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How it was for boys punished by men before 1990

Response To RH

Posted by R.J. on 2018-05-18 16:03:53

Just read your message of last week and appreciate your thoughts. From all I read, hear and see, pre-90's discipline was certainly different for boys than many boys today. My parents believed in open communication and since I was an "only" that may have contributed. Friends seemed to be able to communicate with parents too but they occasionally said, I recall, that I had a better open relationship with parents than they claimed to have. Always liked to hear a friend say how great my parents seemed & how they enjoyed visits at my house. Yes, some adults/parents are to blame for that lack of open communication.

My parents were sticklers for truthfulness. A lie always seemed to result in a more severe reprimand. As a young kid I tried it & learned rather than a short time-out on the chair or in the corner, it would get me dad's hand on my bare bottom. I think most boys learn enough younger that they should require less physical punishment as they get older. You mentioned your experience with the cane between 11-14 & that same age period seemed to be when boys at school here too got more paddlings. Our school policy prohibited trousers lowered for spanking/paddling but bent over a desk with back pockets empty, they could lay that wood paddle just below the pocket line too where they was a thin layer of denim only & little to no briefs covering your bottom beneath & leave you red/sore on what we called our 'sit spot' if we tried to sit after.

As curious as I might have been and details I heard from friends who had gotten school paddled, I never figured it would be me. I was the 'good boy' in my thinking & probably had that reputation by classmates/friends. When I got that paddling in 8th, no one was likely cheering to have it happen but sure a few at least felt it was about time that Rick's butt got paddled...maybe the kudos I felt because I was now thought of as one of the guys. Even good boys should get a 'butt warming' when they deserve it & I knew inside I deserved every swats of the paddle at school and every stroke of dad's belt on the bare rump. I can't compare pain level of cane vs belt, but I can say my dad was never cruel but his belt was damn impressive and painful on my young bare butt up to & including the last one at 16.

Dad was my role model. I lost him at 27 to a heart attack but for those earlier young adult years, I tapped his brain often and respected his opinion on how to be the man, husband, dad I wanted to be. In my career, I had often young offender clients who never had a dad or one as good as mine for a role model. For several I could tell, I was the dad they never had & I would impart 'fatherly wisdom' when & to the extent I thought it was needed. I even discovered with some of the late teen and early 20's young adults of the post-1990 era, they were curious about the old days of CP and told me they wish they had a dad, coach/principal at school or a firm adult male in their life who would've spanked them as kids or even hauled down their pants for one of those bare hidings into teen years for the crap & stunts they pulled off. Maybe the old CP methods that served many young guys over generations well to become good/strong men is still sometimes needed too now, especially when words & other options fail.

Rick

Posted by RH on 2018-06-05 14:11:45

Hi Rick

I guess yours and my experience growing up and going to school in the 1960s and 1970s is very different from the experience of growing up and going to school now. Discipline was different, but so was everything else. I think the most important things are that families, parents and children maintain open communication and good relationships. I know some families find it harder than others but I am not sure that the boot camp in Arizona is the answer. And from what I see read and hear the problem is as often with the parents at it is with the children. You must have been proud of how good your parents were with your friends, and how much they enjoyed coming to your house. I would think that as an only child you had an especially close relationship with your parents.

All kids lie until they learn that in the end all lies come back to roost when you forget what you have said. Very often being caught in a lie is more serious then what you were lying about. I think we have all been there and found that a lie escalates little boy mischief to a trousers down beating. In my case one or two sessions with the hairbrush cured me of lying. As you grow older you think you require fewer physical punishments, your Dad or your mum agree. But there is no magic age.

I was 11 nearly 12 the first time I was caned. I was 14 nearly 15 the last time I was beaten at school. It was not an especially a big deal and everyone saw a stripes across your bottom in our communal all age changing, dressing room. It does not matter where you go. Boys in Year 6 year 9 are at the naughty stage find out what they can and cannot. It does not happen now of course. But it was always boys of that age who got the most canings. I was one of them, just a normal boy who did not know when to keep quiet, and that disobeying teachers had painful consequences on your bottom. I do not know if there was a school policy but certainly I answer far as I know nobody I know was ever told to lower their trousers for a school beating. The headmaster did not need to do that to make the cane hurt. Anything that leaves bruises for a week has got to hurt. Do you remember having bruises on your bottom when you were paddle or whipped? Hi I would think by far the worst part was taking another whipping from your Dad at home. And waiting for it. Knowing what is going to happen. That is scary.

I do not think anyone was cheering the first time I was caned apart from the prefect reported me. Maybe my friends tilt I had got away with too much and it was cheering to have it happen but it was about time I got caned. I am sure I had done enough but I had not been caught. As a boy did you ever feel that's the Paddle or the belt was anything other than a fair and reasonable punishment taking into account your age the record and what you had done? You probably did not even think about it. That is just the way it was. You do not need to compare the pain of the belt and the cane. They are both designed to punish a naughty boys bottom and both did a darn good job on boys like you and me.

A dad is the best role model as a kid and as an adult. You lost yours early but hopefully had tapped his brain often enough and listened to his opinion on how you could be the man, husband, dad you wanted to be. You must have missed him and his wise counsel. You met many young offenders who had never had that role model Dad. Some may have seen you as that wise dad figure they never had, sharing fatherly wisdom and some good advice. I am sure that kids need firm discipline at home, and you need a firm adult to make sure you get it, even if that means harking back to kind of punishment we experienced growing up.

RH

Posted by R.J. on 2018-06-09 14:16:14

Richard, times have changed. The 60-70s era certainly had their social changes & my parents taught & guided me through them. As an only, I did have a close parental relationship and look back fondly on that. Open communication was a big factor. My dad dealt with me as a 'son' but in many ways too introduced me to adult-style living that benefitted me as I got older. In my career with young offenders, I saw parental dysfunction as one of the big problems. Never set out to be a dad figure for these young guys but suspect some me as that since they never had one or if there was a dad, not the one they felt open to communicate with often. Tragic results!! I was most amazed at however young offenders felt their lives would've been different had their been more guidance & discipline as boys.

Lying was never an option for me, though I suspect I tried a few times or at least distorted the truth a bit. There was no hairbrush in my boyhood spankings but dad's firm hand as a little guy 'instructed' my bare bottom effectively. There was a spanking paddle introduced around 9 and its wood surface with a few drilled holes burned my young butt straight when I strayed too far. A few of those young incarcerated guys even as late teens and into early 20s told me they wish a damn good spanking as a boy would've been in their upbringing & even now at their age would agree to an old fashion whipping with a belt.

A smacking on the bottom was so common a method of discipline then that we never thought much about it either. Think you are right in that boys 10-15 seemed to get it most often. Sure we had red marked bottoms from it & friends saw those red butt checks in the locker room & sometimes close friends saw when we volunteered to drop our shorts in a show n' tell of a spanking we got either at home or school. No big deal. I never had serious or lasting bruises on my bottom, but it stayed red for several hours and immediately after a home paddling/whipping, I simply wanted to lie face down on my bed to cool-down my butt before pulling up again my shorts. I think when I got it at school or from dad, I realized it was fair for what I had done. Every boy at the moment probably thought too painful & likely unfair, but considering the times I was not caught in something, the spanking was likely overdue. That first school whacking at 13 got me empathy from friends but inside they were probably thinking it was about time Rick got the seat of his jeans spanked like they had gotten.

My dad was my best adult friend and source of wisdom & counsel until that heart attack took him way too young for me. Yes, I tapped this insights often and would've more so into adult life if he had been there still.

Rick