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Parenting and Spanking

TO RADLEY

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-08-23 13:16:14

Hello Mr. Rick

It is always good to hear from you.

My Dad still has the ability to surprise me. I had no idea he was talking us all to New York for a week as summer treat. Usually we rent a cottage in Cornwall. We only came home- it was Monday when we left and Tuesday when we arrived back in England. I am just getting over my jet lag. It was a fantastic break and I will tell you more later.

Exam results are released on Friday. The results were good in the mocks, but these are the real thing, and the results will have a significant impact on my future. I am not that worried but it would be strange of I was not a little apprehensive, especially about some subjects. I did my best. School starts back on the first Monday in September. Not long now.

I hope I am as successful in HS under grad and graduate studies as you were. Although I am not settled on this I would like to be lawyer. I think I could do good job and I like intricate puzzles that tax my brain. They say law is like that. Especially here.

There are still guys at school doing dope. I was very tempted once or twice, but I had wise friends and the sense to listen to them. I know I do not want that dirty smoke in my lungs and I do not need that kind of high. I know my dad would not tolerate any messing with drugs by me but it is not something either of us will have to deal with.

You have good times and bad times with your family. And lucky boys get to feel the security of a good dad/son relationship. So you might get licked some but the bond remains and the good time conversations and joint projects continue. I am sure Dad looks forward to those moments more that those when he has too reprimand or punish me. Who wouldn’t??

No, it was no more embarrassing to be punished alongside Chip if we had both done something together He was by brother, my closest friend and confidant. If we were both beaten I would be in the room as he got t and he would be in the room as it got it. Apart from that he did not usually witness me getting my hide beaten. I never took a beating he should have had just to save him but I did take one for the team owning up on the basis there was no point in us both getting late if a little imagination and creativity could keep one of us out of trouble. So I took older brother responsibility.

Mostly I chose my own friends and some were better friends than others. I do not think my parents have ever said there was someone I could not hang out with. Some they have said are a good influence and others... Others I get into trouble with. But I have heard them say, especially mum, after I split up with another guy well, I never liked him anyway. But the crowd I am out with are good guys with high standards who will make much of their lives. If I can hang with them I will do well. But I could so easily have gone the other way the first time I was offered cannabis. After saying no once it was easier to say no again.

I think I understand what you are saying about religion, how I have to find it for myself. But so far I have not found that extra something that people like you seem to have. I did not have a need are any brother other than Chip and he is a younger brother which is different. Chip and I see each other through the toughest times. I do not have that certainty about God. Do you take it on trust?

Fishing is very therapeutic- jus' you and the little nippers. I like to catch something I can cook for breakfast. But even if I do not catch anything I have had solace and if I'm lucky solitude in that big wide world. I can watch the birds and hear them too, sometimes see a deer or a rabbit or a cow, watch a farmer across the valley harvesting crops or stacking hay. And I just cast and reel in, cast and reel in, cast and reel in, and WHAM! Just missed him.

Summer has been good to me especially our trip to New York. It was a complete surprise and something I never expected. We saw the sights of course but Dad had some special places he wanted to show us including his Alma mater and the church where he and mum got married and a few places somewhere quieter than the main tourist honey traps and the biggest shops (although we did look in Macy's the day we went up the Empire State Building. The three things I like the best were probably the circle line tour which sails around Manhattan, the view from the top of the Rock and Central Park but there were many other highlights. So much to cram into one week. We will have to go again! :-)

I am glad that you are able to make the most of the opportunities you have for travel, it is always comforting to come home and sleep in your own bed again.

GCSE results came in a day earlier than I was expecting but that made sure I was at school on time to collect them. I was pleased with the results.

School is looming. As A level students we are treated differently but we do have additional responsibilities.

The delectable girl and I have some oo la la time to catch upon. I can hardly wait. Oo la la!

Hope you enjoy your weekend. All the best

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2018-08-31 15:57:00

Radley, what a wonderful surprise vacation trip for you, Chip and family. Your dad certainly seems a great guy with and for his family. Please do share later more on your trip if you want. Been awhile since I traveled on business or pleasure to NY but I do recall enjoying many of those sights.

I'm sure the exams will show good results. If you did your best, that is all one can ask and expect. That was always what my parents told me...do your best. I'm sure summer break was great but guess you & Chip are eager to get back to school next week. Wishing you the best in this new academic year. A career in law I would think would be a great choice. Thought of law school myself, but later changed my mind.

