ignore him and figure when he gets hungry enough he'll want to eat?
Tell him you know a secret code that will give him 5000 points if he eats?
SITUATION: Your office is about to have its mandatory-attendance holiday party. The only thing worse than associating with your co-workers on a professional level is trying to get along with them at a party. Do you...?
Spike the eggnog with alcohol to try to liven things up?
Spike the eggnog with liquid Ex-Lax to try to end the party early?
Try to get drunk enough yourself so you don't care?
Feign extreme sickness so you can go home?
Act drunk, chew out your boss and co-workers, and later blame the booze?
SITUATION: December 31, 1999. You're at a New Year's Party that is going very well except for one anal-retentive that insists the millennium doesn't start until 2001, and on some calendars in the world it's not even the year 2000, so it's all a big myth. Do you...?
Ignore him and have a good time anyway?
Explain to him that nobody at the party really cares?
Have three burly party-goers beat the tar out of him at exactly 12:00?
Ignore him, but you pull the plug on the place at 12:00 and yell "Y2K!"
SITUATION: You are having a backyard hamburger barbecue for about a dozen friends. As you go inside to get the ground beef for the hamburger patties, you discover your dog Fido has been scarfing the meat. Do you...?
Not tell your guests and make smaller burgers?
Suggest to your guests that they all turn vegetarian?
Break out a pack of hot dogs and announce a menu change?
Serve up Fido?
SITUATION: You are in a high-rise elevator. You feel what will certainly be a massive, loud, reeking fart coming on. The elevator is crowded. Do you...?
Try to hold it until you get off the elevator in 30 floors?
Try at least to suppress the volume?
Cut loose and blame the person next to you?
Let it rip and make a production of being proud of it?
Strike a match, light the fart, and take everyone out in one blast?
SITUATION: A friend has fixed you up with a blind date. When you meet the date, you discover a person with body odor so bad it would gag a buzzard, and who is so ugly they are afflicted with audible acne. Do you...?
Go on the date since this poor person likely doesn't get out much?
Get out of it by claiming to be the wrong person?
Get out of it however you can and hunt down your ex-friend?
Get out of it by calling animal control?
Get out of it by feigning (barely) sudden extreme illness?
SITUATION: You are an unmarried male in your early 20's. You are on a long-distance drive by yourself. In the middle of nowhere, you encounter a hitchhiker. The hitchhiker is a gorgeous young woman, also in her early 20's, wearing only a string bikini and a broad smile. Do you...?
Keep driving since it's not a good idea to pick up hitchhikers?
Keep driving since this is obviously a hallucination of some sort?
Nearly blow out your brakes coming to a screeching halt?
Pick her up, and ask what her destination is?
Pick her up and not care what her OR your destination is?
SITUATION: Your spouse has levels of flatulence, especially after bedtime, that boggle the mind. Your spouse refuses to acknowledge the problem. Do you...?
Tough it out for the sake of your marriage?
Buy a gas mask to wear to bed?
Shove a cork up your spouse's rectum after bedtime?
Shove a smouldering firecracker up your spouse's rectum?
Fluff the sheets over your spouse and hope he/she is gassed to death?
SITUATION: You are a long-distance truck driver. While driving along one evening in the middle of nowhere, you notice four people in the pick-up truck just ahead of you, stark naked and in the midst of an orgy. Do you...?
Ignore it and either avert your eyes or try to pass?
Take notes?
Get their license number and call the cops?
Whip out your camcorder and start filming?
SITUATION: You are at an outdoor party that is unfortunately being hogged by a pompous, loudmouthed bore. You notice at one point he sets his drink down, and the host's cat comes along and pees in the drink. The bore hasn't noticed and neither has the host, but others have. No one's saying anything. Do you...?
Warn him?
Sit back and watch the fun and try not to laugh in the meantime?
SITUATION: Your 7-year-old son has made friends with a little 7-year-old girl in the neighborhood. Her parents have a pool and your son is over there often, but only when the parents are home. One day you go over early to pick him up, and discover the children in the pool stark naked, with the girl's parents' permission. Do you...?
Forbid your son from ever seeing the girl again?
Demand an explanation from the parents?
Not worry about it and let your son continue to visit?
Let visits continue but forbid your son to be naked?
Explain a few things to your son and decide the rest later?
SITUATION: Y-2-K. All of the doomsayers were right. Computers are useless. Cash machines won't work. There's no official proof that you even exist, let alone have any assets to your name except what you own. There's no power, no water, and chaos reigns. There's no telling when, or if, it will all be straightened out. The world is rioting. Do you...?
Hide under the bed and pray it's over soon?
Haul yourself down the grocery with a shotgun and stock up?
Catch a slow boat to a Stone-Age tribe in the Amazon and join up?
SITUATION: Through your computer hacking, you have discovered that NASA and the United States government has been keeping hidden for years the fact that structures of clearly intelligent origin have been discovered on Mars (and I don't mean that "Face"). Do you...?
Blow the whistle on them and call the media?
Call NASA and try to make a lucrative deal?
Destroy the evidence since man is not ready to accept this news?
Live in fear of being taken away by government agents over this?
SITUATION: You believe you have successfully toilet-trained your five-year-old son. At least he no longer wets his pants. However, on an outing to a large mall, you lose sight of him only briefly, and when you finally spot him, he's peeing in a public fountain in the mall! Do you...?
Get him and yourself out of there as quickly as possible?
Commend him for his ingenuity and explain proper behavior later?
Laugh hysterically?
Deny to all watching that you have any relationship to him whatsoever?
