Welcome! Sign in to access your account. New user?
ADULT: OFF HOME DIRECTORY SEARCH RANDOM POLL MAKE A POLL

Parenting and Spanking

Dennis

Posted by R.J. on 2018-08-22 17:22:52

Hey Dennis, you seem to always have good thoughts and so a pleasure to hear from you. Do stay 'kool' and I'm sure you & your generation will handle those challenges just fine. Yes, I'm enjoying my volunteer work. Balanced pace and appears it helps & contributes. What I wanted out of my retirement extra time now.

There is a level of responsibility that goes with you now being an upperclassman in HS and being on the student council is an additional responsibility to represent your own class and the overall school so everyone benefits & things improve--similar to my now intent to volunteer & help to the best of my ability with talents I have. I'm sure Josh does & has looked up to you as a big bro role model. Keep that in mind not only with regards to Josh but all those younger HS guys who might be watching & admiring from afar & you don't see or notice.

You & Josh and your generation has no monopoly on taking risks, doing pranks or that naughty boy on occasion. I've told you of some of my slip-ups. Maybe your dad has mentioned his too and maybe if it was in connection with something you or Josh did similar & got caught. When caught, we all got punished somehow. Today, parents & school take a different approach as to what is appropriate or needed punishment. I suspect there were many of those 's--t scared' moments I had awaiting dad to get home in my room. That whole 8th grade moment at school & seeing the paddle come out & knowing darn well I was getting a butt busting real soon & that would only be a prelude to the real busting I'd get when I got home. I'm sure you, Paul & Ramon are good boys. Dealt with many good boys who screwed up bad enough one/two times to end up in juvenile detention-- talk about scared, I saw more than a few in tears over their situation. I always thought it better to shed those tears rubbing a sore rear end from your dad than tears in my office because of juvenile court decision. I'm sure you, Paul & Ramon wouldn't end up as 'good boys' in that circumstance, but risks have consequences & I'm fairly confident to think you 3 might have dads who would rather take down your skivvies and give you an earned whipping than see you in custody.

As to school swats or paddle spanking over trousers/jeans, that became a whole new experience for me at 13. Never got it at school. Dad might have paddled my behind in briefs a few times but rarely & never over pants unless you count a warning smack. I was curious I suppose when others got it at school--what it would feel/be like. When it became that reality moment in the office, I was scared/shocked. Suspect you or Josh would feel the same if your school administrator had permission & spanked you. It wasn't as bad as getting it bare from dad, but still hurt plenty. I figure that one time you speak of that you got spanked twice in one day is one you'll never forget.

At 16, I doubt any guy is mature enough & ready to be a husband/dad yet. When I say it's a warm up for that role, I guess I mean how you care for/treat Josie is a telltale of how you might learn to be that good husband. Guys have physically & sexually hurt girls on dates--I've had them in my career so I know it does happen. Maybe they witnessed their dad abuse their mom growing up & think a 'real man' is the one who slaps around a female. A boy sees how dad treats mom & he'll likely do similar when he has a special girl on a date, like you say you think of Josie. I suspect your dad would come down harder on you or Josh if you disrespect mom than if it was with him. Young boys might get into fights with another boy. Boys might mouth-off to another boy over a disagreement. But let that boy hit a girl or verbally abuse her and dad see or hear, that boy might be into bigger trouble than he wants.

Wishing you good luck in both the new school year & your upcoming driver's test. Your hard work will pay off & so stick to it--stay confident--do your best. Even if you don't think you've found God, know God has found you & has been working on you toward His plan for you for more than 16 years while you were still in mom's womb. You got apparently a great mom & dad in your life--know you have a great dad too in God.

Rick

Posted by Pineapple Rag on 2018-09-02 13:38:01

Hi Mr. Rick

Thank you for your message and your kind comments. It always gives a boy a warm glow to read something like that. I think that by keeping a kool mind and a kool heart, and by holding our nerve we can face those challenges and changes whatever they are. I think we have to be bold and embrace that kind of challenge. But right now the biggest challenges for meare the ones inside myself. I think that slowing down and taking stock will show me if I have made the right choice.

