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Parenting and Spanking

Dennis

Posted by R.J. on 2018-05-15 16:44:27

Hi Dennis,

Intended to get to your message sooner, but between a bout of stomach virus and a new volunteer program at our community center, I've been delayed. Change is what makes life interesting...not stagnant. Part of why I retired was I though change would be good for me, the clients and system. Using computers for assignments is good and such tech ability a part of our present world, just don't lose the desire for good clean handwriting either.

Boys have tried to master deception to get away with things for generations likely. A part of being a boy. Successful sometimes...caught at others. When you know you are guilty it makes a punishment more acceptable. Dads were boys once too and they do remember some of those 'tricks' and what is effective. A variety of punishments are best and should fit appropriate the offense & if a first time or repeated violation. It is an honor to be a dad & you and Josh will learn that likely some day.

One thing I'll always note about my dad was his fairness & pretty consistent. I really admired him as I'm sure by your words, you & Josh admire your dad. I left the office that morning fairly confident that I faced a lickin' that evening at home. Our parents had been called & aware what Rob & I had done. By 13, I had graduated from dad's hand to the paddle but wasn't sure if I'd get a paddling or the belt since the principal had already paddled my rear-end. As to the incident at 16, I regretted my words the moment they left my mouth. The "F" was out of character for me. Humiliated that dad even heard. You're at that age now and know sometimes a teen boy is arrogant & a wise-a$$ with words. Dad I know now did what was right & needed.

Was your dad ever easy with you or Josh and give a spanking or paddling to the seat of your jeans or something more than just wearing undershorts or bare? I actually perceived a paddling over my Levis would be a 'cake-walk' until that first time at school. Of the 5 swats he made sure a couple went below pocket level where there was just thinner denim & hardly any part of my briefs. Of course you would've survived OK as all boys have a spanking for generations.

That birthday ritual has been a tradition in many regions for generations for boys and among best friends. At 16, I'm sure those best buddies telling you to drop your britches had memories for every guy present & experience with their dad. Just as I had said a school paddling would've done you a world of good, your buddies did you a world of good in their own way, and you'll return that favor on their birthday, to give those 17 whacks on your teen bottom. There were a few incident I recall when yes, I got dual birthday spankings from different guys. It was an expected experience & I guess I could still laugh over it along with them even rubbing a sore behind.

As I said previously, a dad sometimes just knows what is best & needed to achieve correction. You were honest & manned-up & I'm sure your dad wasn't impressed by your behavior/reasoning but likely impressed by your honesty. At 15/16 he likely figured grounding you away from weekend social plans hurt as much, maybe even more, than swatting your butt. Maybe if you had attempted to lie & it was detected, dad could've tanned you that Friday evening & stilled grounded your weekend. That would've given you even more to think about & tend to over that weekend!!

Enjoy and hang-tough what remains of the school year and upcoming exams over next 4-5 weeks. Enjoy your summer on the beach. Be man enough to handle the flirting if it happens if you really have feelings for Josie and don't want to wreck that relationship.

Rick

Posted by Pineapple Rag on 2018-05-29 11:53:44

Hi Mr. Rick

I hope you are now over your stomach virus. I had a bad cold with a touch of stress flu. That is quite surprising for me because I do not usually get stressed by exams. It knocked me back for a few days because it is hard to study when you feel like death. That is behind me now and I can hardly wait until the end of term. It is good to have a day off school for Memorial Day but that did not mean I had a day off studying. Dad made sure of that. I hope you have found something agreeable and worthwhile to do as part of your volunteer community program. It has to be right for you as much as for anybody else. It has to be something you want to do and enjoy doing. Although I am not sure how much my uncle enjoyed working at the night shelter on Christmas Day, he did it. Do you plan to get involved with something in your church? The youth leader has suggested I go on the church retreat this year to sort out some priorities. I am not sure that I am ready for that yet. He says I need to get some focus. He must think I am more religious than I am.

Change is always happening. There are no two ways about it. It is by changing things, or at least trying them that we make progress. But change and progress are not necessarily the same thing. I would think that you are an age where you are quite grumpy about things. You do not like change anyway, things change too quickly and quite frankly you prefer things the way they were. Dad is like that too. It irritates him how difficult it is to get to speak to a real person on the telephone. Once you get Dad talking about the good old days he never stops. He has a DVD he bought in England called grumpy old men and he agrees with everything they say. But it is a whole new world out there and it is up to us, people like me to make of it what we can. I once read a book called The Chrysalids where people a people thought they their image the way they were was the final image of God. Anyone who was not like them was not made by God. They resisted change and stagnated. There are people like this now. Change is not just interesting it is essential invigorating life-giving and why we get up in the morning. You retired to start a new phase of your life, what you wanted your way at your pace. You knew you had done a good job, helped a lot of guys through the tough times but thought that a change now could be good for you the clients and the system.