SITUATION: You are an upper-middle-class white man with a charming wife and children. Although no one would ever call you racist, and some of your office workers are of various ethnic origin, and you regard them as friends, you're not entirely comfortable around militant members of minority groups. A new couple has just moved into your neighborhood. They include a black man with his Hispanic wife and their adopted teenage Oriental daughter. Although they come across as friendly, they are all involved in race-based special interest groups, and are working on a new form of music called "Mariachi Rap". Do you...?
Welcome them to the neighborhood?
Join up with them and celebrate the diversity?
Tell them to keep the noise down?
Consider moving?
Pack up immediately?
Look into joining white pride groups?
SITUATION: Your eight-year-old daughter likes to play with G.I.Joe, dresses in camouflage T-shirts and slacks, refuses to wear dresses, has no use for "dolls", and plans to either "join the army or professional football" when she grows up. Do you...?
Encourage her dreams?
Try to persuade her in more ladylike directions?
Take her for counseling?
Get an "Army Barbie" and try to compromise?
SITUATION: You are a young black man living in an urban ghetto. It's a rough life, but you cope with it with pride. A white couple has just moved into your apartment building, claiming they want to experience the "urban lifestyle". Do you...?
Welcome them to the neighborhood?
Welcome them and offer some "survival hints"?
Suggest they pack up and get out immediately for their own good?
Call your gang buddies and blow their white butts to hell?
SITUATION: January 1, 2000, came and went across the world with scarcely a "Y2K" glitch to be reported. Supposedly a satellite weather map in France wrote the date as "19100". What was/is your reaction as the new day/century/millennium dawned...?
I wasn't worried in the first place.
Massive relief that everything's okay.
Called all my friends and relatives to be sure.
It was all hype by the media anyway, to divert us from real problems.
There could still be trouble in the days and weeks ahead.
SITUATION: You have just lost an argument with your increasingly rebellious 14-year-old son. You lost when during a face-to-face confrontation, he kicked you in the "family jewels". Do you...?
Lie on the floor whimpering in a fetal position for the rest of the night?
Retaliate in kind (once you've recovered)?
Give the kid the verbal lashing of his life (once you've recovered)?
Ground the kid for the next month or so (once you've recovered)?
Look into solid steel underpants (once you've recovered)?
SITUATION: The most obnoxious of your co-workers, who prides himself on a perfect and meticulous computer "desktop", is taking a two-week vacation. At the same time, your mutual supervisor asks YOU to handle the computer lockdowns for the next couple of weeks. This means you'll be alone in the office with your co-worker's computer. Do you...?
Switch the default "Font" to "Klingon"?
Change the color scheme to as many neon shades as possible?
Make up new color schemes such as "vomit" and "diarrhea"?
Store as much pornography as possible on his hard drive?
Change the names of all of his pending projects?
Alter his error "beep" to a noise like a screaming orgasm?
Alter his keyboard so that every "stroke" causes a fart sound?
Alter "You've Got Mail" to "F#$% YOU!"
Have it scream "The boss is an @$$hole!" every time it's turned on?
All of the above?
Leave it alone out of respect for the workplace?
SITUATION: Y2K came and went and the world survived. Except YOU stocked up on everything and stashed it all in the bunker you dug in the backyard. You've got two tons of canned goods, two hundred gallons of bottled water, and enough batteries to charge your flashlights until Y3K. None of the stores are accepting returns. Do you...?
Use it as best as possible under ordinary circumstances?
Sell it all on eBay as "Millennium Souvenirs?"
Donate the food and water to charity organizations to feed the poor?
Sure, pal! I'm still down here and I know what really happened!
SITUATION: A belated Y2K glitch has affected your bank account. Instead of $3,500 in your account, you've got $3,500,000! Do you...?
Report the error immediately?
Donate a million to charity to ease your conscience about the rest?
Buy a new house -- in France?
SITUATION: Your child is such a fanatic fan of STAR WARS that he now speaks only in the strange grammatical structure of Yoda. Do you...?
Admire your child's imagination?
Do your best to just ignore it?
Say, "Spank your butt I will if shut up you do not!"
SITUATION: Your young daughter has an excellent collection of dolls, but has recently become frightened by all the "staring eyes" of the dolls, especially at night when she is put to bed. Do you...?
Carefully explain why she has nothing to worry about?
Remove some or all of the dolls temporarily?
Paint all of the dolls eyes with glow-in-the-dark paint?
SITUATION: You are at an amusement park. You have thus far ingested three hot dogs with trimmings, half a pizza, a large wad of cotton candy, uncounted french fries, part of your son's cheeseburger, and a 64 oz. soft drink. You are now on an especially long roller-coaster ride called the "Sphincter Buster". It is about to live up to its name as you feel you are about to return most of the foodstuffs you have eaten to the park from whence they came in what will surely be a massive amount of frighteningly colorful vomit. The ride isn't quite half over. Do you...?
Desperately try to contain the problem until the end?
Hurl in your seat and try to moderately contain it?
Hurl in your son's seat next to you and apologize later?
Hurl over the side and hope you can yell a warning to those below?
Wait for the next loop and hope you can "hurl up"?
SITUATION: Your prize Pomeranian, which you were about to enter in a prestigious dog show, turns up dead near your neighbor's yard. Your neighbor's dog is also entered in the dog show and you suspect foul play. Do you...?
Mourn the loss of your dog and forget the show?
Talk things over with your neighbor?
Leave the head of your neighbor's dog in his bed?