There were temptations to try marijuana in my school days too. Like you, I had wise friends & hung with them & left the dope-heads to themselves to do their thing. My dad would've had zero-tolerance too. I recall at age 11 in the summer prior to starting 7th (junior high) my neighbor buddy & I tried cigarettes he had swiped from his dad's pack. We were caught by his mom out behind their garage. He got sent to the house & his room & I was sent home & my folks called. Mom grounded me to await dad getting home. Both parents were upset with me & disappointed I would smoke. Talked the health issue of smoking just like you mentioned. It was by far not the worst butt spanking I ever got, but apparently because John's mom had told my mom he would be spanked, dad felt obligated to put the paddle to the seat of my briefs. I never took up smoking as a habit & better off for that in life.

I guess as brothers, close ones at that as you say, the embarrassment wouldn't be there when both guilty & punished together. As an "only" that was not part of my growing up. Dad never punished me in front of a friend & for that I was grateful. I was at a friend's house several times when he or a sibling got spanked...see it happen or hear the pleas and yelps come behind a closed door. I knew that embarrassed them with me there, but just a fact of life for a boy back then...we all got spanked at times.

Choosing your friends and choosing good ones is always important. I suspect if your parents had known a significant bad influence in a friend they likely would've intervened because good parenting would require that. Even good friends with a good track record are still boys & boys sometimes do get into trouble together. You said, you & Chip had been punished together, but that ever happen to you & a friend?

I don't know if you call it 'on trust' Radley, but maybe on faith that was just a part of my parent's upbringing from as young as I can recall. It was important to them & they taught me to have the same importance in my life. I'm obviously older than you & I had moments as I grew up to have 'doubts of faith' but those never derailed me. I just say to you, keep an open mind on religion & it may grow and age as you grow & age.

Traveling has been a great experience in my life. Gave me a more global outlook at different cultures & traditions. Had a few family trips growing up but they were all domestic in nature & between dad's work schedule & not a big 'trip budget' they were modest trips. As an adult I traveled more in pleasure & for work and some were on the international scene. Retirement will permit even more now as the notion comes to mind for my wife & I. Cherish those memories of NY & be grateful to your parents. You are correct too, coming home to a familiar & comfortable bed is always good too.

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-09-04 15:46:50

Hi Mr Rick

This is a message I sent to JB about my NY trip, but I though you might be interested you might be interested too.

Better exam results than I was expecting. Mostly 8, two 9 (top grade) and a 7. I will write again soon

I am getting ready for school now but first I would like to share with you some of my fantastic New York vacation made all the more exciting for having been totally unexpected. I did not know my dad and mum were that good at keeping a secret.

TOP TEN

The Circle Line boat trip takes you right round Manhattan Island. You see many of the sights from New York Harbour, pass under numerous bridges in the east river and Harlem river sail down the Hudson and up to but not on to Liberty Island. And if you know how you can take your photographs without the heads of 100 million other passengers. If you only had time to do one thing in New York it would have to be this.

The Top of the Rock is situated in Rockefeller Plaza. I think it is quite expensive but when you find it it provides unrivalled views of New York. You can see a few buildings in the way but you can clearly see great views of the Hudson River the East river Central Park and Empire State Building. In the distance you can see the Statue of Liberty Brooklyn and across to Staten Island and of course New Jersey. The views from here are better than the ones from the Empire State Building

The Statue of Liberty trip is well worthwhile and you will get the best pictures of the Statue of Liberty from the boat/ferry. There is a lift to the top of the plinth but if you want to climb to the top of the statue you have to climb a lot of steps and frankly views from there are no better and you are staring at them through thick glass. We looked up through the statue. It is from this island that you will get the best view of the famous New York skyline. Dad dropped his camera here, and Chips cap blew away

Times Square should not be missed. It is very crowded but also quite exciting with everything happening. Dad wanted to show us the only statue there which is of one man who more than anyone else was responsible for the Broadway musical although not many people now remember George M Cohan the original Yankee Doodle Dandy. Times Square is nothing if not electrifying. I think most of the people were tourists

I have rated Central Park 5 and 6 because it is so special and so diverse. There are quiet spots and busy ones narrow pathways and wide tracks. Most of the park is closed to motorised traffic but that is more than made up for by the number of bicycles. There are rocky outcrops, baseball diamonds, tennis courts, ice skating in winter swimming pools Lakes and the huge Jacqueline Onassis Reservoir quiet squares noisy ones, street artists street markets places you have heard of like John Lennon’s Strawberry Fields and ones you may not have heard of like turtle pond. Round every corner there is something new. It is amazing how there can be a park like this surrounded by those famous sky scraping buildings in the heart of the busiest city in the world.