We use computers more and more every day at home at school at work. Using them for assignments is just the start. Being computer savvy and having some technical ability is essential in today's world. They can do more and more making life easier. But I think it is important to maintain old skills because one day a computer will let you down. One day? I think that computers are getting so clever that one day they will decide they do not need us anymore. They can run the world better without us. Think of HAL in the movie 2001- a Space Odyssey. Think of the movie Terminator. Scary, huh, but just a thought. Do you think a computer can fall in love? I thought it was interesting that you said not to lose the desire to for good clean handwriting rather than the ability. Computers are here to stay so you may as well get used to the idea. Do you know there are still the people who resist having a PC laptop tablet or notebook, satellite or cable, mobile phone or smartphone- I have not actually met anybody who refuses to have a colour television

Boys have been masters of deception for generations, at least they think they have. Thing is they forget that Dad was a boy once and knows every trick in the trade, every implausible justification or excuse every wriggle and turn a boy will try and spot every lie or half-truth. Thinking on your feet and a vivid imagination are part of being a boy. Essentially a risk taker. Ramon and Paul did not even want the apples they stole. They only wanted the excitement, the risk. Did you ever do something like that Mr. good boy Rick? I think most dads know what we are thinking before we know ourselves, and what we are doing. They know because they probably did something very similar when they were our age. Like father like son I suppose. And what dad will ask for more than that? You get away with some things and get caught at others, sometimes.

You talk a lot about punishment. A dad has a variety of jobs to do and disciplining his son is only one of them, not even the most important. My dad does all kinds of things for Josh and me like he is an older brother, but when he needs to be he is very definitely our dad. Maybe Josh and I will one day be dads. Unless the computers take over before we get there.

I think there are some things you expect for a Dad. First of all and most important you expect him to love you, and love him too. He may show this in some surprising ways but you are probably the most important thing in his life except possibly your mom. Secondly you need to be able to trust him and know he trusts you. He is a man you can rely on. Thirdly he needs to be fair. And finally here he needs to be consistent. But some dads are so much more.

Josh and I really admire our Dad. He is the sort of man we both aspire to be. We could not have a better role model. We want so badly to be as wise as strong as, as I cannot put into words what it is about him that we want it too, that something special. We do not always agree with dad. He is not always right and we do have differences. But dad does love us as we love him, we do trust him to do what he thinks is best for us he is always fair and listens to both sides and he is consistent so we know where we stand. And in that way we can resolve most issues and remain friends. And if we cannot resolve them any other way dad knows we will still respond to a sore bottom.

Ever is a very long time. Dad occasionally gives a quick slap to the seat of our pants but generally he is a bare bottom spanker. Even if I was wearing under shorts I do not think I would think that had gone easy on me. Dad says the reason we are spanked bare is not to make it hurt more. There are other reasons.

Of course I would have survived a school paddling and one might be enough to settle me down. I think boys who know they could be paddled pull fewer pranks and behave better in class. I know I would think twice. In 8th grade Charlie was spanked in front of the whole class. It was just one stroke with the blackboard compass on the seat of his shorts when the math teacher (headmaster) found him not paying attention. I think it was a wakeup call for the rest of us. You said a school paddling would have done me a world of good. Maybe seeing him spanked did us a world of good too. It sounds like you think a boy like me should have been paddled at school. And like other boys still need to feel an occasional sting on my bottom

It is good to keep old traditions alive. Especially fun ones like birthday spanking which has been an annual ritual for generations of boys. I was not exactly looking forward to it but it was only once a year. I we had not been good friends we would not have done it. It was something we all experienced and brought us closer together. The boys who helped me take my pants down had all similar experiences at home. I am not clear why you think why being spanked by my buddies did me a world of good. But I am sure I will be happy to return 17 swats to their teenage bottoms when the time comes. Josh and Paul in particular. When we were alone I gave Marcus something special to make sure he remembers his 16th birthday!

I was honest and manned-up and I hope Dad would respect that. I thought it was a more adult thing to do. He was not at all impressed by my behavior. He knew that grounding me away from weekend social plans would hurt as much as swatting my butt but without it being as embarrassing. You know, being a teenager. If I had lied and if it was detected, dad would probably have tanned me that Friday evening and still grounded me for the weekend. But I was not thinking about that. You are right. Who wants to spend a whole weekend tending a sore bottom and thinking about how stupid he was to have earned one.