SITUATION: Your child is a frantic Pokemon fan, and her prize possession is an electronic Pikachu that wiggles its ears and says "Pika" and "Pikachu" at random. The whole thing gets on your nerves but you let it slide because it makes your child happy. One day something goes wrong with the Pikachu and it won't shut up, and you've had about enough anyway. Do you...?
Remove the batteries and return it as a "quiet" toy?
Try to repair it?
Put it in a skeet launcher and blow it away, yelling, "Pika THIS!"
SITUATION: You are called upon to take care of your neighbor's cat while your neighbor is away. Your neighbor is a very large and occasionally menacing individual who cares deeply for the cat. However, you both live on the 82nd floor of a high rise building, and one evening while playing with the cat, the cat chases a toy you rolled onto the balcony -- and over the edge. Your neighbor gets home tomorrow. "Fluffy" is now street pizza. Do you...?
Visit the animal shelter the next day and try to find an identical cat?
Ask your neighbor if Fluffy had been acting depressed lately?
Pack up and move out before your neighbor gets home?
Tell the truth about the matter and hope you don't join Fluffy?
SITUATION: You have checked into a luxurious hotel as part of your long overdue vacation. As you allow the glorious ambience of the place to wash over you, and as you settle in for a good night's sleep on the king-size bed after a multi-stop plane flight, the people in the room next to you decide to stage what sounds like a 12-person orgy accompanied by music that resembles a disco version of the Macarena with extra-heavy bass. Do you...?
Try to ignore it?
Ask them politely to keep the noise down?
Call the front desk and hope they'll handle it?
Bang on the door until they open and blast them with a fire extinguisher?
SITUATION: You are approached by an on-the-street reporter to give your opinion on the upcoming election and which candidates and propositions you favor. It is a live interview and the camera and microphone are right there. Do you...?
Give an intelligent, thoughtful response?
Say to the reporter, "Is that much cleavage necessary?"
Throw up from stage fright?
Say "Here's what I think!" and fart into the microphone?
Pretend you don't speak English?
Say "I'm voting for the white guy!" and leave it at that?
State that you think all mimes should be shot even if it's not on the ballot?
Sneeze on the camera lens?
SITUATION: You have just checked into college and been given your dormitory assignment. One of your roommates is an extremely active homosexual and the other is an equally active black militant. You, a white conservative, are not especially comfortable with this. They're not too fond of you, either, really. Do you...?
Try to get to know them better and hope you can all be friends?
Try to transfer out of the dorm?
Don't bother with a transfer and find a cheap apartment?
Find them a bisexual black feminist and hope they'll leave you alone?
SITUATION: Your mother-in-law decides to move in with you and your wife. Your wife is thrilled. You would sooner be dragged buck naked over hot tar and carpet tacks, but for the sake of your marriage, you relent. However, when the old bat shows up, she also has het latest acquisition with her -- an obese, ill-tempered, constantly-shedding cat whose levels of rancid-fish-smelling flatulence would set a record for this sort of thing if anyone kept records of it. Your wife thinks the cat is cute. You're finding yourself either nagged, shed, or gassed out of your home. Do you...?
Tolerate it all for the sake of your marriage?
Hope either the mother-in-law or the cat die quickly (and maybe painfully?)
Consider arranging an "accident" (for either the cat or the bat)?
Consider an apartment (for you or them)?
Consider a divorce?
Consider suicide (but you hate to give them the satisfaction)?
Feign insanity and throw the cat into a rented tree shredder one afternoon?
SITUATION: You have just discovered a copy of your father's will. He intends to leave his considerable estate entirely to your younger brother, a reckless drug addict whose been in and out of jail so many times they're considering installing a revolving door on his cell. You discuss this with your father, who says that your brother is "just a free spirit on a journey to find himself" and that he'll be okay by the time he'd inherit the money, and that you, a successful businessman, don't need it anyway. Do you...?
Accept your father's "logic"?
Consult a lawyer about challenging the will?
Try to get your brother to straighten out now?
Spike some of your useless brother's drugs to get him out of the picture?
SITUATION: You buy what looks like a cheap painting at a yard sale. You decide to have a little fun and have it appraised, whereupon it turns out to be a long lost masterpiece by a famous artist. It's worth millions. Do you...?
Sell it and share the wealth with the person you bought it from?
Keep it so you can brag about having a masterpiece in your home?
Sell it and laugh all the way to the bank with ALL the money?
SITUATION: Your 11-year-old son is bright, friendly, intelligent, and neat-looking. However, his room looks like a Wal-Mart blew up and smells like a football team's locker room. A casual glimpse through watering eyes and plugged nose show evidence of long-lost dinner plates with various growths on them that might be in violation of Enviromental Protection Standards, tossed around clothing that certainly is, parts of assorted toys that do not seem to belong with each other unless someone is making something with the head of a dinosaur, the body of a robot, and the legs of Conan the Barbarian, and several scattered CDs, two of them broken. Somewhere amidst all this is a bed and some basic furniture. Your son doesn't seem bothered by any of it, and you have tried to instill personal responsibility in the boy, and hate the thought of invading his privacy and taking what you regard as drastic action. But it's getting out of hand. Your pets seem to avoid walking past the room and stagger a bit when they do. Do you...?
Continue to ignore it since it doesn't seem to bother him?
Demand that he clean the room under threat of discipline?
Take a vacuum and duster to the room when he is out one day?
Take a shovel to the room when he is out one day?
Take a sandblaster to the room when he is out one day?
Hire someone to come in with the necessary protective equipment to clean it up?
Flick a match in and see what happens?
Try to tidy it up without disposing of any more than necessary?