The Empire State Building is worth a trip. It is higher than the top of the rock but although you could see forever as a family we did not think the views matched those from the top of the rock. One advantage here is that you do not have to book.

Washington Square is home to most of the New York University campus. NYU is Dads Alma mater. The highlights are a statue of the Italian general and nationalist Garibaldi who is said to turn his head every time a virgin passes by, and the iconic Washington Square Arch at the bottom of famous Fifth Avenue. Even as an alumnus Dad could not take it into many of the university buildings but we were welcome at the alumni office and what is still known as the university bookstore. The fountains are is a good place for watching the world pass by (and it does. You would be amazed), but a few too many drug sellers for my liking. And even with Chip and me Garibaldi did not turn his head!

In most cities a bridge like the Brooklyn Bridge would have been at the top of everyone's must see list. Some of the best views of Manhattan are taken from this Bridge the traffic thunders below but there is a pedestrian walkway with small stores selling trinkets and souvenirs, police officers happy to interact and pose for photographs and good views into Brooklyn down into New York harbour and up the east river. Of course once we had crossed the river we were in Brooklyn but it was no big deal. All we wanted to do was to get back. Brooklyn Bridge was once one of the longest bridges in the world and walking across it felt like it. We did bot want to walk back. If you ever go to New York be sure to visit Brooklyn Bridge. You will not be disappointed

The Verrazano Narrows are the well protected entrance to New York Harbour. For many years the only crossing was by ferry. But now there is a very long bridge which I wanted to view. It is quite difficult to be close enough to see it what it is and to be far enough away to appreciate it. We found the best view was from Brooklyn but downriver from the Bridge rather than the more usual from up river. Chip was naughty here and was told that if this had been at home he would have been spanked there and then and he would be spanked back at the hotel. It is the only time either of us has been promised a spanking that we have not then had but it gave him something to think about all afternoon. Dad still bought both of us an ice cream.

We did not know you could drive up the cloisters until we had climbed a long steep path up the other side. We had a map but it did not show elevation. We climbed up there to view the Washington Bridge but even when we got there we could not see much. We did not really allow time to visit the cloisters but we knew it was somewhere we wanted to go. Maybe we will see more of this Bridge from the top. Next time we will take a taxi.

Macy's is the biggest shop in the world, and about the easiest to get lost in. All dad wanted to do was to buy branded clothing at a fraction of what he would have to pay the time. He spent most of the time in the Ralph Lauren shop. We wandered around in a bit of a daze and ended up in the coffee shop. Neither Chip nor I could afford anything even at the heavily discounted prices. I know Chip really wanted Calvin Klein underwear and he blushed when dad said who is going to see it apart from you and your girlfriend!

Dad says Yankee Stadium is the most famous sports stadium in the world. It is quite impressive from the outside and quite unbelievable inside. Although this is a new stadium Yankees and Yankee Stadium have a long and illustrious history. We thought we were going to see a game but when dad told us the cost of the seata we thought we would rather watch Manchester United (chips team) or Tottenham Hotspur (mine) back at home. Dad watches baseball on television and says you miss the atmosphere but get a better view.

BOTTOM FIVE

The NY Subway is diabolical which is why I have put it in my bottom 5 twice. It is dirty difficult to navigate and at times difficult to access. The worst time was Sunday afternoon when trains only ran every half hour. Perhaps it was our own fault for going up town when we meant to go downtown- but we had to go down town to be able to transfer to an uptown train on the right line. I cannot think of anything good to say about the subway. That said it is an unforgettable experience and when we had trouble New Yorkers could not do enough to help. But it needs to be experienced to be understood.

NY subway As above

Coney Island on a Saturday afternoon is not a place I will ever want to go to again. We saw the famous funfair but we could not get anywhere near the beach. There was nowhere we could have left the car- yes we had a car that day. It was like the worst of Blackpool only 100 times worse. Only Americans could do that. It took is forever to find a way home, I mean back to the hotel.