I know I will enjoy my summer but I am lifeguarding at the swimming pool rather than on the beach. They would only give me a job as a junior lifeguard there. I think if I keep my mind focused on how I feel about Josie I think I will be man enough to handle any girls trying to flirt with me. I may be girl crazy but Josie is important to me, special, and I do not want to ruin my relationship with her.

I hope you are able to enjoy what you are doing. Think of me in a large hall (our gym) full of desks and 100 or more students sitting there as puzzled as I am.

Bye for now

Dennis

Posted by R.J. on 2018-06-05 16:32:34

Yes Dennis, I'm much better and thanks for asking. Sorry to hear that you had a flu setback too, but glad now better. Getting a flu at exam time is really poor timing with the need for exam preps. Stress never pays off, so stay 'kool' and do your best. I've agreed to a new program at the community center and think with it, I can contribute and it will be a good fit that I'll enjoy. Too much idle time is neither good for your age nor mine. Have been & will continue to be active volunteer at my church. That has always seemed a good fit for me. Your youth leader may see something in you that you haven't discovered in self yet. Give it some thought!!

Wow Dennis!!...do I really come across as a set in my way grumpy old man? Have never seen that in myself but maybe just as your youth leader said you may need more focus in life, maybe your words got me to focus on how others see me. I never set out to be a dad figure for my younger clients but it came across often in counseling that they saw a bit of that in me. I always saw my dad as a role model to follow & if I filled a void in a few young clients' lives & made a positive difference, I then feel I have achieved a good success. I retired because I wanted to and that I deserved more time devoted to family & my life dreams. There are plenty of young guys, many older than you now, who are capable of stepping up to take my place & the day will come too as they step-down for you & your generation to make your own mark on the world.

Dennis, I was a good boy overall. Bet you are too. Isn't that an acceptable goal to want? Boys have always risk things, probably part of the nature of being a boy. If you are saying Ramon & Paul shoplifted some apples just for kicks, then NO I never did that as a boy. Stealing is morally wrong & never excused. Putting that aside, I knew darn well my dad would skin my hide royally if ever caught stealing. Would you risk what Ramon & Paul did? If they were caught, I hope they were punished & learned a lesson from it. Don't you think your dad would deal seriously with you for stealing?

You couldn't say it any better than you did about a dad's role & responsibilities. You & Josh will likely have your day & no, I doubt computers will take away a guy's desire for love & intimacy that brings about becoming a dad. I can assure you from both the perspective of a boy and later a dad, punishing your kid is way down the list of duties you want to undertake. Your words of respect & admiration for your dad are very refreshing to hear. As good of boys that I'm sure you & Josh are, being natural boys, I'm sure you both had those moments when you risk too far or challenged your dad's (he knows he isn't always right...none of us are) wisdom/authority that you both had that need to have your skivvies or bare hide whacked & whacked good!! right??

Thought you said your school had a no CP policy? How then did your classmate, Charlie, achieve that in front of class swat for not paying attention? In front of all his mates & if 8th grade he likely was 13/14, that could be embarrassing & probably a good lesson/example to you & other mates to behave & pay attention. Only you know Dennis if your truly deserved what Charlie got & on the seat of your shorts. Do you think your mom/dad would've consented to school paddling you or Josh if asked or prefer to keep it at home as a dad/son matter?

You have a good attitude it sounds like with reference to your relationship with Josie & keep it that way. That is more being 'a man' than giving in to flirts. There may be stirrings in a guy's speedos or swim trunks as a lifeguard or even unexpectedly in your classroom skivvies/trousers, but that is natural when females are around & not even flirting. How you react & control says a lot about you & your true manhood. Stay faithful to those studies & success in those exams...soon it's summer break.

Stay in touch when you can...best wishes

Rick

Posted by Pineapple Rag on 2018-06-17 13:30:31

Hello Mr. Rick

It is a bit of a bummer being unwell, and I am glad to hear you are better. I am never ill so I was surprised to get exam flu. I do not usually get stressed. I work hard, but people say I am very laid back. I know how important it is to take breaks when revising. I think a clear head will be of more value in an exam than last minute cramming just before going in to the examination hall. Actually it is usually our gym. Staying kool is the best way. And with just a week and a half to go it really looks as summer will arrive. I mean summer break.

I think idle time is wasted time. I am pleased that you are keeping active and not retiring to your armchair and daytime TV. I am glad that you have found a role at the community center that suits you, one you know you will enjoy, where you can do a good job and where you can make a difference. You know I keep active and busy. I have just started playing tennis again. Roland Garros inspired us. Josh and I are closely matched but Dad can still usually beat either of us. I think I would have to have three hands if you want to count all the different pies I have a finger in!

