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Parenting and Spanking

Jamie: NY Boy

Posted by R.J. on 2019-03-15 17:00:11

Jamie, it has been awhile, but I'm well aware of what it was like being 16 and having school and social life activities, so no fret over and it is good to hear from you and your thoughts. School classes will be harder now because just as you are giving thoughts to university, school is preparing you for classes & requirements when you go to college. It is good to hear you are progressing well at school. Are you giving thoughts too as to what you hope to study & major in at college?

I imagine all of us dads recall what it was like at your age and yes, we likely engaged in the same with studies, attitudes, dating, driving and those sometimes naughty pranks. Though not a pleasant task, a dad usually acknowledges that discipline sometimes is required & a responsibility to your child & family. Some day that will be your task too likely and whether your generation will use CP or groundings more, it will cut at your heart as you look into your child's eyes. If you as a dad do spank, you'll recall a few you got and what it resulted in and likely model your dad's example.

I've mentioned probably too many times incidents from my career & you may now be tired of hearing, but yes, you are a lucky young man...I was lucky too...having dads who did care. Too many young clients I had, didn't have that male role model. It was not my task in my career to be a belated dad-figure, but found myself often edging into that role & occasionally saw in the client's eyes, it was what he wanted/needed. As to adolescent/teen attitude & being mouthy, we probably all have been guilty and a part of maturing, is moving out of that phase. Growing up & later as a dad, it took only a 'look' sometimes. Sometimes I tapped my belt buckle similar to how my dad did as a warning & I knew to straighten up. Other times, it took the paddle or belt & up to a bedroom for me, & for mine, to get attitude & mouth straightened out. I recall the urge to go face down & bare rear awhile on my bed before I tugged up my shorts too.

No older boys wants to have peers see his behind get it or see him in tears, but we've all been there & done that. It's OK to cry. It does release guilt feelings. In my case I saw disappointment in dad's eyes and that hurt as much as my butt hurt. I think the hardest I ever cried was that moment that the funeral director told me they were ready to close dad's casket & I realized I had him no longer a physical...he would always be spiritually there for me cause that's my faith...presence in my life. I was 27 and bawling but had more memories of good times, his caring, his being there for me, than times he had to whip $%!@ and make me into the man I had become.

We as boys growing up did the damage check too after one of us got it at school or among closest buddies when one got it at home. Might say it was our version of "show n' tell" because friends wanted details. We observed it, discreetly sometimes so not to razz too bad a friend, in the locker room. Though I knew well CP was common in our Midwest region, it was being 18 & going away to college that I discovered just how universal CP was with guys from diverse geographical & social backgrounds. In our dorm rap/bull sessions, it came up occasionally that school had tanned their britches or dad walloped on skivvies or bare over crap they pulled into even teen years. There were guys too at 18/19 who were going to pledge a fraternity and despite university policy against hazing, said they expected (maybe even wanted) the initiation paddling experience. No, I won't ask you to relive your worst from your dad. We've all been there too at some point & will never forget the one or two we got that felt as if dad was really tearing up & taking a layer of flesh off our butt cheeks.

Driving skills do develop with time. You can learn some in a driver ed program & pass the exam and driving test. When a dad takes time to share his skill experiences, it is a personal lesson out of that same care & love as discipline because you are special to him and he wants the best and safety for you. Learning car maintenance skills is important too. I recall once being out in a remote rural area alone & got a flat tire. I recall my dad's instructions & they helped to get me back on the road OK. When I got home & told dad of the flat now in the trunk & I changed tire myself, it was a mix of surprise and pride I saw in his eyes & on his face.

If I'm reading 'between lines' of your message, sounds as if Jamie got into enough trouble recently, maybe attitude or mouth again, for dad to chew-out and ground you. Appears he lifted your car key privileges too!! Often friends had that happen at 16/17 & suspect their dad knew that punishment got a boy's attention darn quick at that age. I never recall driving privileges lifted by my folks, but had they, it would've worked. You think that was what dad needed to do or just grounding you awhile just as effective or would you have rather dad say...Jamie, your room...pants down...bend over & we'll get it over with quick like when you were younger?

