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Parenting and Spanking

TO RADLEY

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-05-01 13:55:31

Hi Rick

I think you are only as old as you feel although some people who are not that old in years have outdated attitudes and outlooks, dress in clothes that might have suited their parents 30 years ago and are in denial about technology. Things change and you have to change too, holding on to what is good, what has served you well, but embracing new ideas where things have not been so good. I sometimes find it hard to imagine how people lived when my parents and grandparents were young. Black and white TV, no home computers, no smart TVs, no smartphones no emails or social media, no internet or World Wide Web, no this, no that.

It must be quite an awesome responsibility and perhaps a privilege for you to know that some of your young clients are looking to you to be a surrogate for that dad, the kind of dad they never had.

Dad is not always right but he is right for more often than he is wrong. He does what he can for Mum Chip and me. There is always food on the table and we do not miss out the things our friends have. We are not extravagant but Mum and Dad make sure we have nice things too, and good times. As I grow older I can see more of what a dad has to do. If you knew my dad you would know why I think the world of him.

Being a dad is probably not the easiest job in the world and sometimes you do need to make difficult decisions regarding your son or daughter. Dad's job is not just about discipline but if what you say is true that may be the part that tugs at his heart. Dad knew and still knows that there were times he needs/needed to correct me or Chip. However much it might hurt him, and I do not know about that I know there was love and caring. One of us had a sore butt as a result but maybe dad was hurting too hating himself for having to punish us that way, but being man enough to do it.

Well, I CAN just about IMAGINE having to stand before a judge, but so far it has never gone as far as that. I was arrested that one time, but it was something neither Dad nor I had ever thought that is would ever happen to me. I kind of guessed what kind of punishment awaited me at home. Dad made me take down my jeans and boxers before getting to work on my bottom. He gave me enough to remember but not so much it would scar me forever. It was some days before sitting was comfortable. I wonder if I would have felt any better if the police had dealt with me the way they dealt with your dorm mate. Of course, things have changed and cops would be unlikely to that now anyway. It was no picnic being taken to and collected the police station. Swearing at the Officer was probably not a good idea. The others got into trouble at home too. They were grounded forever but not beaten.

The slipper could sting properly, and I knew I had been punished but it was as nothing compared to the belt. That hurt so much. Belt leather to boys bare bottom was hell. But it least it was bottom, and even bare was still better than being hit anywhere else. I bet you were more scared of your Dad spanking an already sore bottom than of the Principal giving you a dose of the paddle across the seat of your trousers. And I bet the first time at least your Dad made sure you were properly crying even if you were 13.

We played strip games and spank games among friends because they were fun. Everyone had a turn both giving and taking swats, and heck, ou did not really want to hurt your friend. You knew next time he could be spanking you. But most of all it was because he is your friend. Yes our specially adapted table tennis bat could impact an extra special sting. Sometimes we got a little bit frisky. Frisky boys take bigger risks but for bigger rewards. We would sometimes up the ante too.

It was quite exciting swapping clothes with friends. As young boys we all wore white briefs too although as we grew up some boys changed. I like trunks but my brother Chip is still wearing hand me down y-fronts. And he is not too happy about that, I can tell you. He complains that he is the only boy in his class still wearing white briefs. It is hard being a little brother. You are right. We did not only swap our underclothes. If a game went that way you end up with all his clothes- underwear jeans t-shirt sweats and shorts, and he would be wearing yours. It felt sexy pulling on his still warm underwear but by the time his parents got home you would want to have your own outer clothes on even if you were still wearing his underpants. Yes, Gabsy and I could always wear each others clothes. We were similar in size and stature.

Some days in summer we pulled on our jeans or shorts without bothering with underwear. We felt kind of daring and it seemed a little bit risky. But it did not matter because it was sell them warm enough first event to take off our jeans or shorts as well

So much has changed but how boys have fun does not seem to have changed that much. Your generation is different from mine but many of our experiences seem to be similar. I will say it again. Boys will be boys. You cannot change that. And some things never change. They are part of our primeval programming.