How do YOU volunteer at your church? I mean, what does an active volunteer do? Lead prayers. hand out books welcome visitors clear up before/after services, edit the newsletter play music or give other support to the church leaders? If it seems a good fit you are probably in the right place.

The youth leader has talked to me about being one of the young leaders who help to run the youth groups. I know he is trying to draw me in. Maybe there is more there than I have seen. Who knows? God knows! I will have to see if I have the time. Dad keeps asking when I do my homework.

8 No Mr. Rick, you misunderstand me. I am not saying you are grumpy. Nothing you have said would make me think that. But you are probably a Grumpy Old Man. Men of a certain age that I would think includes you find many aspects of modern life irritate them. Things like the proliferation of unnecessary road signs over loud cell phone conversations or having to speak to machines and press millions of buttons just to get through to somebody on the telephone. You probably have your own pet hates, but you are not alone. Take my dad for example. All over tattoos and inappropriate body piercing irritate him. You were promised free love eternal happiness sex and drugs. And what happened? Who would not be grumpy about all of that? My dad sometimes watches an old DVD he has of a British television series of the 1980s. You hear him laughing and shouting yes I agree with that! Yes I agree with that, yes yes yes! That is what I meant. Grumpy Old Men is available on YouTube if you are not offended by the language (probably not with your career background) and can understand English accents

Obviously you would never set out to be a dad figure for your younger clients but you filled that void the lives are some of them who saw in you something they had never had and knew they wanted. If you could offer that and made a difference then you should be very happy.

Happy in your career I hope but ready for a change. Time to move on and do what you want to do, live your life dreams. That seems a good thing to do. Retired because you wanted to, on your terms. Those younger guys are probably able to become good counsellors- some probably already are- but they will have a different approach and a different outlook to the same problems you faced and the ones guys like me will face. One day it will be our turn to make our mark on our world.

Of course wanting to be a good boy, young man is an acceptable goal and admirable one. But I also wanted to have fun and sometimes it seems you could not do both. That said I think I was more of a good boy overall. And thinking some of the things I could have done I did not do anything really bad. Ever.

But boys always strive for adventure and excitement and like to risk things, because they are risky, because they are boys. That is exactly the reason why Ramon and Paul stole some apples. Just for kicks. They knew that if caught they would have no excuse. If I had been there would I have joined in? I know stealing is wrong but- there is no but. It did not stop me from sharing the apples. I know darn well my dad would skin my hide if he ever caught me stealing. It is the sort of thing you know is wrong without being told. The sort of thing you do not get a second chance or final warning about. Caught in the act do the deed and you might just as well drop your pants right away. Would I do something as risky that? Just for kicks? Yes I would. Or I would have. But I would not have done that. And still inside there is that yearning to be good. A young man rather than a little boy. And what would Josie say?

If they were not caught doing that they were surely caught doing something else. Nobody is caught and punished for everything they do. If they were caught they would be punished, and for stealing it would be a punishment to remember. I suppose that if you remember a punishment you have learnt a lesson from it.

I do not like to think about how seriously I would be punished for stealing whatever excuse I tried to cook up. I have not had the belt in ages but I know Dad still has a strong right arm and could make it really hurt. Ask Josh. He knows.

A computer may not take away a guys desire for love and intimacy and they may not be able to produce a boy or become a dad. But that does not mean that one day they will not colonize Earth and decide they can run it better without us.

There is a long list of duties a dad has to undertake and most of them are not that much fun. But they tell me the upside of having children and the good times are worth the heartache and difficulties. Maybe one day I will find that out for myself. I cannot imagine me as a dad but I cannot imagine me not one day being one. Yes, there are some duties you want to undertake and some others you have to. And let us face it. All kids need the reassurance of good discipline at home. It is important that you learn. But it is never going to be at the top of Dads list of priorities.

There are lots of good Dad's out there. Most kids will tell you that their dad is best. But there are not many who admire their dad the way I admire mine. He is not perfect but if I am half the dad he is my kids will be lucky and if I am half the man he is I will be happy. I cannot say more than that.

Josh and I are just normal boys. Most of the time we are good, or fairly good or at least not really naughty. Of course there are those moments when we take one risk too many or challenge Dads authority. That is what boys do. We have both had skivvies down punishments and know how much belt leather can hurt on bare skin. Did we need that kind of punishment? Probably. Dad thought so and whacked (whacks) us good. Good?