Keep up that good progress & when schedule permits, stay in touch.

Rick

Posted by Boy from New York on 2019-05-01 17:39:01

Hi Mr Rick, sir

Turn turn turn turn turn turn. There is a time to every purpose under heaven and that includes the time to write. It has been a long time and things have happened. Good things, and less good things. It is busy being 16 and I am finding it no less busy being 17. Thanks, there are even more things to think about, and things to do. School is stretching us but that is the reason I was sent to that school rather than public school. Social life is busy with Kirstie on the one side and Ollie and my buddies on the other side. Then there is everything else. I am not complaining. I would not change it. But heck, it is not always easy to fit all the pieces into a jigsaw. So I will not fret. I will just try to enjoy the day. And when you are 17 the only limit is your imagination. Oh, there may be some laws and rules as well but, you know.

A time to every purpose under heaven. The time to hold on and a time to share. I always like to tell you what I thinking, and reading your comments even if I do not always agree with them. You are probably the generation of my grandfather and different generations have different mores morals and values. Ours are no worse than yours probably no better either, but they work for us.

You might think that a boy is naughty as I was would benefit from some therapy on his bottom at school and that a few school paddlings would have done me some good. But yours is a different era a different time and it was not going to happen. And naughty as I was i was no naughtier than my friends, and probably not that much naughtier than you. I would think when you were growing up there were fewer rules but the penalty for breaking them were more severe. So that is where I am coming from.

It is good to look to the future, and I think life after school will be very different. And I think it will be exciting living away, away from the restrictions and stresses of living at home. I have not set my heart on a career yet but I think it unlikely the NY Yankees will want me on their line up or that my name will head up a Broadway show. It is more likely to be something like history or politics or economics. And where to go? Anywhere that means I cannot live at home. Or allow too many visits!. Ha! My parents are very understanding about my privacy, but secretly I think they are worried I will be homesick. Or they will be (James-it is).Anyway that is something for the future. For now it is school work at school and living in your own lessons at home. I even cooked dinner for them yesterday, and they ate it. Not that I will be lining alone. I hear most college dudes share, but I hardly think it will be .like sharing with Ollie.

Maybe I will be dad one day. I sure hope so. And maybe I will look back and see in my son everything I did repeating itself as he finds his way as I found mine. A stern voice and perhaps a quiet chuckle to myself after he has gone up to bed. He probably will not often need any more than that. But being a Dad is not enough. You have to DO being dad walk the walk and make tough decisions. And it is probably part of dad duty to .maintain discipline, even though it will sometimes require me to punish her or him. People say that will break my heart. Now, well not NOW, but I could see the hurt in Dads eyes when I had disobeyed him again when you are tuning to up to your bed room. Did you dad ever tell you he probably ought to tan/spank you but that he was not going to? That is what happened when I tried to run away with £2.29 in my pocket. I have never had any trouble spanking Ollies bottom but I do not think it would easy or fun to take a boy. , your sons pants down and whip his hide. Would I do it? Could I do it? There are plenty of options. And when you wonder where he got THAT look in the mirror!

You have told me several times about incidents in your career. It seems to me you were trying to do with words things your dad would have thought needed action. But sometimes I think what boys most need is a listening ear, a listening Dad. I think that is good enough avoid all kinds of problems. Can you tell me what age of young men you were working with?

