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Parenting and Spanking

TO RADLEY

Posted by R.J. on 2018-02-18 21:09:34

The other had nearly a year's worth of messages & becoming lengthy, so thought I would reply starting a new.

It is obvious with age that I would have more experiences than you. Some day that will be your claim and you'll look back on many good memories as I've been able to do and recall too a few foolish times that you messed up with regrets--maybe a laugh or two also. You as a teen are in what is said the best years of your life. Hope you & Chip realize that and live to the fullest. Having had young clients in my career & kids and messages like you've shared do keep me young. There will be days later when you have kids and they'll ask--dad did you really do that too??-those are the types of good memories later in life when you see yourself in your kids & other young folks.

Good parents never delight in punishing. They would rather acknowledge achievements. One of the crowning glories for a parent is to see their children as success & know they contributed in establishing that foundation when you were younger. A part of constructing that foundation is discipline, painful for both the child & parent, but self-discipline & respectability as an adult is the result.

I couldn't begin to count growing up all the times I tried to talk my way out of trouble as you say you & Chip have done too. Natural reaction I'm sure for all kids. Learned at a young age that lying never worked & resulted in more punishment. I had those alternatives too--mom was good at giving corner time & time-out; both good at the weekend grounding between 11-17 when I wanted social time with friends. Dad gave ample warnings before the paddle came off its hook in the closet or his belt came off his waist too. As for school, parents routinely were notified, the big exception was the teachers in grades 6-12 who simply took a boy to the hall & swatted his naughty butt. From grade 7-12, parents were ask to consent or withhold permission to paddle & I think most boys had parental consent & knew that meant not only school would tan your boy hide but dad would add another tanning to your bare hide once home.

We did spanking bets/dares/games too. Friends often knew each other's birthday & that got you ganged upon for a birthday spanking that matched the years of age + 1 to grow on. Every friend I knew had a paddle somewhere hanging at home, so it got frequently used for those 'game spankings' too & since we all knew how dad tanned butt, we required depantsing to get your tail smacked--it was in fun always & yes we laughed giving as the victim yelped in pretended pain.

Was the ban from a future school dance then the school's punishment or know both you & her parents decided to punish? Would you have preferred dad to simply 'beat' your butt once home & it be over or satisfied he decided to ground you?

So far, retirement has been simple pleasures. Will volunteer in ways I'm ask or needed but likely since my talents over my career has been in counseling & working with young clients with problems, it may take that direction. I've always been involved at my church, so with more retirement free-time that will likely increase too.

Tell me more about this school demerit system. Is the interview for 3 demerits then a verbal reprimand/warning & 4 get you after school detention & parental note? Have you or Chip made it to the level 3 or 4 demerits? If you or Chip got the detention level & took home a note, how do expect your parents would react? Do you think now as teenagers, you would want dad to simply 'beat' your bottoms & the matter resolved or you & Chip feel too old for a butt spanking & prefer grounding? Hope both you & Chip would never have to make such a choice.

Take care...enjoy hearing from you.

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-03-06 15:40:36

Hello Rick

It is a while since we have spoken on this thread although you may have seen messages I have left elsewhere. It is sometimes worth looking at them because I do not often repeat the same thing even when I am talking to two different people. Some threads become too long and you spend too much time searching for the right space, the right place.

I look at you as an older guy and until I read what you said I had never thought that one day that will be me looking back relishing the good times and maybe regretting the less good times and knowing that I have lived through both, and come through. For now Chip and I will make the best of what we are given and live life to the fullest. These may be the best years of our lives but I hope not. I do want the rest of my life to be an anticlimax humdrum respectable and boring. I have more ambition than that. So has Chip.

Did you find that boys like me and the young men you worked with in your career tend to have the same issues to resolve or are the tough guys you counselled in a different world from me? It is hard to imagine me being a dad but maybe one day my kids will be asking -dad did you really do that? I think grandpa sees himself in me, like maybe a younger version of him and people say I am more like him than like my dad which has got to be good. Maybe one day I will be that grandpa looking in and living on good memories as kids and your grandkids face the same problems you did and find their own solutions. They may be the same as yours but may not be. That is where you see yourself-those are the types of good memories later in life when you see yourself. Here I am talking like an old man. That is years and years and a lifetime ahead. I have got a whole lot of living to do first.

