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Parenting and Spanking

Spanked

Posted by JoshDerek on 2017-06-17 09:23:54

Dear Mr. Rick,

My name is Josh, and I am 15 years old, living with my mom and dad. Since I was about 4 years old, my dad has spanked me to adjust and correct my behavior. Up until I was about 10 years old, he spanked me with his hands, but as I became a teenage boy, he started to use his belt on my bare butt. His argument was that I'm already a big boy, so he has higher expectations for me; and if I act childish, he will have to punish me more harshly - so with the belt.

My father is always consistent with spanking, and I always know in advance when I will get the punishment. One time I had a horrible day at school, because nothing worked out as I have planned, and I got a D grade on a test. I was really disappointed, because I studied a lot for that test and I felt I did my best. But it was a class I'm not really strong at, so I didn't do so well on the test. I was so worried about how I'm going to tell it to my mom, because I didn't want to let her down, she's always so sad when I take a bad grade home. My parents never punished me for a bad grade, but my mom and dad sat down with me and we studied together until I understood the material completely. I knew my parents wouldn't spank me for my grade, but when I got home, and my mom asked what grade I've achieved on this difficult test, I told her an A. She was so happy and proud of me. But at that point I felt like such a horrible child. She hugged me and while she almost cried from happiness, I almost cried from embarrassment. A couple of days later, my mom found out from my teacher that I got a D, not an A. After school, she took my phone, laptop and TV away, and told me to sit quietly in my room until my dad arrives to "put me in my place". I knew what was coming, but I also knew I deserved it. Not for getting the bad grade, but for lying to my mom. When my dad got home, I overheard my mom and dad discussing my behavior, and how lying was absolutely unacceptable. My dad came in my room, and told me to pull my pants down, and lay over my bed. I did as he told me, and I heard him pull his leather belt out through his belt loops. Before he spanks me, he always explains why he does it. He told me the reason I am getting punished was for lying to my mom, not for getting a bad grade. I felt so embarrassed, because I knew that my behavior was unacceptable and I know better than this. From that painful spanking, surely I've learnt my lesson. My mom never spanks me, but she always tells my dad about any misbehavior, and dad will administer the corrective punishment.

Overall, I think I'm well behaved (surely compared to other kids at my school), so my dad does not spank me very often. I take my studies very seriously, because my family believes it is to important for a successful future. I don't have a perfect GPA, but I do try my best. I also am polite with adults and obedient with my parents. I know my parents love me, and they only want the best for me, so I do what I'm told. Most of the time when I am spanked, it is about issues of respect and talking back. My dad is all about respect, so whenever I don't talk to him or my mom in a very respectful way, he makes sure to correct me with his belt. I not only have to act polite and disciplined, but I also have to take care of my appearance and look proper. As I don't have a school uniform, my dress code is quite relaxed. I wear polo shirts tucked in, dark blue or black jeans pulled up to my waist and secured with a belt, and socks and leather shoes. I don't sag my pants like most kids at my age do, because I think it looks ridiculous. I enjoy wearing my pants properly on my waist.

If you've read my story, thank you! I am messaging you, because I need some advice. I feel like it is so difficult to always be obedient and talk in a respectful way to my parents. I can also have bad days sometimes, when I just don't feel like talking to anyone, and I can get frustrated when my dad or mom ask questions constantly. These are the times I sometimes talk back, and tell them to leave my alone. One time I even said the f-word. In such instances, my dad, of course, explodes of anger and takes me to my room and corrects me behind the locked doors. I realize I deserved the spanking, and I'm then very thankful for my dad to care enough to correct me. Most of the time after the spanking, I go to my parents and sincerely apologize for my wrong attitude. I genuinely have so much respect for them, and I'm extremely thankful for them. But I think my parents don't know how thankful I am to them, because I talk back at times. Although I always let them know that I have the utmost respect to them, but I think my words may not be enough. Until I can be mouthy, I think my parents wouldn't feel totally respected. I think I shouldn't only tell them I respect them, but I should also work more on my actions. What do you think? Do you think my parents know how much respect I have for them, despite the fact that I sometimes say things that I regret? What can I do?

I am looking forward to hearing from you, Sir. Best regards, Josh

Posted by R.J. on 2017-06-23 16:45:57

Hi Josh,

Welcome...sorry it has taken me this long to reply but as I said, I've been busy with many aspects and last weekend was family time being Father's Day. Thanks for the sharing of so much about you. Has given me some insight that might address what you are asking. There are other fine young men that are peers your age that might offer some perspectives too being closer in age.

My parents raised me it appears similar to your parents. Can't actually recall a 'first spanking' at home but it was before I started school. Dad simply put me across his lap & bared my bottom to smack it with his hand. Common otk traditional spanking that I think many boys got. Dad made a paddle when I was about 9 to use & as if you, the belt once I was a teen. How did your dad punish then between 10-13 when hand spankings stopped & the belt introduced as a teenager?