No wonder the delectable girl turns me on at every level

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2018-05-06 16:57:27

Hi Radley,

Just getting over a virus, so been slow getting to emails and activities this week. I've never felt old and hope I never came across that way with others. Having young people in my career, as co-workers and clients, may have helped in staying young outlook. Sharing your thoughts Radley, give me young perspective too. Sure, we didn't have all the technology now available, but we had a good life in our times too. After breakfast on non-school days, mom put us out of the house to play & we stayed active rather than a TV or computer to train us. Being that 'surrogate dad' was a responsibility and in a way an honor. It's an privilege to be a dad & pass on things to a new generation & hopefully make their lives better. When a son speaks highly of his dad, as you have, it gives that dad a 'glow' inside that makes any sacrifice for family worthwhile. You'll find out some day.

I hope that image of facing a judge in a court of law always remains just a mental image & not a reality for either you or Chip. If you did wrong, then the police did right in detaining you long enough to be released to your dad. Better dad to lower them jeans and boxers to deliver a lesson than detained in a youth center facility. A boy can recover better from a sore tanned butt than that type of youth record. Do you think your buddies got off easier/better at home being grounded? Did they react when they found out your dad had busted your bare butt?

That first school paddling was an eye-opener. Scared a bit when I initially saw the paddle & heard we had 'licks' coming but inside I knew we both deserved the swats we were getting. Facing my folks that evening was very tough. I had let them down as well as myself and yes, the belt stripes on an already tender bottom brought on tears but some of that was guilt relief too. Did your dad ever use a table tennis paddle with you or Chip for discipline or was that only with friends and game swats? Did your dad keep a spanking paddle hanging or tucked away for use or he prefer the belt instead? I never was required, that I recall, to fetch the paddle from our utility closet, but when seen in dad's hand, I knew my lucky option would be over briefs, but usual option would be whacks on a bare bottom.

I'm sure all young guys go through that phase of wanting to go commando under their cut-offs/shorts or jeans in warm weather. Chip will survive the white briefs, but it is an ego-bruiser if you notice other guys, especially friends, in boxers/trunks in the locker room and you're in briefs. My folks understood that dilemma my freshman year of HS and mom took me to shop for boxers. Boys will be boys as you stated and that is why our dad and granddad understand us so well and what we do...they did it too at our age. Somethings need to get punished and other things might get a stern look but later in private dad chuckles to himself...my son is just like me at that age!!

A delectable girl is just another way that boys haven't changed over generations. How does a boy like you or Chip come into existence if some delectable girl, that we call 'mom,' didn't have that turn-on ability. Just remember, that sign of a maturing young man is to know when & how to turn-off the turn-on when necessary.

Enjoyed hearing from you. Take care...

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-05-27 12:56:12

Hello Rick

I hope you are feeling better. I am taking a break from my revision for today for a bit of er er recreation. I have an extra day tomorrow because it is a public holiday. I guess if you work with and among young people you maintain a youthful outlook. In your career that mix of youthful outlook training and experience made you a pretty awesome counsellor. I do not think age is a number but an attitude. I have heard people say you are only as old as you feel. When I was 10 I could not imagine living until I was 40. It seemed so old. And however you feel I am sure some of those young clients of yours thought the same. That is if they thought about you at all.

Conversely I do not feel young although I know I am, and particularly in the eyes of someone like you, in that you are much older than I am. Whilst we use and appreciate technology now available to us we got on stage where we realised was more adventure outside then there is ever going to be the toy. Of course with virtual reality and all that toys can be exciting, but it so is finding a snake skin in the grass, seeing young chicks feeding and then making their first flight watching a salmon leap up in the air, sleeping out in a shelter you have built yourself going ape and following a rope trail and the zip wire through the trees or abseiling down a cliff. We have a good life in our times too even when there is not much money to spare. There are house rules about TV and computer time. But today I am helping with the barbecue and later on with some work on a tree in our back garden. Dad is good in that way and when we are working together it gives me quality dad time on my own and that has always got to be good. Good for both of us. And I hope it does give him that inner glow, reassure him that the sacrifices he makes for us, all of us are worthwhile. I think more often I turn his hair grey! Taking on a surrogate Dad responsibility must be a huge challenge but I suppose if it helps even one boy change the direction of his life it has to be worth it. An honour for sure.