No one goes to New York for the weather. If you can you go away for the summer. Temperatures are usually in the high 80s or low 90s but it can get much hotter than that. And if you factor in the humidity at 80-95% it is quite unpleasant, and it does not cool off much at night. Unless you have AC you can hardly breathe let alone sleep. It does not even cool off much in the thunderstorms and there are far too many of those. You can get quickly soaked but with the rain is not cold the way it is in England. It is like having a shower. If there is no rain you sometimes find dust whistling down the long straight avenues and hitting you in the face. Sometimes the rain is horizontal too.

NY Immigration has a bad and well deserved a reputation. At JFK airport it was total chaos. There was (they said) a system but nobody understood how it worked. We had to wait an age to see an immigration official- one group before us were with him for at least half an hour- and when we did get there he was grumpy and not very helpful well not helpful at all. It took us so long to get through immigration our bags and been taken off the carousel in the baggage hall and another planes baggage was arriving!

NEXT TIME...?

One trip to NY is never enough. I will have to go back.

Well, that is where my guidebook ends. School come next.

Radley

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-09-10 13:33:40

Hi Mr. Rick

I hope you have had the time to read my New York guide book. It was a fantastic and memorable holiday. Dad said everyone remembers their first trip to New York. I know I will remember mine. Although we did not know it mum and Dad had been planning this trip for months. Even when Chip and I were told to make sure our passports were in date and we did not catch on until Dad told us to apply for visa exemption and that we would not be going to Cornwall this summer. Dad teased us though. I have got some bad news you two boys. We are not going to Cornwall this year. Long pause. We tried to hide our disappointment. We could scarcely believe it when he told us that as an alternative we were going to New York. This was beyond our wildest, maybe not beyond our wildest dreams but certainly beyond our wildest expectations.

Although I got confused about the day GCSE result were released dad made sure I went to school on the right day. The results were very good for me and showed how hard I had worked this year. Dad especially did not make the New York trip a reward for exam success but a treat for the family for all of us.

I am not sure how eager Chip was to go back to school but I still had plenty of other things I wanted to do that will have to wait. Right now he is inconsolable. His girlfriend says she never wants to speak to him it again but I think it will blow over. My tutor says that if I do well this year there is no reason why I should not apply to do a law degree. There is a lot of competition but that is not a reason not to apply. Somebody has to get it. Why should that someone not be me? Although I am still following the PSE course called relationships which is compulsory in my school my studies are focused or history politics and economics with a few electives thrown in here and there. I am doing a project on China and learning Mandarin. Dad says that is where the future is and that even if I do not become a lawyer a law degree will open doors to me.

The temptation to try marijuana was almost irresistible. But I was lucky enough to have friends to lead me in a different direction. I know I would be in the serious trouble if my dad found I was doing drugs, even if it was only marijuana. Only marijuana? I heard it is legal in some States. But not in England. I do not fully understand the American grade system but I would have thought that if you were going into 7th grade you would have been 12 rather than 11. Did you skip a year or was it different where you were growing up? That said I think that if I had been caught smoking at 11 or 12 by the time my dad was done I think my bottom would be smoking. I only tried cigarettes once or twice and I did not like them and we were not caught. I have never wanted to smoke again. If I had I think disappointment would have followed punishment. I knew the score and it was not an outcome I relished. Spanking does not need to be that serious and in our house it remains an option but one that is rarely used. Chip and I are close and it has never embarrassed us being spanked together or being spanked on our own. Not if it is just Chip and me. It is more embarrassing for you and a friend if you are there when he is spanked or he is there when you are.

Choosing your friends and choosing the right ones is always important but it is seldom as easy as that. Sometimes you like a guy even though you know he is not good for you. That is more difficult but if my parents knew a friend was a significant bad influence they would intervene. That is good parenting. You cannot expect boys even good ones to be good all the time. But I have never been told I cannot play with someone. And yes there is still some spanking around. Chip and I have both been spanked together. My uncle paddled me once when mum had had enough and dad was away but I have never been paddled by a friend's dad. I think Mr. Robinson very nearly did. In our community you get sent home and it is up to your parents how you are punished. Our parents believe that discipline begins and ends at home. So it does.

It must be very reassuring to have a faith like that, learnt as you were growing up. Apart from weddings my parents church going is limited to Christmas and Easter. Sunday mornings are when dad washes the car, or lets Chip and me earn some pocket money by doing it for him. So religion has only ever been on the periphery of our lives. I know that having a faith helps some people do extraordinary things but I also know people who do extraordinary things without having that faith. Mr. Preston who teaches at my school says it is not about people doing extraordinary things - there is more to it than that. So for me the jury is out. But Mr. Rick the jury IS out and I will keep an open mind. Maybe one day something will change for me.