Strip the room bare when he's on an overnight stay with a friend and start over?
SITUATION: You are a young woman who has been set up on a blind date by a friend, to meet at the date's home. Your friend assures you that the date is an "interesting individual". You arrive at his home to discover the walls painted in a barnyard motif, him dressed as a shepherd, an obscene version of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" playing on the stereo, and he politely hands you a black wool sweater and suggests playing a game he calls "Baa Baa Black Sheep." Do you...?
Run screaming into the night?
Figure it's better than watching the latest "reality" based TV show?
Hope he's kidding and will start to act normal?
Hunt down your friend?
SITUATION: It is summertime in a rural area, and your 8-year-old son is out of school. It is warm and sunny outside, and expected to largely remain such. Your son adores the outdoors, and since it is summer, you've been rather lax with the rules. He's even been sleeping outside at night in a hammock. He hasn't had a haircut in weeks, hasn't bothered to wear a shirt, and has been alternating between worn jeans and swim trunks. He also hasn't had a bath in a week, and baths are always a struggle. But he's got so much dirt and grass stains on him at this point that he looks like he's camouflaged, his hair could be mistaken for a bird's nest, and frankly, he's starting to smell a bit. Just as well he's staying outside. You don't want to spoil his summer fun, but has this gone on long enough? Do you...?
Ignore him until he gets to the point of offending himself?
Set up the inflatable pool hoping he'll get cleaner that way?
Suggest he play in a nearby mud hole so he'll have to clean up afterwards?
Throw him in the tub that night despite the inevitable struggle?
SITUATION: You are walking through a park when some arrogant little punk nearly runs you down on his skateboard. You yell at him and he turns around and starts swearing at you even as he continues on his skateboard. Not watching where he was going, he soon runs off the sidewalk and across a gravel parking lot. He falls and slides. All he was wearing was cut-offs. His back now resembles Freedy Krueger's face. Do you...?
Summon help for the injured youth?
Point and laugh?
Ignore the matter and keep walking?
Get a bottle of alcohol and pour it over him -- to stop infection... >:)
SITUATION: You are at the beach. You find a woman's bikini top. There are no likely owners in the immediate vicinity. Do you...?
Conduct an extensive search of the beach for the owner?
Keep it, realizing you're playing a bit of a joke on SOMEone?
Leave it where you found it and not get involved?
Turn it into the Lost and Found if there is one?
SITUATION: You and your spouse are about to have your first child. You want to choose a reasonable name such as James or Susan. Your spouse, a former "free spirit" who apparently is still subject to moments of phenomenal stupidity, is extremely insistent on calling the child "Blowfish Ignatz" regardless of gender. Do you...?
Try to reason with your spouse?
Overrule your spouse at any costs?
Consider divorce?
Mention the probable therapy bills for someone with a name like that?
Go along with it and see how the kid turns out?
SITUATION: You reside in a comfortable, well-kept, upper middle-class neighborhood. You awake one morning to discover a homeless man sleeping on your front porch. From the look -- and the stench -- he has been homeless for quite some time, with either little intention or little ability to change his situation. Do you...?
Have the worthless bum arrested for trespassing?
Threaten to have the bum arrested if he doesn't leave immediately?
Give the poor sap a couple of bucks and tell him to leave?
Give the poor man the use of your bathroom and a meal and see how you can help?
SITUATION: A large corporation intends to build its new headquarters where your neighborhood presently stands. They have made generous offers to all residents, with enough payment so that everyone can buy new homes and practically retire. Everyone has gladly accepted -- except one holdout who doesn't want to leave his home and thinks that giving up one's home to a corporation is immoral regardless of how much money is offered. The entire deal is in jeopardy since the decision must be unanimous. Do you...?
Reconsider the corporation's offer and maintain the neighborhood?
Offer the holdout a portion of everyone's payments to change his mind?
Threaten the holdout with grievous bodily harm?
Make a deal with some local arsonists?
SITUATION: You run a sheep farm. One afternoon while checking your wide-ranging flock, you discover the town weirdo having intimate relations with one of your ewes. Do you...?
Laugh yourself silly?
Have the idiot arrested?
Run him off your property?
Do the gene pool a favor and castrate him with shears?
All of the above?
SITUATION: Your 16-year-old son seems well-adjusted enough and is doing well in school, but he is absolutely adamant about the fact that his room is "off-limits" even to you, his parents. You've been reasonably tolerant of this, but you've become increasingly concerned about what goes on in there. So one day, while he is in school, you decide to investigate. Fortunately, you find no drugs, tobacco, or alcohol. However, under the bed, you do find a large stack of porno magazines, as well as a pink tutu, fifteen yellow rubber duckys, a tube of neon blue face paint, a red ukelele, and a large, green Afro wig. Do you...?
Question your son about these items when he comes home?
Put everything back where it was and never mention it?
Get rid of it all and demand an explanation from your son when he finds it gone?
SITUATION: You are a single man driving to his long-deserved vacation at a remote resort in the mountains. It is getting late at night and you are tired. You believe you have found the place and manage to check in, half-asleep. The next morning you discover that you have not checked into the resort you intended, but instead are at a nudist colony! Do you...?
Hang around and spend your vacation here?
Get on the road as quickly as possible for your intended resort?
SITUATION: You are a new employee at a major investment firm. One of the higher-ups is offering you and a number of other recent employees to get in on an inside deal that, if it works, will make you millionaires. If it doesn't work, the lot of you are the scapegoats and are not only out the door, but possibly in jail. Do you...?
Go along with the deal?