You hope that image of facing a judge in a court of law always remains just an image for us and so to Chip and I. Maybe the officer was right to arrest us and only release us to our dads. They knew we would be sufficiently punished at home. I am sure you are right. A good sized hiding on my bare skin was better than being delivered through a session detained in a young offenders facility. Yes, better to go on without that type of youth record. I do not think my mates got off any easier or worse by being grounded. It was a different kind of punishments. I am not sure what they thought. I wonder if they thought they would have preferred what I got. I wonder if given the choice they would have as much courage.

I can only imagine how you felt when it finally dawned on you that you really were going to receive your first school paddling. I do not think knowing you deserved it made it hurt any less. How long did it take for you to remember your dad's promise? And did you have any doubt that he would deliver on it? I bet you were scared a bit even though it would be over your trousers. You must have been succoured though in the knowledge that other boys you knew had been paddled and come through it. It was going to hurt but not too much and you would come through it too. Were there still red marks on your bottom when you went to school the next day? In England that could get your dad into trouble. You get to stage when you realise that your behaviour is letting you down which is bad enough but it lets your parents down too and that is worse. That can surely bring tears to your eyes as quickly as the pain on your bottom. In my case it was seldom guilt relief. I was usually too het up by then to feel guilty. That came later, usually when Dad came to talk to me as he always did. He knew I needed support then, and he knew he was the person best placed to give it to me. By the time he left the instance is forgotten and the slate wiped clean.

For a while the table tennis paddle was Dad's favoured choice for disciplining me and Chip. It was a different ball game (pun intended) when dad used it rather than our friends. Yeouch!! I remember it well. This one had no padding. Dad used that until we were 13, about 13. After that we got the belt. No dad I know keeps a spanking paddle around the house. We have a lucky option too, to get it over our briefs or boxers. But no boy can be that lucky very often and the usual option was, even is whacks on a bare bottom.

No one said anything but you knew that like you none of your mates had anything on under his shorts. You would not do it at school of course, but then nobody wore shorts for school. Sometimes we played games where shorts came off, well actually everything came off but it was usually too cold outside and too dangerous at home. But even more usually it never occurred to us to play that sort of game and through the day we almost forgot we were not wearing any underwear. I wonder why we wanted to go commando. Maybe it was just the name, the idea of being a commando.

Chip is still wearing hand me down white briefs but Mum has promised him he can choose his own underwear when we go back to school in September. I think he will choose boxers. I call them grandpa pants but it is what most of his friends wear. I know he would like to wear designer brands but I doubt if mum is going to pay for Calvin Klein Hugo Boss or anything like that. We always had the cheapest briefs. And Chip is still wearing them

Boys will always be boys and very little changes. You may think you have some smart new prank or clever stunt or that you can outsmart your dad but you can be sure that your dad knows just what you are doing because chances are he did something similar when he was your age. Probably your grandfather too, and...

Even if you need to get punished sometimes other times you might just get a stern look. But either way dad is thinking my son is just like me at that age. He might not like what you have just done but he is still mighty proud of you. Which is just as well and as he should be. MY son. MY boy.

Now about the delectable girl. You can read what I said about her to JB. You are of course right. It is another way that boys have not changed over generations. Girls have always been able to turn on boys, until they are tingling on the outside and red hot on the inside just aching to, yes dad experienced it too. I never thought of this before but Mum must have been some delectable girl who turned my dad's eyes and heart, and knew how to really turn him on. Or where would Chip and I be? Yes, I guess mum is a pretty delectable girl

I hope I know enough to know when and how to turn-off the turn-on when necessary.

I am in trouble now because dad thinks I have not done enough study. I know I will be punished because Dad told me I was getting near the line a week ago. He can hardly ground me because I already supposed to be spending every waking hour if I sit for my exams. So dad may resort to the old fashioned way. Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be at 16? To be punished like a 12 year old. I hope he does not do that.

We had the mother of all storms last night with thunder and lightning and torrential rain, an estimated 20000 lightning bolts overnight and as spectacular sky as you could have wanted. I hope when dad punishes me it is not as spectacular as that.