I think different dads have different ways of dealing with their kids. I am getting more and more confident with the driving as Dad continues to teach me and I gain more experience. We are still learning about maintenance and dad would not let me take the car out on my own until I had changed a tire in the drive on my own.. He took me out onto the highway so we could go a little bit faster but I am not going to be a boy racer just to try and impress my friends. I would rather be late to a party with them then be stopped by police stood up before a judge or be strung up in hospital

Being 17 does not mean you cannot do stupid things and still get into trouble. Nor does mean that you cannot be punished. You probably will not get whipped but my dad has plenty of other ways and on that occasion it was to have my car keys lifted. I thought had grown out of that stage of being a mouthy teenager with attitude. Dad thought otherwise and with what I said it was lucky he did not do more. I felt terrible knowing the way I had hurt him but I also felt terribly embarrassed having to tell Kirstie that I was grounded. And why. I am not the first or only boy who has ever been punished that way, I will not be the last. Losing your car keys and your wheels is a fearsome punishment and one many boys are familiar with. It got my attention pretty darn quick f To tell you the truth I thought that exactly what my dad was going to say but it is a long time since he has put leather across my bottom. It used not to worry me but now I think it would be mega humiliating to have that happen. It may be over quicker but it would be hard to me to say I would prefer it.

My dad did what he needed to do but if you are grounded it does not make much difference if you have a driver's license and car keys or not. I had forgotten how boring it can be if you were grounded but I remembered some of the old tricks I had used when it was a more common occurrence.

It has taken me a whole week to write this message with a little bit here and a little bit there a few minutes now and few minutes then. But it is done now and I hope there is something in there of interest to you,

I hope to hear from you when you have the time and inclination

Best Regards

Jamie

Posted by R.J. on 2019-05-07 16:08:18

Hey Jamie, good to hear from you. First, congratulations on turning 17. For certain, school is stretching your ability and should be. You're not a kid and apparently a mere year away from university. Kirstie, Ollie and other friends require your attention and you require social life with them, especially Kirstie, and that is natural. I admire hearing your thoughts too. You & your generation is the future & we count on you to take that lead. Yes, your grandfather's generation and even when our values and advice seems a bit outdated, it is offered with good intentions toward your best interest. I wouldn't expect you to agree with everything. You got a mind and I, as well as your dad & grandfather, would expect you to use. I doubt your dad agreed with all his dad said either at your age. Know I didn't always agree with my dad as a teen, & that was obvious based on that incident when I was 16 and he did his best & what he needed to do to straighten me out and cure my demonstrated mouthy attitude.

I never said you were a naughty boy, nor worse behaved than friends or your dad or me at your age. I know times have changed but know boys basically haven't. You don't have to agree that there were likely times at school that your bottom would've benefited from a paddling, but then we both know your dad took care of that need when you got home, so school didn't need too. When we were younger in elementary level, school could but rarely spanked us. They instead sat us on a 'naughty' chair or stood us in the classroom corner, knowing when they told mom or dad, as in that incident when I was in 2nd, you'd get the spanking when you got home.

I remember well being excited at 18 moving from home to live on campus in a dorm & it proved the right thing for me. I grew up even more so having that responsibility & you will too. But don't get too $%!@y in outlook. Even big tough guys at 18 & older can experience homesickness, I did my first few days/weeks living on campus. I was a fortunate guy to room with a 20 y/o junior who became like the big brother I never had. He wasn't dad but did some big brother straightening me out when needed & I adjusted well and did well at college. You'll appreciate seeing mom & dad when you do go home for visits & they'll enjoy seeing you, but it will be adult-adult then even though in their heart you will always be their Jamie and even if they say James, you'll know the difference than when called James growing up.

My dad was not one to make idle threats. If it got to the point of a spanking, I got spanked. There were a few warnings like: "if I had done that, your grandpa would've spanked me" - that I wasn't spanked but had a warning to think about. It was like a year out of college, me 23, that I remember a talk with dad & in the conversation I revealed the incident when my cousin, Gene, & I swiped dad's vodka to spike our sodas & how I replaced the vodka with tap water. At 23, dad & I had a good laugh over it, but he assured me that had we been caught at 15, either he or Uncle Jim would've whipped our teenage butts damn good. So yes, I escaped some deserved butt tannings just as you probably did growing up.