That is right Mr. Rick. No school in New York allows corporal punishment not even for Charlie in Middle School. But Charlie is not a class mate. He does not go to school in New York at all. He told me about getting paddled in front of his class for not paying attention. He was 13 at the time, He said it was embarrassing. I think it was probably half punishment and half an example to his class to behave and pay attention. Charlie says he did not need a second dose. 8th grade was a long time ago but in the fullness of time I probably deserved exactly what Charlie got on the seat of my shorts. But it was not going to happen. Not at school.

Mom and dad would not have agreed to a school paddling if it was a once only thing for specific misbehavior. If it was normal school policy and other parents agreed with it I am sure they would give their consent. They want our school to treat us the same as any other kids. Back home dad makes sure it is still a dad/son matter and gives you the kind of punishment he thinks you should have had at school. Josh and I have both had our pants down for that.

Josie and I have a lot to be thankful for. We have similar values and similar attitudes. For the time being we are going in the same direction and going there together. Our relationship is on a healthy basis with understanding, mutual respect and agreed boundaries. That means we are much less likely to hurt each other or have misinterpretations of what we say or do. I hope we can keep it that way. Josie means so much to me at many levels.

I suppose that if you are a man there are bound to be stirrings inside your swimming trunks at the pool and in your underwear at school. You cannot help it when pretty girls are all around, especially when neither of you is wearing very much. But that is not the same as give it into flirts. Part of our lifeguard induction is about that. I guess it is now down to me now to react appropriately. How I control it maybe a defining moment in my growing manhood (now there is a double entendre) I think my co- worker Natalie, the senior lifeguard will keep me in check. I already have a bit of a crush on her.

School is almost done. I am looking forward to the summer break

That is all for now but please stay in touch over the summer when you can.

All of the best

Dennis

Posted by R.J. on 2018-06-23 16:56:48

Hi Dennis,

Admire your philosophy on studying. Continue to stay 'kool,' relaxed, and clear head in life in general and it will probably serve you well. I enjoy staying busy, but busy doing what I enjoy and hopefully contributing still. Being idle has never been part of my life.

Over my life, I've taken on several different roles as a church volunteer, usually what was appropriate for my then current age. Currently I assist the priest at Mass and have recently also done home visits to elderly and ill who are unable to come to church so they can be part of our church community. Your homework during the school year is obviously important, so don't neglect but if your youth leader sees potential in you to lead a youth group program, give that serious thought too and you might find both you and the other youths will benefit in ways still unknown to you.

Life situations can try to excite impatience in me, like it does with everyone I assume, but I strive hard to follow that same philosophy you said you had toward your exam studies and stay 'kool' and patient without any more stress than possible. You can't work a career like I had and not try to control emotions. Your dad has you & Josh to elevate his reactions sometimes, I'm sure. As a dad, I knew those moments too in our family. Now multiply that teenage & young adult activities by a facility of guys who never had much family structure or discipline & you'll understand why I control myself.

I understand what you are saying about Ramon & Paul and the apples. Boys by nature take risks, that is understood too. Wrong action, is wrong always Dennis...no excuse!! I dealt for years with young guys, a few older ones too, who took risks and lost, so I got them for counseling and an older version of 'time-out' in a locked room or cell. I would guess Ramon, Paul or even you would rather have a dad who took down your skivvies and skinned your hide than that type of 'time out'...right?? Sounds like you are saying that Josh seems to be getting some of those belt sessions with dad that you use to get with the belt on your hide. With no siblings in my house growing up, I have no experience, but would think Josh would've learned a few things to avoid a belt hiding just witnessing dad tanning you hide when you were his age.

Being a dad is one of the best life experiences overall. I hope when the time is right, you and a wonderful young lady will know and share that joy of parenthood. My bet will be that you'll make a darn good dad, because your words tell me you've had a darn good role model growing up as to what a man, husband, dad really is.

Age 13 is a challenging period for all young people. Most of us risk that 'class clown' role in some manner and a few of us got caught and others never did or if caught, got off with a warning. Obviously Charlie needed his adolescent backside paddled or his teacher wouldn't have done it and done it as an example in the front of the class. I've told you already I was 13 and in 8th when I earned my first school paddling. At least mine was in the office rather than in front of a room of peers. The VP stung the seat of my jeans damn good that morning and the only thing that could've been worse would be if policy would've permitted him to lower my jeans for that paddling. Be grateful that NY didn't permit school to paddle spank your butt, but I recall you saying some school mischief got you a good tanning from dad when you got home and those, as with my dad, had your bottom tanned bare. Maybe a school paddling over your school shorts/trousers or jeans would've been easier to take than bare from dad???

Your words with reference to your feelings for Josie and the healthy understanding you both have toward your relationship, are admirable. Keep it that way.

Enjoy your summer break and likewise, stay in touch when you can.

Rick