Say you want no part of it, but you'll take $500,000 to stay quiet?
Decline but promise to keep your mouth shut?
Report the higher-up to HIS boss and hope he's not in on it?
Report the entire mess to an outside firm that will take legal action?
SITUATION: You have successfully invented a time machine, but the device can only travel to the past, with a maximum range of about 50 years. Do you...?
Go back and buy collectibles for peanuts and sell them on eBay?
Go back and beat up on all of your childhood tormentors?
Go back and buy cheap stock in companies now worth a fortune?
Go back and bet big bucks on lotteries and sporting events?
Go back and try to right all the historical wrongs of the past 50 years?
Go back and just observe, fearful of altering history otherwise?
All or most of the above?
SITUATION: Your neighbor's cat unloads under the same bush on your property every single day. You're getting tired of cleaning up the mess. Do you...?
Discuss the matter with your neighbor?
Buy a spray to discourage the cat?
Continue to clean up the mess for the sake of peace on the block?
Plant a small landmine under the bush?
SITUATION: You are a 15-year-old boy. You have a good relationship with your parents, but you'd rather spend time with your friends these days. Your father, unfortunately, wants to try to "keep the family together" and is making efforts to act "cool" so he can fit in with your friends. He fits in about as well as a porcupine in a room full of balloons. You don't really want to hurt his feelings, but it's getting ridiculous. Do you...?
Encourage your friends to laugh the man out of the room?
Start hanging around anywhere EXCEPT your house?
Try to have a polite conversation with your dad, one-on-one?
Tell him flat out that leisure suits and disco are D-E-A-D!
SITUATION: You are a 15-year-old teenage boy. You want to hang around with your friends, but your little 6-year-old brother always wants to tag along and follows you everywhere. He's a good kid, but he can also be a bit of a pest, and there's some stuff you'd like to do where he just wouldn't fit in. Nothing illegal, just "teen stuff". Do you...?
Ask your parents to intervene?
Try to discuss the matter with your little brother?
Scream at the kid and hope he backs off out of anger at you?
Get a one-way lock for his room -- on the outside?
Strip him naked and hide all his clothes before you go out?
SITUATION: You buy a lottery ticket and it wins. You've just cashed in on about $100 million. One big problem, though. The very strict church that you and your family belong to frowns very heavily on any form of gambling and has been working actively to put an end to the state lottery. In the past, when a member has played the lottery and won even a small amount, and the church has found out, they have demanded that the church member refuse to accept the money. Do you...?
Offer the church half?
Try to explain your way out of the mess?
Try to hide your new-found fortune?
Move out of state?
Confess to the church and refuse to accept the money?
SITUATION: Your 7-year-old son is unbelievably harsh with his toys. He throws them into walls and deliberately breaks them. The house is littered with the sorry remains of toy cars and action figures. You're getting tired of spending money for good toys only to have them broken in a week. You also wonder about the level of violence your son is displaying, and the lack of care he shows towards his belongings. Do you...?
Tell him he'll have to make do with broken toys since you won't buy more?
Ask him why he's done this to his toys for so long?
Take him for counseling?
Try to teach him to care for his toys by example?
SITUATION: Three years ago, you divorced your wife and left her with custody of your then not-quite-three-year-old son. In those three years, you becae a successful international businessman. You now wish to visit your son, and your ex-wife says that this is fine with her. You arrive at their home and are shown around back to a six-year-old boy sitting in a mud puddle. He has very straggly shoulder-length hair and is wearing only a pair of ragged overalls. Your wife has not done that badly for herself, and explains that this is simply how the boy prefers to be. You have him cleaned up and take him for a weekend. You discover over the course of the weekend that the boy prefers to be naked when indoors, can't remember the last time he had a haircut, does not attend school and is essentially illiterate even though he seems intelligent, lives for playing in anything dirty, and thinks wetting his pants is fun (although you prevent him from actually doing so). This is certainly not what you expected in your son despite your long absence. Part of you wonders if your ex-wife was more bitter than you realized and raised the boy so strangely on purpose. Do you...?
Consider starting a custody battle over the boy?
Talk to your ex-wife about this behavior?
At least get the boy a haircut and new clothes for now?
Try to teach him better behavior in one weekend?
Just be glad he's alive, healthy and not worry about the rest?
SITUATION: Your 15-year-old daughter has an obsession about "boy bands" that seems to go far beyond even what her peers show. She plays Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, and anybody else at all hours of the day and night -- much to you and your spouse's growing annoyance. Her goal in life is to marry "either Zac Hanson or Aaron Carter, whichever one accepts!" Her walls are so plastered with posters that she's having to use the ceiling for new ones and you've forgotten what color the walls WERE. This seems to be getting out of hand, and yet she seems to be otherwise a happy, caring young girl, who has good friends and does well in school. Do you...?
Talk to her about why she loves these bands so much?
Rip down the posters and trash the CDs while she's in school?
Buy earplugs and not worry about it?
See if Aaron Carter or Zac Hanson make personal visits?
SITUATION: Your ten-year-old son and a few of his friends are huge fans of the Japanese animated series GUNDAM WING. They claim that they want to build their own Gundam. You assume that they're interested in the model kits, so you buy a couple for your son. He's pleased with them and does a good job building them, but says that his friends have a bigger project in mind, and can he have some money for poster board. You figure he's going to do some drawings or maybe make a cutout of a Gundam, which would be a good use of the imaginative boy's free time, so you give him the money. Whatever the project is, it's being worked on at the neighbors', where one of the boys lives. Three weeks later, you come home to discover a twelve-foot-tall, three-dimensional Gundam made out of multiple colors of poster board, and a lot of staples and glue, standing in the front yard of the neighbors, with your son and his friends standing around it. Needless to say, you're stunned. The workmanship and detail are superb. The arms and legs can even move! Still, you're now faced with what to do with a twelve-foot cardboard Gundam, since your neighbor informs you that it was mostly your son's idea and work, and they don't have room for it. Do you...?