I am counting down the minutes until we go back to school. Between then and the winter recess there are seven, maybe eight days when schools are closed. When we do go back I will be a Junior. It sounds very grand to say upperclassman but it does help you to realize that you have responsibilities. Of Course being on the school council gives me wider responsibilities to both my peers and the school, The Principal told me to keep in mind that younger HS guys will be watching and admiring me from afar even if I do not see or notice. That is an awesome responsibility.

Even good boys take risks play prianks and sometimes get into trouble and are punished. What is appropriate has changed over time but we both had or have parents who did what seemed to be right. And probably was. I think every boy has those $%!@ scared moments when he knows he has messed up good and is going to pay big time. Yeah Ramon Paul and I were good boys, most of the time but in different circumstances we could have been in big trouble. You say the juvenile justice system might not have seen us as such a good boys. But we are lucky enough to have dads who believe discipline begins at home. They might not like whipping us but they would far rather take down our skivvies and do that than see us in custody.

Anything you can learn at home is going to help you at school, at work or in the big wide world. I am sure that it would be better to shed tears rubbing a sore bottom then crying because of a juvenile Court decision. I hope it never comes to that, to either of those.

As to school swats we do not and did not get any. But though another generation I would bet that we would feel much as you did if our school administrator had permission and spanked us as yours did. I am sure it would make us think even if it was not as bad as getting it bare from dad. I will never forget that one day that I got spanked twice. Perhaps a bit like coming home to a spanking after you got one at school.

Ok I guess I now understand what you mean about a warm up role. What I learn now about how to treat Josie will likely affect the way I treat... Wow I have never thought of actually having a wife but one day that special girl will be more than a date and hopefully the mother of my children. The way you treat women is obviously different from the way you treat another boy. You might bloody his nose but if you disrespect or slap a girl and your dad knows about it you are once again in that deep $%!@ trouble. But sure as shooting I am not ready to be husband or Daddy just yet. And Josie and I know how to make sure that does not happen. We like each other a lot. I mean a lot. We both know what we like and we both know where the boundaries are. For now at least sex is on the other side of the fence.

Thank you for your good wishes. I am sure things will pan out and I am looking forward to October when I can take my driver's test. I have been lucky enough to have been able to practice all summer.

But there is something else that has been on my mind all summer, and finally I know the answer.

Samuel Samuel Dennis. Speak Lord for your servant is listening

And I heard the voice of the Lord saying Whom hhall I send and who will go for us. I said here am I. Send me

Lord you know all things. You know that I love you

I hear the Lord calling me loud and clear and I feel I have no option. Like I said to JB (John) I know one day I shall have to offer God everything I am or will be soul and body. I know if you want to be one of the King's men you have to be willing to do things his way. So whatever he asks me to do wherever he asks me to go I will do and trust him to give me the tools to succeed.

This is something I have been thinking about for months but now I am sure. So I guess you are right that God has found me and has spent 16 years preparing me for today. And tomorrow.

Back to school barbeque was great and we had fun romping in the tent for most of the night. At least until it got light. I am waiting for my turn under the shower. Paul and Snowy are in there at the moment

Dennis

Posted by R.J. on 2018-09-08 16:11:10

Hi Dennis,

I think we all need to hear favorable comments from time-to-time. It wasn't intended to give a 'big head' but sincere. My generation does depend on your generation to take what we tried to build and reshape it even better. Keeping 'kool' as you say is always good approach. Internal struggles are always with us, a part of life even for adults.

You have an awesome responsibility facing you, but I'm sure you are up to it. The younger classes will be watching, but you are by now an old-pro I'm sure by now as an older brother & even if Josh won't admit sometimes, I'm sure he has looked up to you in awe for guidance to a path he wants for himself. You've been fortunate too that you have apparently good parents who built a foundation in you...you can do it.

I'm sure you three are good boys. I saw myself as one too at your age and younger. I wasn't implying you, Ramon, Paul were anywhere near candidates for a juvenile court system. Your dads likely would've intervened long before that ever happened & for a good reason--the love & care they have for you. Good boys do mess up. I dealt with many potential good boys in my career that just needed supervision/guidance. I gave them those same good comments when they deserved them & I often saw in their facial expression it hit home & was appreciated; I knew how to 'chew butt' & set them straight when required too. I attribute that to my parents & the way they raised me & from experience as a dad. You'll look back some day & hear yourself as you hear your dad's words now & see even more his influence on you.