I think good parenting involves the use of carrot and stick. Sometimes I know I deserve a good hiding and sometimes I get one but I think my parents look for opportunities to avoid having to punish me, opportunities to praise me and acknowledge my achievements. If it is important to me then it is important. My parents have given me firm foundations but they know that one day I will go my own way and they will have to hope they did enough. Discipline should hurt but that does not always need to be physical. You know the house rules and you know that the best way is to obey them. But I think you can only learn self-discipline and respectability as an adult through firm fair discipline growing up. Secure in the knowledge that if you misbehave you WILL be punished whatever else you think at the time. My parents are really happy when Chip or I give them bragging rights. My parents do so much for me and Chip and really ask for very little in return. It does not take much to make a Dad happy (I stole that from peanuts and Charlie Brown)

I have learnt to be very creative with a grain of truth so that implausible excuse is not exactly a lie but nor is it the truth come at least not all of it is. I think boys learn strategies, what was with their parents and how best to get out of expected punishment. It only makes sense. The slipper or belt was there butt was seldom used. In most cases there was a suitable alternative but when we needed something short and sharp and painful dad would step up and deliver.

It sounds as though spankings for fairly routine at your school whether a hall spanking from your teacher for messing about in class or whatever, or something more serious with the paddle from the Principal. I cannot imagine my parents consenting to a school paddle now. Times have changed and maybe 30 40 or 50 years ago they would have felt differently.

I do not know why boys enjoy spanking games so much. But we all do. Another generation but we do it in a very similar way to you with trousers down at the very least and sometimes underwear as well. Just the way dad would do it. But it was always in fun and we laughed as much giving as the victim yelped in pretended pain.

The ban from a future school dance was the school's punishment. We were both punished at home, but I got it worse because received wisdom was that I had led her along and I was a predatory boy. Really Rick, I am not. I am not sure I would still want to be spanked for anything at my age but being grounded also sucks! I would not exactly say I was satisfied he decided to ground me but thinking about it up in my room I sort of knew he done the right thing.

I hope you find satisfying ways to volunteer and use your talents. Sometimes you have to step forward rather than waiting to be asked.

A demerit is was your teacher will give you for any a minor misbehavior which is not quite serious enough to actually punish you. You can get them for quite silly stuff like having your shirt untucked all for talking out of turn in class. You would get one or maybe two if you forgot to do or bring your homework with you. Or your PE kit. If you get three demerits you get a verbal reprimand and final warning and you go on daily report for a week. Each teacher assesses and you hope you are she writes at least satis each time. But it stays at school. Get a fourth demerit and you get a 45 minutes detention and your parents have to sign your discipline note. Chip had one of those on Friday and in the evening dad messed up his bottom some. I wonder if my dad would spank me if I got to many demerits. I am getting a bit too old for Dad to tan my bottom but if it means I would be free for the weekend then maybe.

Take care and best wishes.

Radley

The snow has all melted. It was fun for some while it lasted, but you can have too much of a good thing. We had a day off school. I hope we do not to have to make it up at the end of term, We had a massive snowball war and struggled to put a hat on top of our 10 foot snowman. I dared Chip to run right around outside the house with nothing on!

Posted by R.J. on 2018-03-11 18:12:56

Hi Radley,

We all age biologically, but I think the more important is how we perceive ourselves on the interior. I'm retired but I don't feel old. My ideas at times may be 'old fashion" but I'm still willing to learn new ideas. Enjoy the present at your age but truly there can still be great days ahead for you & Chip.

Boys are boys throughout the world. We all had or still have similar experiences but our culture might be different and the environment in which we are raised may have some unique experiences too. There remains aspects of that 'little boy' in all men as adults too. We see ourselves like a mirror in the actions of our sons (maybe grandson) too and those can be good or bad memories. Many of my young clients were simply a product of poverty or dysfunctional environment/parenting, but still typical boys. All boys I think need the kudo (pat) on the back for favorable achievements & I never knew a boy that angelic that didn't need correction sometimes, including a smack on his young bottom.

There will be expected rules that govern life even when you & Chip are adults. It only makes sense then to learn to follow rules as a youngster when you have parents who love & care and prove themselves a 'safety net' for you. No real mom/dad ever has pleasure dishing out punishment but sometimes that is necessary. There are those alternatives to physical discipline & often they work & adjust behavior. You mentioned the slipper & the belt as options. The belt I was acquainted with growing up, but not the slipper. Did your dad use a slipper sometimes with you & Chip and if so, what type of slipper and how did it compare to a belt when pants were lowered?