Study the Gundam carefully to see if it matches any of your decor?
Congratulate your son but explain there's just no room for it?
Call the local newspaper for a "human interest" story?
Call the Bandai toy company and see if they want to buy it?
Tell your son if he wants it, he'll have to make room in HIS room for it?
After all is said and done, look into advanced education for the boy?
SITUATION: While cleaning out the attic of the home you inherited from your parents, you come across a huge stash of toys that they never got around to giving you for some reason. Dozens of old G.I.Joes, superheroes, Matchbox and Hot Wheels cars, and more, all carefully preserved in their original packages from the 1960's. Your young son is with you and he thinks the toys are way cool! You're not really sure what to do with them, but you indicate that the boy is likely to get them. The next day at work, you make reference to this find to a co-worker, who happens to be knowledgable about this sort of thing. You learn that these toys are worth enough to probably put your son through college -- but only if they're kept in their original packages. Do you...?
Give them to your son anyway to play with?
Explain to your son that they have far greater value if sold?
Sell the toys without telling him?
Sell the toys and give him a share of the money?
Leave them stashed another 10 years THEN sell them?
SITUATION: Your 8-year-old child was running through the house, slipped, and broke a valuable, sentimental, but horrendously ugly vase that belonged to your wife's great-grandmother. The child is unhurt and is very sorry for what happened. Your wife wants the child punished with no dinner and a one-week grounding for this terrible misdeed, claiming that the child should've known better than to run in the house and that the vase was very valuable and meant a lot to her. You're doing all you can not to laugh over the fact that that butt-ugly piece of porcelain is finally gone for good. You have a policy of trying to be united in disciplining your child. Do you...?
Go along with your wife for the sake of your marriage?
Say you go along, but slip the kid dinner and a few bucks on your own?
Try to persuade your wife to a lesser punishment?
State your feelings about the vase and refuse to agree?
SITUATION: Your child wants to take up martial arts. A couple of his friends at school have recommended a certain martial arts studio. Upon investigation, you discover that the studio not only teaches martial arts, but incorporates a lot of Oriental philosophy. You are not comfortable with this, although your child doesn't see it as a big deal. Do you...?
Let your child take the lessons and try to negate the philosophy on your own?
Refuse to let your child take martial arts lessons here?
Try to find a martial arts place closer to your beliefs?
Refuse to let your child take martial arts lessons period?
SITUATION: Your family has been invited to a community picnic. You get the time, place, and what to bring, but don't really read the entire invitation. You arrive with your wife and your neatly-dressed-and-groomed 9-year-old son, only to discover that the primary activity for the kids at this picnic is a huge mud pit about thirty feet across and knee-deep based on the mud-splattered-and-covered children already in it, building "mud castles" and throwing around beachballs. Your son is wearing his best shirt and slacks, and it took you over an hour to get to the park. He REALLY wants to go play in the mud until it's time to eat, at which point the kids will all be hosed off by a local fire truck. Hosing off will not save these clothes. Do you...?
Let him tear into the mud anyway?
Forbid him from playing in the mud even if he's the only clean kid left?
Find out if he's willing to play in just his underwear?
Find out if any of the parents brought extra clothes he can use?
SITUATION: Your wife, who has become decidedly hefty in recent years, despite your wishes to the contrary, stands on a chair to hang a picture on a high wall. The seat of the chair collapses. She is uninjured, but she is trapped in the framework. She calls for your assistance. Do you...?
Help her out without comment?
Help her out along with a dissertation about weight loss and control?
Point and laugh?
SITUATION: You decide to check in on your 12-year-old son who is reportedly doing his homework on the computer with the aid of the Internet. You walk in on him just as he's downloading a number of highly pornographic images, having somehow bypassed the protections you put in place. Yours is a Christian household with no room for such filth. Do you...?
Turn off the computer?
Get a stronger protection program?
Clean out the hard drive?
Spank the bejeezus out of the kid?
Apply less physical punishment and a lecture?
Deny him use of the computer?
Trash the computer entirely?
SITUATION: Your son has just borrowed the coveted sports section of the newspaper. You're pleased that the child you previously assumed to be a bookworm little geek is finally getting involved in something properly manly. Then you discover that he just wanted the newspaper to put down on the floor prior to spray painting his latest starship model kit. Do you...?
Try to salvage as much of the newspaper as possible?
Berate the kid for ruining the paper and for being a geek?
Go out and buy a newspaper and try to ignore the kid?
Have your DNA tested to see if he's really yours?
SITUATION: Serious question this time: Your child has come home -- more than once -- reporting to be the victim of severe physical and verbal bullying. None of his/her friends or teachers have done anything about the matter, and the bullies are clever enough to cover their tracks. Do you...?
Tell your child to concentrate on the schoolwork and grades?
Talk to school officials about the problem?
Talk to the bullies' parents about the problem?
Consider removing your child from the school and homeschooling?
SITUATION: You and your family are due at a wedding. Somehow your seven-year-old son has gotten hold of a pair of scissors and whacked holes in the legs of his best trousers. The only other pants he has are blue jeans or shorts. You're nearly late already. Do you...?
Spank the kid and leave him home?