Well Dennis, even though a long time ago, it did leave an impression with me both times I got the paddle at school. Nothing like dad tanning me pants down but I left the office both times rubbing a sore butt & a damage check in the bathroom mirror showed why. I doubt my friends & I were any naughtier than you & your friends, but it did us no harm to get paddled at school when we earned one. Even if not paddled at school, were you ever spanked by someone other than your parents? Your dad ever need to spank a friend when both of you messed up?

Know...enjoy...have fun with that relationship with Josie. I truly meant it when I said it was training ground in practice to become a real man/husband maybe some day. At your age, keep the sex on the other side of the fence. You'll look back some day and be pleased you did. My dad often overlooked confrontations between him & I & I think he knew that was part of a boy's growing up independence. Maybe I'd get a warning or stern look to 'cool it' but let me disrespect mom & dad hear it or be told & he was on me big time straightening out my attitude/behavior.

I'm not one who pushes religion down anyone's throat, but share my faith thoughts as freely as I can. It has been a big part of my life growing up. Like all young guys, I've had my moments of doubts/questions, but my parents laid a good foundation for me when still young, just as part of that foundation involved love, caring, education, good morals, respect etc. Just remain open Dennis to God and as a spiritual father, he'll work with you & shape you & your life just as your dad & mom have shaped you.

By now school should be through your first week & you guys getting settled in. I bet it feels good being a junior. Looking at freshmen and then looking back to think if you and your friends were once that nerdy acting. To them, your class will look so big & powerful & that is when that role model responsibility kicks in & you can razz or hassle them or be that "Big Brother" image you are for Josh & make a difference in their life.

Rick

Posted by Pineapple Rag on 2018-09-18 16:48:27

Hi Mr. Rick

Your future depends on my generation with our future depends on yours. And one day we will pass it on to our children.

Cool ideas, kool head kool heart and good luck will lead to the best outcomes.

These days most of my struggles are internal ones.

This is an awesome responsibility in several different directions. There is a responsibility in knowing that the younger classes are looking at us in some awe, the responsibility of being on the student council and also the responsibility or offering lil bro Josh some guidance as he looks to me to help him find a path to his future, even though he is too proud to admit it. My parents have been good to me and they hope and I hope they have equipped me for these responsibilities. I think it all comes down to good foundations and life experiences. And knowing what your responsibilities are.

Yes Mr. Rick, essentially we are good boys, all three of us. None of us has ever done anything seriously bad, but we have all had our moments. I like your reassurance that you think our dads will do enough to make sure we never become candidates for the juvenile Court system. They care too much and love us too much to let that happen. Even good boys mess up sometimes.

I think all of us need guidance and supervision and where possible the best person to do that is a dad. Your dad. I think a lot of boys who get into trouble are no more good or more bad than us but have not had the breaks. I know my dad has a lot of good advice for me and perhaps one day I will hear myself saying those same words to a son in need of some support or guidance. I would not want a son of mine heading towards the juvenile Court system.

It may have been a long time ago but it seems to have made a big impression on you in that you remember so much about the experience even now. I do not think you were probably any naughtier than we are but when you were growing up I think discipline was harsher. If I had been growing up in your era I would have been an early candidate to get the paddle at school. No harm and if you messed up at school you knew what to expect from the principal, and you knew what to expect from your dad.

I was well aware, I learnt from experience that dad being away did not mean I could avoid being spanked. If Mom did not want to do it I had uncles and a grandfather who would step up. It did not happen often. I am sure the dads of some of my friends would have liked to have tanned my hide, but they never did. I came closest when Marcus Dad took the two of us camping one weekend. Boy, was I in trouble when I got home. No, dad never needed to spank a friend. He knew a quick telephone call or text would make sure that boy was appropriately punished at home.

My relationship with Josie is based on friendship affection shared values shared beliefs and affection. She is very special to me. Of course there is a physical side, but for now sex is very definitely on the other side of the fence. We will probably save it until we are both sure who are life partner will be. I wonder if I will be one of the 30% of boys who graduate college without having had sex.