Travelling can be the greatest thing and for everyone a lot of fun.

Space, the final frontier These are the voyagers of the Starship Enterprise Its five years mission To explore strange new worlds To seek out new life And new civilizations To boldly go where no man has gone before

Some holidays can be a bit like that. As my dad always says travel broadens the mind as you explore strange new worlds new cultures and civilizations. I would love to be able to travel. I hope the trip to New York is only the start. There is something special about home. Returning to the familiar, the comfortable the safe, sleeping in your own bed with your own things around you. If you saw my room you would surely agree there is no place like home!

I can almost hear the seductive sirens calling from New York. Come to me bend to me Radley. You know you want to do it

I hope to hear from you. Soon

All the best

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2018-09-15 20:38:45

Radley, yes I read your travelogue and the trip sounded marvelous and you wrote in so well, I could almost imagine I was there with you. You and family certainly packed a great deal of sightseeing in just a week. What a delightful prankster your dad turned out to be pulling this NY trip off so smooth that neither you nor Chip realized it.

Am glad to hear your exam results went so well. A congratulations and email pat on the back to you for that achievement. What a blow to Chip with regards to his gf. Girls I recall do things like that to guys & it hurts. Maybe you are right in that it all with blow over and they get back together. Certainly you should try for your law degree. That is a good profession and dad is right that it opens potential doors. Maybe dad would like to see you apply at his alma mater--NYU???

Drugs not only could breed trouble with your parents, but caught and if on your record, it could damage acceptance in law school. Marijuana is legal in several states now for medical purposes and a few states say for recreational use too. I was tempted by peers in the 60s too but didn't give in. Another kudo to you for not giving in to the temptation you faced. I never took up smoking habit either and glad of it. I do admit I had a pipe in my college dorm & smoked it occasionally, thinking that was 'kool' as a college guy. Smoked an occasional gift cigar too when given me by a friend who had become a new dad. I think that 'new dad' tradition has died off some now. I was to turn 12 soon after that smoking incident in the summer between 6th & entering 7th grade middle school. My parents were both disappointed over me being caught in the alleyway behind my friend's house smoking. I think dad paddle spanked my butt because John's mom had told my mom he was getting spanked. It was one of the few times my dad kept my briefs on when he paddled me, so it still hurt enough but not as bad as some spankings I had gotten. I think my friend John might've felt his dad had his bottom 'smoking' from the belt whipping he got. My dad was great about keeping my spankings private. The first time I got it in front of a friend was my first school paddling and in a way it helped me get through it having my buddy, Rob, there too & getting his bottom paddle tanned also. Were you ever unfortunate enough to have your bottom spanked with a friend present? Watch a friend get it?

Was that a big shock/surprise to have your mom ask your uncle to paddle you? I had several uncles but they left spankings to my dad to handle. Did you uncle punish similar to your dad...even require pants lowered...or go easier on you as an uncle? I think I would've died of embarrassment had my school principal told either Rob or me to lower our jeans to get the paddling we had coming. I think all boys get a bit frisky at times and that is just part of being a boy growing up & parents expect.

Radley, it isn't my place or intent to talk faith. My parents introduced it when I was young and as with many things, I modeled my life after them. I think people can do extraordinary things just because that is their nature to do. Faith may help and can motivate them however. I've known people who are really good but non-churched; I've known church-goers who pray & sing at church and then leave the church door and are gossips and mean-spirited the next 6 days.

Traveling can be and is fun. Doing it with family or good friends I think is even better because you share that experience. It does expand our global mind and expose us to different cultures. We weren't rich enough to travel extensively when I was a boy, but I did get exposed to some nice trips with my parents. It was as an adult and with my career and also taking family, that I did bigger traveling and first experienced other countries of the world. You're young enough still and your days for traveling will come. Again think about NYU since your dad attended college there you said. Maybe that is the 'siren call' you are hearing. Around 18 and college, is a good time for a lad to spread his wings & leave the home nest. College dorm life for me was great and I still knew I had a room at home & loving parents waiting to greet me whenever I got a bit homesick for the old nest and came back home to visit.

Stay in touch, but primary attention to your studies. Have a great school year.

Rick