Stuff him into blue jeans and hope no one notices?
Cancel your plans to attend?
Turn the cut trousers into shorts and hope no one notices?
Try to patch them on the inside with duct tape and the fabric pieces?
SITUATION: Your neighbors, with whom you are good friends and your pre-teen kids are best friends with theirs, suggest a summer vacation together. You all agree, and then you find out that the vacation will take place at a nudist resort. Your kids think it's a great idea. You're nowhere near as convinced, and you're not entirely comfortable. You're told that you CAN wear clothes, but even so, your children have stated they have no problem being naked outside and around others. Do you...?
Go anyway for friendship's sake?
Decline the invitation?
Go but tell your kids to keep their pants on?
SITUATION: While you were working in another room of the house, your seven-year-old daughter and five-year-old son decided to try to prepare a cake from scratch. You enter the kitchen in order to start dinner, and are confronted by, in no particular order, a seven-year-old girl dusted with so much flour she looks like an extra from "Poltergeist", a five-year-old boy covered in so much cake frosting and whipped cream you're not sure there's a child under that mess, and a kitchen that looks like one of the sets from the climatic scene from "Twister". Your kids, of course, have that innocent, "Hi, Mom, look what we did!" look on their faces -- what you can see of their faces, anyway. Do you...?
Freak out, scream and cry?
Try to smile about all of this as a "wonderful childhood memory"?
Grab the kids and haul them into the tub, clothes and all?
Make the kids clean up their mess as best they can?
Spank their little butts once they're clean?
See if your insurance covers this sort of disaster?
Order in a pizza for dinner?
All or most of the above?
SITUATION: Your wife's large and somewhat elderly St. Bernard, which you've never been entirely fond of, but the dog came with the woman, has developed a flatulence level of truly epic proportions. Your neighbors think you've bought a tuba, and you're wondering how in the world anybody can work in a pet food plant if this is even remotely what it smells like. The veterinarian says there's nothing much that can be done -- it's just the dog's age. Your wife doesn't seem to mind. You're being gassed out of your own home, you're losing your appetite and your mind in that order, and you're thinking of buying stock in the Lysol company for all the deodorant spray you're using. Enough is enough. Do you...?
Plant a cork up the dog's rear and hope he blows himself up?
Slip something humane but fatal into the dog's chow?
See if you can switch the dog to a less aromatic diet and hope it helps?
Find out if there's medicine the vet overlooked?
Buy a gas mask?
SITUATION: You are a single parent trying your best to give your children a decent diet. They, however, have just received a free sample for a new breakfast cereal called "Neon Sugar Fruity Critters", which consists of painfully brightly colored animal-shaped cereal and marshmallow bits with enough sugar frosting on them to make the average six-year-old even more incoherent and hyperactive than they already are. They got to the mail first, and have already finished it off, and even though they've burned it out of their system (after several hours of activity that had you wondering if tranquilizer darts were called for), they're whining for more. You want to maintain a peaceful household. Do you...?
Put them back on the Bran Flakes you've been feeding them?
Get them the new cereal and hope they tire of it quickly?
Sue the cereal company for damages to your home?
SITUATION: You are a single man in his mid-20's. You've just met what you believe to be the girl of your dreams. She's witty, intelligent, and a knockout. She's also crazy about you (God knows why). Only one problem -- she's a militant vegan. Your diet tends to consist of cheeseburgers and pizza. She regards all meat as murder, and perceives dairy products to be exploiting "our bovine brethren". She maintains a vegetable garden of her own and will only eat what she herself grows, and drinks only water. She expects you to do likewise if there is to be a lasting relationship. You're crazy about her, but this makes you wonder. Do you...?
Adopt her dietary preferences yourself?
Say you'll go along and sneak Big Macs on your own at times?
Drop her as a beautiful but hopeless nutcase?
Forcefeed her a hamburger and see if she if it changes her mind?
SITUATION: You come home early from work and notice your 13-year-old son sitting at the computer, checking out a wide range of pornographic Web Sites, which clearly have him... excited. Do you...?
Ban the kid from the computer until he's 20?
Check his account later on and transfer the URLs to your account?
At least wash off the keyboard before you use it again?
All of the above?
SITUATION: You are a young, virile male who for some reason has had no luck in the romance department. You couldn't get a date if you bought a calendar. You decide to head to a singles club to try your luck. While there, you are approached by a youngish-looking woman with multiple profane tattoos, body odor that would gag a buzzard, a physique that would make some sumo wrestlers envious, leg hair that looks like she received a transplant from the gorilla house at the zoo, and braided multi-colored dreadlocks -- in her armpits. Her clear intent is to seduce you. Do you...?
Run screaming from the bar?
Run screaming from the bar and figure the single life isn't so bad?
Run screaming from the bar and become a monk?
Run screaming from the bar and castrate yourself?
Hope that she considers projectile vomiting a turn-off?
Frankly, as lonely as you are, you decide to give it a shot?
SITUATION: You are a young woman who has met the man of your dreams. He's intelligent, handsome, doing well financially, and looks to be "well-endowed". You're on your most recent date, which you've both decided will conclude with an intimate encounter at "his place", the first time you've been there. He suggests you head to the bedroom and he'll be right with you. You enter the bedroom to discover a triangular-shaped waterbed, an inflatable sheep wearing a latex bra, open cans of acrylic paint in a wide range of fluorescent colors, a five-gallon container of mayonnaise, twenty-three lava lamps, and playing softly on a boom box in the corner, "The Best of Slim Whitman". While you're trying to decide what to make of this, the "man of your dreams" enters the bedroom wearing only a propellor beanie cap and an inflatable swimming pool inner tube with a duck's head on it that squeaks. He hands you a World War II gas mask and a pair of swim fins, tells you to get naked and put them on, and to prepare for the ride of your life. Do you...?