My dad tries to prevent a heated discussion or disagreement developing into a standoff or confrontation. He understands the need for a boy to assert himself and his independence. But of course there are limits. He lets me get away a lot more when talking to him than if I disrespected my mum in that way. I would not do that but if I did he has a sure and certain way to sort out my attitude and behavior. It is only a short walk to bring the belt from Josh's room into mine.

After months of doubt I have finally made any decision to admit my mistakes reassess my direction and invite god into my life. There is some turmoil, and I find it helpful to have some quiet time quality time each morning when it is just him and me. I think this will probably change my life. It certainly should. I am aware of added responsibility and I know that one day god will take my mind soul and body and say what you think of me? Did you ever think that kind of challenge?

School is sitting down but they have told us that this year we need to start thinking about what we will have to put on a college application next year. You know, sport, extracurriculars and community service that sort of thing. It should not feel that different being a junior but somehow it does feel good. I know the freshman look up to us, I think maybe more to me. It is hard to believe we were I was once that nerdy. Maybe our class is big and powerful to them but as a member of the student council I have responsibility to the whole student body. I would not be a very good role model if I razzed or hassled them. I guess I will have to look to my experience and be that big brother who can make a difference

That is all for now. Let us talk some more

Dennis

Posted by R.J. on 2018-09-25 16:51:17

Dennis, my generation tried to lay a good foundation for your generation, but you are correct in saying we now depend on you younger guys to use it and make your life and the future even better. Josh might not want to admit, but you have influenced his life.

I've had no reason to doubt you were good & you yourself have said in messages that your dad was a guiding force in your life and that of Josh. Your dad knows and I too recall boyhood and even good boys find trouble, but having good dad usually keeps a boy from crossing any trouble line too far. Someday you will likely do the same for a son you might have. Often the boys I encountered and counseled were not that bad either, but lacked parental supervision. Had they had it, they too would not have been in the juvenile or adult court system now.

I probably recall things because I was that basically good boy who didn't need frequent discipline at school or home. When it did happen, it left more of an impression and stuck in my memory. Do you think Dennis that you would've really been an early candidate for a school paddling had you been in school in my generation? Maybe I would've been earlier than 8th but got off with a warning or verbal reprimand because of my overall good conduct. When my buddy & I got it in 8th we deserved to have our butts paddled & that memory did stick with me. How do you think you would've reacted if you had been paddle spanked at school? I don't think my dad ever felt the need to spank on of my friends either. As you said, a call was sufficient & the matter was handled by your own dad.

Your description of the relationship with Josie sounds healthy and wholesome. I will commend you both and hope both of you are among that 30% when you finished college. It will be all the more special that first time with your life partner.

Generally my dad was similar and we had open conversations and they might have been a bit heated as I got older and asserted my independence. Dad might warn and leave it at that initially. If he saw or heard me disrespect mom, it was always a trip to my room for a bare butt tanning. Does (did) your dad keep a special spanking belt in Josh's room that was used with both of you? Were you ever waiting in your room & hear Josh getting the belt and know your dad would be making that walk with the belt in his hand to your room next?

I think all boys go through a period of challenge with faith and a relationship with God in their life. Part of the growing up process & learning self-responsibility. I think I was aided a great deal though as a young boy with good faith-based parents. As an only child, I took on their teaching about God being my 'spiritual' father and in my young mind, I figured Jesus was then my brother. I didn't have that older brother to guide me that some friends had, so heck, a 'spiritual' brother was a good deal for me. May be a bit weird sounding, but that gave me a brother that I could go to for 'talks' & when the light were out and I laid in bed in the quiet, I had him in my room with me.

Junior year is a good time to think about college and not just wait until senior year. It may have changed some since my HS days, but some guys took ACT Tests in junior year and even talked & took campus visits with parents to colleges they were more interested in. Your extracurricular activities will play a part on a college application. I can't recall for sure if I got acceptance letters from 3 or 4, but my folks were so proud when those letters arrived. They worked hard to encourage me to make college and it was a joint effort of me working/saving and financial sacrifices on their part that made me through undergraduate degree. I later took graduate studies as an adult.

Always good hearing from you. Take care.

Rick