As for running away from home, I did that once too when I was like 9/10, & unhappy over something. Figure every kid has done that. Made it several blocks to a park in our neighborhood & hung out with friends until I put 'pride in my pocket' & walked home. Mom & dad hugged me & said they were happy I was home. At bedtime, dad came to my room to tuck & say good night. Sat on the edge of my bed and told me if I ever pulled that stunt again & worried mom, that he would take down my pj's or briefs & paddle my bare $%!@ that I'd long remember--& I believed he would.

Yes, I had young clients and older adult men too. Listening & being a dad figure was what some needed & never had & that worked with them. Policy did not allow any physical correction, however there were incidents like the 14 y/o guy who got upset with me & called me a bitch. Was tempted to slap his face but didn't. Other guys I told that had I been their dad growing up, that I would've paddle or belt tanned their butt for boyhood crap they pulled & some said that was what they had needed. As to age of my clients, that varied over the years of my career from juveniles to senior age. The ones I worked hardest with were like 17-25 because I saw more hope turning their lives around. I think with some I was successful.

It is good that your dad is the one training you to drive and learn maintenance. My dad did that too. I have confidence you are & will be a good/safe driver. Losing car keys as punishment is hard for a boy of 16/17. Hard to admit to friends too what happened & why. Didn't have my own car until college, so no keys for dad to take, but being grounded meant no driving & dad would ground me over a weekend so it cut off any social activities or dating. Like you said, it got my attention too. Had been awhile for me too at 16 since belt had whipped my butt. Sure was not going to admit to any friends that dad had belted me bare $%!@. Told them only dad & I had argued. I got a bit mouthy & was grounded for that weekend.

What you share and when you share I always find interesting Jamie. Do it whenever you can & feel like it. We don't have to agree on ideas, but we can respect each other's thoughts--even when mine are a bit old fashion.

Rick

Posted by Boy from New York on 2019-06-16 12:00:21

Hello Mr. rick, sir

It is always good to talk to you.

Thank you for your congratulations. But 17th birthday is not really down to me but when Mom and Dad had that urge all those years ago! But being 17 means all sorts of changes and coping with those is down to me.

A school should stretch your ability push you hard and motivate you to work hard. If it does not it fails you and prevents you from fulfilling your potential.

You say I am not a kid but I feel like I am treated like one sometimes. I do try to act a bit more grown up now. Now I am looking ahead beyond High School to what comes next. University? I hope so. This summer we have to start thinking about where to go. We do not want to miss the deadline next term.

I do enjoy school, make no mistake. But that does not mean I am not counting off the days until term ends. Even though I will be working again at the same place. I know it is important to make time for my friends, make time to have fun, better social life. Ollie will keep me a little bit wild and Kirstie will keep me sane. She might even keep me good!

I want to have fun and party but I recognize the one day this world will be ours. And it will be down to the fat one in the corner, the girl who stutters and the boy who cannot stop talking as much to anyone else to take things forward and make that future we all want. It is for all of us, rich and poor, black and white smart sexy and good looking. We are all in there somewhere, and we have got to make it together. . Things do change but I do not doubt that your generation set out with good intentions and did your best. Somebody once said to me that sometimes doing your best Is not always enough, but I do not think anyone can really expect you to do more. Maybe your best and what you think is your best are not the same thing