Well 40-50 years ago growing up, spanking in general was more routine than today, at home & at school. Times have changed and social acceptance of many things have had a change too. The 2 biggest advantages to the hallway paddling were: no note to take home & it was done/over with quicker. A disadvantage for some was that moment of embarrassment from classmates overhearing & walking back into the classroom to face everyone, especially if old enough to have that 'special girl' in the class. As much as we dreaded a session with dad, there was still a challenge that promoted the spanking games among friends. As you said, there was plenty of laughter on both sides because today might be your day to receive & tomorrow you gave the swats. In my youthful days we all seemed to have a paddle somewhere tucked away or hanging in the house to use. On more frisky or risk-taking days, there was a belt in play. How did you feel knowing she was punished too & you were perceived as the one who lead her on?

That must have been a difficult day for Chip when he earned that 4th demerit and had to bring home the detention slip for signature. The 3 'warning' chances should've opened his eyes but I guess in all boys there is that risk element that tells us we won't get caught. Is the detention served before note goes home or note advises your parent that you'll be serving detention the next day? Apparent dad felt Chip needed more than 45 minutes in detention as a wake-up call and as you said 'messed up' Chip's bottom some...was it up to the level of earning dad's belt?

Sounds like you guys enjoyed the snowfall. We always seemed to enjoy a snow-day off from school, but it never was too deep or too cold for outdoor activities such as that snowball fight, building a snowman or dragging our sled to the nearby park with a nice slope for sledding and the intentional or unintentional dive into a snow bank that left us wet & cold to the bones. A perfect method of discovery just how soaked denim jeans could get and when cold they cling even more to your butt & legs. The after reward was home or a friend's house for hot chocolate to warm-up & that hot shower to feel good again. Those were the days!! No desire now at my age to repeat.

You take care too...

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2018-04-09 18:20:38

Posted by R.J. on 2018-03-11 18:12:56 Hi Radley,

Hi Rick

We all age biologically, and we all age some in the four weeks since I wrote to you. I once heard somebody say the soul is willing but the body is weak. But you are only as old as you feel so long as you do not try to be the oldest swinger in town. I think it is more important how you feeling yourself without forgetting that you are not 25 or 35 anymore and you may not be able to do aal the things you did when you were. You say that some of your ideas maybe old-fashioned, but they are probably none of the words for that. Sometimes the old ways are the best ways, once that has stood the test of time, but be open as you are to new ideas. You have good memories to enjoy and I hope that by the time I am your age I will too. For now I will enjoy the present and look to the future. I just know it is going to be good for me and Chip. Even with what is happening in America Europe the Middle East and Russia. Happy retirement ha ha ha. An uncle wanted me to listen to two CDs he has. What was the Eve of Destruction. The other was the Nine O'Clock News by Simon and Garfunkel. It makes you wonder.

But even as we do age biologically I do not think we change that much. I know I sometimes feel like that little boy I once was and know I am the same person. That mischievous kid is still there, is still a part of me even though I am now old enough to make different better choices.

But boys are boys and we'll always be boys. You will see it in your son or your grandson mirroring the same things you did at his age and you will be surprised at how little has changed. That is what people tell me. I have heard my dad say when I was your age or grandpa say if I had done that when I was your age or grandma say you you are just like your grandfather was. So maybe blood is thicker than water.

All boys I think need praise for favorable achievements but few are so angelic that do not need correction sometimes. I know that . My dad knows that. And he did what any good parent would do and on occasion spanked y young bottom.

I understand that there will still be expected rules that govern life even when Chip and I are adults. And I can see does it make sense to learn obey rules out while the consequences are fairly minor. I can scarcely imagine be up before a judge. A group of Us were once arrested but after our parents collected us from the police station there was no further action against us at least not from the police! But we learnt an important lesson from the experience. Used to slipper both of us when we were younger. His slipper had a rubber sole that gave a sting to a boy's bottom. Once we was 12 or 13 dad decided big boys needed something more. With trousers up or down I would take the slipper. The belt hurts so much.

I am glad I was not growing up 40 or 50 years ago. I get quite enough spankings even today. What I do not get at school dad makes up for at home. Notes home our notes home and it is no fun looking forward to a punishment at home when you have been punished at school.

Spanking games among friends were fun even if you were the one who was spanked. You knew that it was probably br somebody somebody else the next time. It stung a bit but usually the laughter drowned out any pretend yelling. We did not have a paddle for spanking so we used a table tennis bat. Like you we had those frisky risk taking days when the belt came into play. I know chip is looking for opportunity to use that on me but I am not altogether certain what I was supposed to have done. Maybe it is because I caught him and Callum naked in his room jerking each other. oh oh oh! I really felt badly knowing that she was punished too although she was as much to blame as I was. I do not think I should have been punished anymore severely but I was. I think boys always get the blame. Anyway come up that is behind us now and things are motoring again

He will copd with the spanking ok so lomgas the girl he is soft on did not find out about it. I know how that feels. At least we did not face the embarrassment of having to return to our desk with a freshly spanked bottom knowing that everyone knew we had just been spanked or paddled.