Until next time (probably not until mid to late June. It is exam season and I have got to get through my GCSEs this year)

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2018-06-03 19:34:43

Yes Radley, I do feel better. Thanks for asking. Working with young clients was a benefit probably for me. Realized how they were thinking and was able to incorporate that into my more 'old fashion' counseling thoughts. I've never felt old. As a kid, maybe being an only child, I would think of myself as older, but not old.

I have no problem with this new tech generation. It's great. Do believe, as you have said, there needs to be a blending of outdoor activities as well as sitting at a computer or TV and other tech devices. That makes for both a healthy mind & body. Helping your dad with projects is a wonderful bonding opportunity. I never set out to be a surrogate dad for clients, it just seemed to happen with some young guys who were starved for that dad/son bonding relationship. Toward the end of my career, it became more like granddad/grandson with some. It was an honor & something they needed.

Radley, that was exactly what you needed and your dad probably knew it. Obviously, you survived that hiding and with a sore bottom, had time to think about what you had done. How did Chip react to dad giving your bare hide a tanning? Think Chip learned anything from it? I would guess some of your mates might have envied the fact your punishment needed sooner than the prolonged period they were grounded. Was there any feelings on your part that you would've preferred to be grounded instead?

Somewhere between shocked & scared that first time I realized I had earned a school paddling. Other guys had gotten paddle spanked at school and came out OK other than short-term sore butt. Saw my mate go first and the grimace on his face told me it was going to be painful despite we both were wearing jeans. The principal made sure he swatted a couple below the pockets so that sit-spot region with only a single layer of denim over briefs would sting good. I remembered my dad's promise and Robbie said the same as we left the office for class that his dad would likely tan his butt too. We were sore the rest of the day & when dad's belt whipped me bare, it hurt like hell on an already tender bottom, but better by the next day. I needed what I got.

My dad made his own out of scrap wood to use on me when I was about 9. He put a few drilled holes in it too to enhance the sting, be it over briefs a few times or bare. The belt was introduced for me too around 13 as a teenager & those always were bare hide. A paddling/whipping was always private & once over, issue was dropped & I had a clean slate to move forward.

I think some guys still wore briefs into our HS days but most of us converted to boxer shorts by then. Either were OK under trousers/jeans but when wearing Bermuda or cut-off shorts, guys usually put on briefs. It was hardly a secret what a guy wore since we all changed in the locker room for pe. Sure, our dad/granddad did similar & that is why we likely got caught. To hear dad talk, his punishment was worse, because he & his brothers were to the basement where granddad hung a strap to use bare hide.

Your studies for the exams are important, so please don't neglect that. I understand & want your studies to be primary to any email replies. I can tell you from experience, it was embarrassing at 16 when dad had me bare hide & face down on my bed for my last real a$$ whipping. I knew I deserved it and regret my mouthing off the moment I knew dad had overheard. Was really out of character for me & at 16, I darn well better than what came from my mouth. That evening dad put leather to my hide like never before, but even then it wasn't abusive but age appropriate at 16. I hope your dad spared your hide that nature of punishment. Hard to sit & study with a sore butt!!

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-06-13 13:41:43

Hi Rick

Being ill can really set you back. Even once you stop feeling like death it can take a long it time to finally shake it off and feel like yourself again.

Working with young people probably kept you focused with their thought processes. This allowed you to blend the best of new ideas with the best you knew and trusted, to deliver the best outcomes. But Mr. Rick foes a spell in a YDC ever REALLY change someone? Can they rebuild fractured lives? Do many come back, or move on to adult prisons? Probably even since you retired there are new protocols and practices, new regulations and guidelines as your former colleagues try as you did to do the best they can for those young men. What age group were you mostly involved with.

The last time I thought I was old I was maybe 6 or 7. I used to carry a bunch of obsolete keys round because I thought it made me look older. At High School you are as old as you are because your grade is usually determined by your age. A lot of kids like to inflate their age. I think if I was a year or two older i would be able to do all the things adults do. Old? Old is largely a state of mind. I would have thought that as an only you would have been LESS concerned with older. Ask my brother Chip what older means to him He will say older brother.

I have no problem with this new tech generation. It is great when it works. Technology is prone to breakdown and when it does everything comes to a standstill. Although it happened before I was born dad told me about a millennium bug when everyone thought the world might end. So best not to forget how you used to do things.