Growing up I understand my dad better and why he is the way he is. He expects me to have a point of view and to be able to back it up especially if it is different from his. But sometimes things get heated out of hand and I can end up on the naughty chair in the hall, up in my room or even taking my pants down. But as with everything else it was done for me rather than to me whether it was a stern talking to for a boyish prank or something a bit more painful when it is more serious than that. Values and attitudes change and what was acceptable to you may not be acceptable to us, and what is acceptable to us might not be acceptable to you. However we have live in a society and with the people around us. What you did might have been the best of all possible options when you did it, even though history will condemn it. Maybe being stretched at school will give me the confidence and skills to make a difference when I am older. I know and knew I was a naughty boy growing up and I paid the price. But I got away with more than I was ever punished for. I doubt I was any naughtier than my friends. We were very much a gang and did stuff together. Just boys like my Dad my grandfather and like you too. As you said times have changed but boys have not. Now I do not know if I would have benefited from being spanked as school but had it been allowed I am sure I would have been. But in our home it did not matter because dad was quite prepared to paddle or belt a naughty boys bottom when required. Discipline notes taken a home for your parents to read and sign usually led to a spanking at home or a threat to be sent to public school. Sure as shooting I did not want that

Going to college and moving out still seem a long way in the future. But it is not too early to get excited about the idea and learning some home skills. We started on those at the end of last year, about the same time as we started to car maintenance and I think I am making good progress not just with the cooking but with laundry tidying up, putting pizza boxes and Coke cans in the trash taking the trash out, making beds. I wonder how much of that I will carry on doing!

It will be a big adventure for me, something completely different from what I am used to! Being my own, making my own rules. I hope I get a good roommate who can show me the ropes like you did. Let me ask you this, sir. Did you ever have any embarrassment or difficulty in sharing a room with another boy like at times when you were both naked? Or sleeping nude? Or anything like that. I would hope that by the time I go to college all that silliness will be out of my system. You know, grown up. And maybe I will appreciate my parents and moms home cooking more than I do now. And by then hope well be more than family. Adult, friends, and me no longer dreading the call JAMES!

Although mom could pack a punch on a boys bottom and did when we were little kids increasingly she left it to Dad as we grew older. He would be firm but fair, consistent and if he said he was going to do something he did it. So like yours he did not make threats he would not carry through. But until it got to that stage there were usually warning signs we could pick up on. Of course some things were naughty enough to get you spanked right off. I am not sure about it is ever deserved until you are caught. I can think of plenty of days plenty of times when I could have been spanked probably should have been but was not because I was not found out. Yes, dads are good at telling you how grandpa would have punished them if they had behaved like you do.

I think a lot of kids think of running away and even those who actually make a start are usually back in bed before anyone realizes they have gone. After my adventure I was fully expecting a spanking so you can imagine my relief when Dad said he would probably regret it but would not this time. And he extracted a promise from me that there would not be a next time. Your experience of parents being happy to see you home but getting serious later mirrors mine very closely. My dad said the naughtiest part was worrying mom so I tried to make it up to her. Did you spend your whole career in corrections? I do not think many boys have that on their bucket list of jobs to do.

I think that a dad is probably the best person to teach you to drive provided you do not have stress issues between you. I had some paid for lessons as well of course but driving mom and dad around gave me the practice I needed. Car maintenance is not part of the driving test so it is good that Dad is taking the time to help me with that too.

Driving has started out well and I hope I remain a confident safe driver. I have heard of other boys who lose all sense once they have car keys. I hope I am not like that. Losing car keys as a punishment may be hard for a boy of 16/or 17. May be hard to admit to friends too what happened and why. Imagine how much harder it would be having to tell them you was spanked!!! Of course I do not have my own car and am unlikely to be getting one anytime soon. Sometimes Dad lets me take their car out on a date but if I am grounded having no car keys does not make much difference

I hope your kids get in touch this Fathers Day.

Things change and ideas differ. But mutual respect should always be on the agenda.

Goodbye for now sir and let's talk again soon.

Jamie

Posted by R.J. on 2019-06-22 18:47:55

It is always good to talk with you too, Jamie. You are such a bright youthful young man in what you have to say and over time I could detect how you are maturing. It is only expected that school would push and challenge you and classmates. You have big responsibilities ahead if you attend university and to formulate a career from there. In some eyes, at 17 you appear to be a 'kid' but continue to act and prove yourself to be a courteous and responsible young man and you'll win folks over to your maturity.

