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Parenting and Spanking

I was hardly ever spanked

Posted by R.J. on 2018-10-04 16:34:19

Bob, I only presented that point because I think brothers could have worked it out between each other if given time. One brother at least knew he was the guilty one & I would think his conscience would begin to bother him if he thought his innocent brothers would be punished too. That schoolboy code of not 'ratting out' another mate I'm sure was strong bond between brothers too. Watching an innocent brother be spanked would be just as big a breech of the brotherhood bond as tattling.

Maybe that is the important factor that dad was calm & rational, while mom was more emotional. Mom only disciplined me primarily when a young kid and it amounted to me standing in the corner or sitting on what might be called the naughty chair while she went about household duties. They were seldom long periods & often resolved it. If I had been guilty of something more serious than that, she simply told dad when he got home and my bottom got spanked. I was never afraid of my dad...maybe like any boy, scared of a spanking. My dad was calm too. Never spanked in anger or harshly, even if it meant a longer wait sitting in my room. I learned years later as a young adult he spanked bare so to visualize when enough was enough. I too don't remember every one of them nor spankings I likely deserved but never caught. I loved both of my parents and we had a great relationship up to their deaths.

I think most guys would prefer a non-spanking punishment, especially as we got older into our teen years. I do however recall guys saying in HS they would opt a paddling rather than be benched from their sports or serve an after school detention that had them miss practice or endanger an after school job. Some guys I think would've taken it on the butt even at 16 rather than forfeit car keys and be grounded. Guess just a matter of what was a priority. Both school paddlings I got over jeans hurt some & left my butt red/sore a few hours but nothing all that bad nor compared to dad tanning me with the paddle/belt on bare.

Rick

Posted by bob76 on 2018-10-04 21:35:08

Rick,

Maybe you're right that we would have convinced the guilty brother to own up if we'd been given time to work it out among ourselves. You're right that the "code" worked both ways, or should have worked both ways: not letting another boy be punished for something that you had done. At 8 years old I'm not sure if my brother understood that. He did confess eventually, when it looked like the spankings were never going to end if he didn't.

Did you have brothers or sisters, and if so was there ever a group spanking where all the kids were spanked? You've said that you were spanked bare bottom in private. Did that also apply when more than one kid was spanked?

We were spanked by both parents. In a letter to his mother in the U.S. my father wrote about a time when my youngest brother, who was 6 years old at the time, gave a haircut to my sister, who was 4. I'll call them Danny and Julie. "While the boys were getting hair cuts last week Julie came in to show me HER hair cut! Sure enough, she had a big whack down to the scalp right in front. Danny did the honors. Hoping to definitely discourage future hair cuts of this sort I gave both of them a rather thorough spanking. On the way to bed that night Danny stopped by to tell me he forgave me for getting mad. Thoughtful of him (and most typical) - hope I learned my lesson!"

I don't remember ever being told "Wait until your father gets home". Maybe it would have happened if I'd been spanked as a teenager.

I can only remember one time when I was given a choice of punishments: the incident where I was punished for cutting across the grass when I was 14. I suppose I might have chosen CP if the alternative would have been missing out on something important to me, like going to a school dance with a girl that I liked.

Bob

Posted by bob76 on 2018-10-12 03:03:20

A couple more spanking-related letters written by my father. Approximate ages: me 10, "Sam" 8, "Jimmy" 7, "Danny" not quite 6, "Julie" 4. The first one talks about the black mark system that I mentioned earlier. I'm guessing that I got black marks for talking in class and/or bad handwriting. Funny that I was "pleased" about my brother getting black marks.

"Up to last week, Sam had a perfect record of no black marks. Bobby of course has accumulated a respectful number, which oddly enough he is not too proud of. He at least was pleased when Sam got two last week - for not doing homework, I believe. One reason they don't like to be given black marks is that after a certain number they get a caning. Bob says he has a margin of 10 through the end of the term (which is quite a ways off!). We are very confident Sam is out of danger - he is the "good" type of boy. Bobby is good, but loud - in fact he is good and loud."

In the second story "Jimmy" made it clear that he wasn't going to take orders from his older brother. Apparently the "schoolboy code" of not ratting out friends/brothers didn't apply in this instance. "Liz" is my mother and "Faith" is our housekeeper.

"Last Saturday morning Liz let Faith off not realizing we would be gone for language lessons. We left the kids at home under Bobby's supervision. He was not to punish the kids - only keep a record. When we got home Sam told us Jimmy had 62 spankings coming! Bobby said no, it was only 38. Sentence was commuted."

Posted by R.J. on 2018-10-13 16:00:25

Bob,

As an only child w/o siblings, I might be misguided on this code or bond, but growing up I knew such code between friends and I knew friends who had such a bond of never 'ratting-out' or snitching on each other. At age 8, your younger brother might've been simply too scared of his own punishment that he just couldn't bring himself to confess even to save a brother's backside. Did he get additional spanking from dad once he had confessed his guilt or was his confession just dad ceasing the spanking of each of you now?