Run screaming out the door?
Run screaming out the door and call the cops?
Run screaming out the door and call the mental hospital?
Figure it might be fun and go for it?
SITUATION: You live in a third-floor apartment accessible by an outdoor stairwell of concrete steps with metal railings. The apartment across a short walkway from you is inhabited by an older couple whose young grandchildren visit regularly, and take great delight in stomping up and down the steps as loudly and as frequently as possible when they visit. To say that this is annoying is an understatement. You've tried to keep to yourself, but you just can't take it anymore, and based on observation, the grandparents think the kids are perfect little darlings who can do no wrong. Do you...?
Try to discuss the problem reasonably with the grandparents when the kids aren't there?
Try to discuss the problem with the grandparents and the parents?
Grease the higher steps?
SITUATION: You have recently purchased a top of the line DVD Player. A friend of yours highly skilled with technology offers to upgrade it so that it can show all manner of hidden features on DVDs that are not on the main menus. You allow him to do this. Much to your astonishment, when you start checking your DVDs, you find that the vast majority are encoded with subliminal messages that advocate complete obedience to the government, rampant consumerism, mindless tolerance of political correctness, and general apathy about a wide range of global problems. Clearly there's a vast conspiracy afoot here between the government and the entertainment media to keep the population stupid and subdued. Do you...?
Call every news agency you can think of?
Call every government agency you can think of?
Keep your trap shut for fear of reprisal?
You're too busy watching TV and buying stuff to bother to call anybody.
SITUATION: You live in a quiet, peaceful, middle-class neighborhood. Some new neighbors have moved in next door to you. Unfortunately, they're members of a bizarre cult. The group consists of five young adults who have their heads half-shaved, wear neon yellow robes at all times, bathe only once every two weeks, beat tambourines and chant in something that sounds like Klingonese five times a day, and are actively trying to convert the rest of the neighborhood, including your pre-teen children. They do not respond to requests to cease this activity since they claim it is their constitutional right. You and a lot of other people on the block have had enough, and they certainly haven't won any converts or friends. Do you...?
Try to get a court order against their activities?
Tey to sue the realtor who sold them the house?
Try to get a court order to force them to move?
Try a few retaliations such as loud music or threatening anonymous letters?
Try to stink them out by letting every neighborhood pet crap in their yard?
SITUATION: You have a new neighbor! Unfortunately, he's a fat, baritone opera singer with inhuman volume capability, who likes to practice with all of the windows open because he feels it gives his voice better resonance. You're being subjected to deep, loud opera five days a week. Do you...?
Buy an accordion?
Buy a set of bagpipes?
Buy a boom-box and every CD of Hanson and the Spice Girls you can find?
Invite your country cousin -- and his banjo -- over for an extended visit?
Hire a quartet of yodelers?
Try to pump helium into his apartment to raise his voice a few octaves?
SITUATION: You're driving home when the neighbor's cat darts in front of your car. You've never liked this cat. It kills birds, "marks its territory" in your yard repeatedly, and yowls every other night. But you also know that your elderly neighbor is completely devoted to the animal. Do you...?
Slam on the brakes and hope you stop in time?
THU-BUMP! Oop-sie...
THU-BUMP! Then reverse over it, turn it into a smear, and say it ran off.
SITUATION: New neighbors have just moved in. You live on the next street over, but your backyards meet with a fence inbetween. They're decent people, but they like to spend summer weekends in the backyard in the nude. This might not be a problem, except he looks liek a partially shaved wooly mammoth, and she looks like Jabba the Hutt. You're not so much offended as sickened. Do you...?
See if the cops will do anything?
Try to persuade them to put some clothes on?
Try to avoid looking out back on warm weekends?
Grow some tall hedges in your yard along the fence line?
SITUATION: A family of radical Muslims has moved onto your street. Married couple and three kids aged about 8 to 15. They make no attempt to hide the fact that they're here strictly for the employment and educational opportunities, that they consider America to be otherwise corrupt, and that any attacks against Americans are well-deserved. Do you...?
Tolerate them in the spirit of cultural diversity?
Get your neighbors together to throw rocks through their windows?
Convince your kids to beat the tar out of their kids?
Report them as a probable security threat to Federal authorities?
SITUATION: The court has finally given you visitation rights with your 8-year-old son, following a nasty custody battle. You pick him up the first weekend, and discover that in the near year since you've been allowed to see him, he's been allowed to color his hair blue, and spends most of his time around home naked, and his favorite activity is playing in the mud. You are a rather conservative and clean individual, and don't really know what to do about this. You don't want to alienate your child. Do you...?
Ask that he wear clothes and stay clean when he visits you?
Try to compromise on some of the details, like keeping the mud outside?
Go with the flow for the sake of your son and hope you can "unteach" some of this?
REALLY have it out with your "ex" the next time you meet?
SITUATION: After doing a little research on eBay and collectors' sites, you realize that your old childhood toys and comics are worth a small fortune! If you can auction them well, you may be able to retire! You remember carefully storing them in the attic of your parents' home. You go there to pick them up, only to have your mother tell you that they were thrown out years ago, since a grown man has no need for such nonsense. Do you...?
Smile and politely accept the missed opportunity?
Scream so loud you break every window in the house?
Burn the house down?
This poll was created on 1999-09-18 17:06:04 by hzrdchip