We all in my school days counted off the days to holiday and summer breaks. You study hard and then earn and deserve a break. Enjoy your summer when classes end. Continue your best in that summer job, it like school is preparing you for your future. When you have time off, then "let down your hair" and you & Ollie do the 'wild child' stuff to relax and refresh, but keep excess wild ideas under control. Good to hear that Kirstie keeps you sane and good. You need her balance along with Ollie's ideas.

Hopefully those days of 'naughty chair' or confinement in room or dropping your shorts for a butt whipping are over. You are 17 and more responsible I would assume for that nature of correction. You have a right to your opinion but always keep it respectful, be it dad or with anyone. I suspect we all got away with stuff growing up, but like you say, when caught there was a price to pay and often it was paid on your backside. I have told you before how I got school paddled and though not what I wanted as a teen, I did know it was deserved, especially the first time in 8th. Looking back then, it was beneficial and might well have been for you, Ollie and your so-called gang. I think best when parents handle punishment, but school was only doing what parents knew & consent to. You were obviously privileged to attend a private school. I knew some guys in HS who transferred in from a private school thinking public would be easier and less strict. Apparently some were surprised after awhile. Classes were still demanding and though public district had to accept you, you get too far out of line and the VP could still paddle your butt.

Apparently only a year away for university, so prepping is a good idea for success when you move out of parent's house to dorm or share an apartment with friends. I think for freshman year of college on campus dorm experience is best route. You'll succeed in those household chores. I bet your parents gave you chores to do growing up and so on your own, it will be natural unless you give up on yourself and try to live like a 'human pig' which I couldn't see happen with you Jamie. A big difference will be that you self-discipline yourself rather than under the threat of a grounding or a butt busting if you don't do the chores.

To answer your question on college life embarrassment: no not really any more than a potential embarrassing moment you & Ollie or other friends might have experienced in HS or growing up. I was lucky to have a junior as my roommate freshman year & I learned more 'ropes' to success from him than ever being embarrassed. If naked in the room together, it was no different than naked in locker room or showers in HS. He had some friends who visited the room & got wild at times especially if out for a night drinking, but I held my own and you will too. I recall one late night, a friend under influence of beer came into room & saw me in bed and slurred that he was going to jump & land on me in bed. Thought I was asleep, so as he got a running start, I just lifted my knee & foot & thank God he stopped short of a jump because he would've had his 'family jewels' busted if he had landed on my knee/foot.

My mom probably could've spanked when I was a little kid & it would've been fair and deserved, but she preferred corner time or time-out on a chair instead. She saved my butt numerous time by not telling dad when he got home crap I pulled. If serious behavior, she simply told dad and I got put over his lap and bare bottom spanked. It was better for me...probably you too...that it was dad who had us haul down our britches when we were older for a paddling or the belt. It likely a bit awkward as a teen if mom had busted my bare rump. Yes, most of my adult career was in the field of corrections department...juveniles & adults. It wasn't my planned career goal, but I fell into it & after awhile enjoyed my job and felt I was good at it. I got my degree and state certification to teach but that didn't prove out what I expected or wanted to do. With a college degree, a guy should have a broad enough education that he can go in whatever area of employment he finds interesting & do a good job. A college degree doesn't lock you into one career area unless you really choose that area.

I'm sure you are a good driver and will continue to be so. I never lost car keys as a punishment but driving a family car made me feel an obligation to drive with caution. If grounded, obviously I wasn't driving anywhere. My last butt whipping from dad at 16 was a Friday evening with party plans. Had to tell guys I wouldn't be there after all since I was grounded...left out that my mouth had overloaded and dad had belted my bare hide. After awhile I did fess up to a couple good buddies because I knew their had was still tanning their teen hides too. That was just more common back then.

Yes, had a nice Father's Day with family. Hope your family had a good day too and dad discovered how much you still admire and respect and thank him. Yes, when time allows, stay in touch.

Rick