That must have been a difficult day for Chip when he had to bring home the detention slip for signature. He had enough chances to avoid it and could not think of a reason why Dad should not reacquaint his bottom with the belt. He likes taking risks too much but one day you will learn that somehow you always get caught in the end. A short lunchtime detention can be served the same day. Anything longer than that search the next day once your parents haven seen the note Dadd felt Chip needed more than 45 minutes in detention as a wake-up call but he would have given me the same. Leather seems to hurt boys bottoms hurts even more when you know you ha who isve just been stupid and have not done anything properly naughty or properly fun.

We only had one and a half dayf off school for snow. I wonder if they will make us make it up. We were soaked and frozen when we came in from playing in the snow. I did not have any spare beds with me so I borrowed some weird it was those times when we used to get a thrill swapping clothes. Long time since I had worn another boys underwear and it gave me strange feeling inside his briefs. Did you ever swap your underwear with another boy? Once I hadas warmed up and my clothes had been through the dryer I dressed in my own clothes on again but I noticed him eyeing my er er willie. But nothing more came of it I did not expect that it would. Then I knew it should not. We are 16 not 12 or 13.

It is always good to talk with you so you keep in touch. All the best.

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2018-04-13 17:23:23

Radley, I definitely don't feel old or feel as if I act that way, and assure you I've haven't acted as a 25 y/o swinger any time lately. My 'old fashion' ideas served me well in my career. Had many young clients who couldn't believe how things were when I was their age. After awhile I figured out some of the clients saw me as the dad they wanted and needed but never had. Working with young clients also helped me stay abreast of changes needed and in a way helped me stay young in outlook. I sense in every adult man there is that 'little boy' lurking still, but maybe better controlled.

It is always good to hear a young guy speak highly of his dad. Being a dad is not always easy and sometimes you need to make a decision regarding your son/daughter that painfully tugs at your heart. When your dad needed to correct/spank you or Chip, it was out of what I'm sure was tough love & caring. One or both of you had a sore butt as a result, but dad's heart was likely aching too having to do it.

Just as you can't imagine having to stand before a judge, I'm challenged to imagine how I would've felt even being picked up by police and having my parents collect me & take me home. Dad never expected that would happen I guess, so never outlined a consequence, but suspect once home, he wouldn't tanned my hide resulting in me not eager to sit. Had a dorm mate in college who told the tale of being 15 & picked up late evening walking the street home after community curfew time. Dreaded the thought of facing his dad. When the patrol car neared his house he said they pulled to a stop in a secluded area & as one officer got him out of the back seat, the other stood at the front hood of car & told Paul, this was going to be a 'warning' so face, bend & spread eagle on the hood & he officer whipped the seat of his trousers with the wrist strap on the end of his baton. Paul admitted he was shocked but sure better than being taken to his front door by a cop. Were you or any of your mates punished by parents when they got you home after they were called to collect you at the police station?

I would suspect the slipper with a rubber sole would sting but nothing as painful as the belt, especially if bare bottom. My parents confined spanking to my butt which was I thought better than face slaps some friends got, but dad also said a spanking was on bare flesh, be it his hand, paddle or belt. Both times I got school paddled, I sure didn't look forward to getting home with the note for a whipping bare on an already sore bottom. Dad was never excessive or frequent spanker, but he made them sting good.

We did the spanking games too among friends & as you admit, there was plenty of laughs & the knowledge we all had a turn eventually on giving & taking swats. I can suspect a table tennis bat could impact a good sting. Frisky, as you say, we dared to up the ante a few times & used a belt. Never aimed to give the belt like we knew our dads were capable of doing, but made leather red-marks on a guy's bare butt.

Sure I swapped clothes with friends. Probably all boys have a some point. Over years there was always those sleepovers, a friend at my place or me at his house. Up to 14 & HS years, I think most of us wore white briefs. In HS some guys stayed with briefs & others went for boxers since that was what most dads we knew wore & made us feel more adult-like. Guys today have a greater variety of colors for their briefs & even in boxer styles. If we were all about same size, we swapped not only undies, but jeans, t-shirts, sweats & shorts/cut-offs. Sometimes we just shed underwear & went commando under our jeans/cut-offs/shorts especially on hot days. Back to what you said earlier, boys will be boys & some things never change.

Take care...stay in touch.

Rick