There obviously was no group spanking at home w/o siblings. My dad's method was private & in my room because he never felt it a part of punishing to try to humiliate or embarrass. He never spanked any of my friends who he caught misbehaving, he just sent them home & told their parents. He expected them to do the same with me. When school ask parents to consent in writing if they would permit a paddling in school, dad signed, and I don't think he ever thought it would happen because I had a good conduct habit at school. At school was the only time I ever got spanked/paddled in front of a peer or by other than my dad. School didn't allow trousers to be lowered & I don't think my parents would've wanted/tolerated the VP to take my jeans down to paddle spank me. My bare bottom was his 'reserved' target for spanking at home. The use of my room also gave me a place in private after to cry it out & recover, then return to family life activity knowing I was forgiven & slate was clean again & over.

Likely being a boy, mom left cp to dad to deal with me. Her method was corner time or sitting on a chair in time-out. Often that ended matters & dad was never told. When I was older there were a few mouth-washings with soap when my mouth-attitude overloaded or simply grounding me to my room to await dad. The wait in my room was also dad's way of having time to cool-off any upset/anger before he would spank my rear-end. That wait & anticipate was a punishment in a way in itself. Were there any incidents as a teenager that you look back on, or even then, thought you should've been given a tanning on your butt & it be over, rather than grounded or a desired privilege taken away?

CP is certainly not the answer or appropriate with all kids or in all situations, but it was a common method when & where I grew up and boys knew the consequences they would likely face if/when caught. Guys from my youth that I'm still in contact with, have turned out to be successful in careers & family, so it appears there was no harm physically or emotionally from having been butt spanked.

Rick

Posted by bob76 on 2018-10-13 18:22:03

Rick,

It was actually my mom, not my dad, who spanked us when "Jimmy" (not his real name) broke a lamp at age 8. You're probably right that he was too scared to admit that he was the one who broke the lamp. My mom was really mad. Jimmy did eventually confess when he saw that we were all being spanked for what he'd done. As I remember it, my mom spanked him harder than she did when she didn't know who was guilty, and as I related in an earlier message, she didn't stop until the hairbrush broke. I don't think he got an additional punishment from my dad. My parents were big believers in "not in front of the children" and I never saw any disagreement between them, but I imagine that they must have had a discussion after the hairbrush spanking because they instituted a new spanking policy as I described in an earlier message.

Unlike the excerpts from letters written by my dad which I've posted in my last couple of messages, I can't find anything in the family letter collection which directly talks about the lamp breaking incident. I did find this in a letter written by my mom to her parents: "The children are getting a little wild....I hope George and I can survive this school holiday!" ("George" being my dad.) Assuming that's when the hairbrush spanking happened I was 11, "Sam" 9, "Jimmy" 8, "Danny" 7, "Julie" 5. If all the children were "getting a little wild" and Jimmy was unlucky enough to be the one who broke a lamp while running in the house then maybe the hairbrush spanking wasn't as unfair as I thought it was at the time. Something else I've wondered about is whether I'd been left in charge as I was when I was 10. It's hard to remember details after so many years.

As I get older I'm becoming more tolerant of parents who spank their kids, even on their bare bottoms. I don't think my siblings and I needed to be spanked because we were basically good kids even if we got a little wild at times. You seem to be O.K. with it even though you got it much worse than I ever did. It's hard to draw the line between legitimate punishment and abuse, but I'm more willing now to give parents the benefit of the doubt. It's also possible that, as you've suggested elsewhere, some kids who ended up in juvenile detention or prison would have benefited from more discipline when they were growing up.

Since we were spanked over clothes there was no privacy concern about my mom spanking us in front of each other. If my sister had been spanked when she was older she might have asked to be spanked in private, even if it was over clothes. As it happened, that was her last spanking. I talked to her about it a few years ago and she said she didn't remember it. At 11, if the spanking had been bare bottom I think I would have preferred to be spanked by my dad instead of my mom. The last time I remember my mom seeing me naked was when I was 7.

As far as I know my parents weren't asked to sign a consent form for us to be caned or paddled at school. In Rhodesia all boys were subject to being caned and the schools didn't need parental consent. I don't know whether my parents were asked to sign consent forms in U.S. states where CP was legal.

With five kids in the family it was hard to find a private place to cry after a spanking. At 11 I didn't want to cry in front of my younger siblings, but as far as I can remember I never made fun of them when they cried. I would guess that crying in front of friends or schoolmates would have been much worse, but luckily I never had to find out.

I remember my mom washing my mouth out with soap when I was about 6 years old. I don't remember what I said to earn such a penalty. Back talk? Learned a bad word at school? Do parents still punish kids that way?

The only time I remember being punished as a teenager was when I lost my motorcycle privileges for a week for letting "Jimmy" ride the motorcycle around the yard when I was 16 and he was 13. I wouldn't have preferred CP and would have been shocked if my dad had "tanned my hide" at that age. But as I've said, it's possible that I would have agreed to it, if given the option, if the alternative would have had been missing out on something that was really important to me. As far as I can remember, not being able to ride the motorcycle for that particular week wasn't that big a deal for me and I considered it to be a fair punishment (unlike the hairbrush spanking). I'd thought I was being responsible by telling "Jimmy" he could only ride the motorcycle in the yard and not on the street, since he didn't have a driver's license, but I learned otherwise. Maybe that's why I never bought cigarettes or alcohol for my underage friends when I was older, because I'd learned my lesson.

Bob