Ethan was sitting in the yard playing on his game boy. My cousin is filming for a series called Back Door Jungle. I think there is much adventure out there, real life adventure. Do you remember growing up? You probably made your own fun, your own adventures. Grandpa likes me to stay. Then he can pretend being 16 all over again. But they do say variety is the spice of life. We have all met obsessives geeks anoraks and nerds. There is no one way. Grandpa wants to take me caving.

Helping your dad with projects can be a wonderful bonding experience. But it can also be a very stressful one. I see any time we work together as quality time as opposed to when I just hand him the tools or hold the ladder. I do like helping dad with jobs, in the yard or in his workshop. We are more like friends. And he lets me do a few things- as long as your mother does not find out!

I understand that you never set out to be a surrogate dad but for some young guys you were probably the closest they would ever get to a dad son relationship. It was something they needed but I wonder if these days authorities would say it was inappropriate relationship. I am sure it was not of your making. Mass hysteria, over reaction and irrational fear mean that many good ideas hit the dust without being tried. Of course guys need protection, but I am sure there are plenty of safeguards to protect both you and the clients in the corrections system,

Every time I am punished somebody says you needed that Radley, or you deserved it or it did you the world of good. But I am not so sure that at my age something else might not be just as effective. I do not think humiliation is Dads intent. But maybe this time, that was exactly what I needed. My Dad usually gets that sort of thing right. You get over a hiding and you remember that soreness in your bottom for a lot longer than you feel it. Yes, and plenty of time to think about it too. It hurt too much to think about much else. Chip tried not to show his delight. It is mostly him who gets hided these days. Will he learn from it? Probably not. And he will probably get a hiding for it too. Ha!

It is not just in corrections that things have changed. I never experienced corporal punishment at school but it sounds as though it was a scary experience, and a painful one too. You probably learnt something from it if only how much a school paddle hurt. But perhaps the worst part was feeling your dad's belt finishing the job on an already sore and tender bottom. Maybe it is what you needed. Maybe not. I would have thought being punished at school was enough.

When you are naughty at home parents have a knack of finding out. They do not always call you out but they usually know what you have done. Probably because your dad, did exactly the same, pedalled out the same lame excuses as you are. You may not think you will be caught but your dad has been there done all that been caught and punished. What hope have you got? And he will tell you his punishments were always worse. You told me your grandpa hung a strap in the basement to use on your dad and his brothers. My dad has never told me that but I do not believe he was always good.

In the end dad did not punish me at all. But he made me feel guilty and ashamed just the same. He said I was letting myself down, letting him down and letting mum down. I did not have to sit on a sore butt, just a sore heart. I knew I deserved a belt session and I was sort of sorry I had not been given one. My bottom did not feel cheated. I have worked much harder since then. So maybe that stern talk is an effective punishment for a teenager (me) who sometimes thinks about other people, thinks about his mum and dad, and loves them enough to care what they think.

By the time I started High School no one much wore briefs. Nearly everyone including me had converted to boxer shorts. We thought they were more stylish more adult and much cooler. I know some of us changed our minds later on, but mostly we wanted to wear the same as the other boys in our class. Chip is in 8th grade and says he is the only boy in his class still wearing white briefs. It may not be the whole truth but he will get new underwear before next term and Mum usually lets us choose what we want. But he will not get Calvin Klein branded shorts.

Boxer shorts are comfortable underneath trousers or jeans but when we are wearing shorts- Bermudas or cut-offs- we often leave our underwear in the drawer. I do not know why. Maybe it is a boy thing. But it is no secret what a guy wears under his trousers. Even if you do not see him at home after school or when you share a room on an overnight stay over we all share the same locker room at school

Most schools do not break up until July 20 but the school I go to, finishes on July 6th so I am counting off the days. Do you have anything special planned for July 4th? I know it is a big holiday in the USA even if it does celebrate smashing the British! Isnt that what the President is all about?

Talk again with you soon and I hope you continue to enjoy what you doing.

All of the best

Radley

I had a very close encounter with Lucy. It would have gone horribly wrong. We has set it up and made careful plans. I had even brought a condom. But fortunately we came to our senses and decided we do not want to do that kind of thing for now, and there are other better ways to share our love, at least util we are older.