That lying about a grade was certainly wrong. I can understand not wanting to have parents disappointed but it sounds Josh like they are proud of you if they take an interest & help you comprehend homework assignments. Think you let them down more lying than tell the truth about a "D" grade & they probably would've been even more diligent in helping you. You don't say how old or what grade you were for this incident--sounds like maybe you were older & knew better than to lie.

My mom wasn't much into spanking...dad handled that. She was prone to putting me on a chair or corner time when younger & grounding me to my room to await dad getting home when older. She never, at least in my presence, objected to my dad tanning my butt. Spanking wasn't a real 'first option' and didn't happen all that frequent, but dad was a firm believer if it reached that point, it was to be bare butt. I grew up an only child, so real close relationship with my folks. When I started 1st grade my folks talked about behaving at school & dad promised to spank me when I got home if he found out I misbehaved. They still spanked little guys & paddled older boys when I attended school. Since most schools now prohibit CP, my guess would be you've never seen or experienced school paddling. I saw classmates get it but never imaged I would be school paddled until it finally happened in 8th grade.

We didn't have a school uniform either but had a dress code similar to what you describe. Most guys wore jeans and casual shirt & shirt had to be tucked in. We wore socks with leather-style shoes in class & only could wear athletic-style shoes in pe or if you went out for sports. Back then, boys didn't sag trousers/jeans & I agree that sagging doesn't look good or appeal to me. We guys did prefer our jeans to be body-fitting rather than baggy. My favorite, maybe because most guys wore them, was Levis 501's. I use to think guys who got swats over jeans couldn't hurt much because denim was heavy-duty but in 8th I learned different, when your back pockets were empty & seat of my Levis snug with only briefs beneath, the paddle left your rear-end sore sitting back in class.

The best advice should come from your dad in one of those son/dad talks that can really bond a relationship, but I'll share my thoughts & hope they help you some. It is part of teenage years to get frustrated, impatient, angered at all authority & not just parents. Not making any excuses for you, but all guys from around 11/12 up are going through biological changes as they transition from boy to young man and want a feeling of more independence. It can't be tolerated but I'm sure your mom & dad understand fully what you are going through. Remember, mom & dad were 15 at one time too and probably acted & reacted just like you. If your dad tans your rear-end when mouthy or disrespectful, it is likely his dad, tanned his butt in a similar manner. You mention nothing about siblings...are there any? Guys with an older brother commonly learn examples from them. If you have a younger sibling, maybe parents are concerned you'll set a bad habit if you are not punished. As to an "F bomb," that is never acceptable, especially toward parents. That "F bomb" was what earned me my last whipping from dad at 16. Thought I was already outside earshot but dad heard. It wasn't easy at 16 but knew I was guilty and deserved a hiding and dad's belt gave one to my bare butt. Appears your dad prefers using your room & behind a closed door if he intends to bust your butt.

Your parents understand and accept those apologies and as is true of most good parents there is unconditional love no matter what you say or do. Josh, you are just as human as any of us and make mistakes we later regret--from your words I see you as a normal 15 y/o boy. They know you love & respect them too, so don't fret about it. Do your best with them just as you say you attempt to do your best in your studies...they'll see it and be very proud of you.

Will enjoy hearing from you again Josh, if you feel like it. Hope you don't mind me just saying "Josh" and unless it makes you uncomfortable, call me Rick. Take care young man and thanks for messaging.

Rick

Posted by JoshDerek on 2017-06-24 09:11:57

Hello Mr. Rick,

First of all, I would like to thank you for your kind offer to drop "Mr" - I honestly appreciate it! From a young age my dad expected me to call adults I don not know well "Mr."/"Mrs." or "Sir"/"Ma'am". As I got used to addressing adults in such a way, it feels more natural for me to call you "Mr. Rick" or "Sir" in the first few messages that I post. Would you be comfortable with that too? Please, let me know. And to answer your question, of course, I am completely fine with you calling me "Josh", in fact, that's what I prefer.

I am so glad to hear that you spent time with your family on Father's Day. It is a truly special day for you and all dads around the world! How many children do you have? What is their gender, and how old are they now? Did you or do you use corporal punishment on them? I am hoping that your children made Father's Day very memorable for you, because based on the couple of messages I have read posted by you, you have grown up in a caring family, and I am sure you carried that attitude forward to when you became a dad and were able to raise young adults with manners and discipline. That is what I strive to be, too. I tried to make Father's Day truly special for my dad. I wrote him a letter, in which I explain how much I love and appreciate him. In the letter I write about my love and respect for him, and how thankful I am for everything he has done for me. I wrote about how I am really sorry that I do not always behave as he expects me to, but in my heart I am a good kid, and I will try everything I can to prove this to him. I thanked him for guiding me in the right direction, and for caring enough to correct me with his belt if I start to deter. He had a slight smile on his face while he was reading it, and he told me he is proud of me. It filled my heart with warmth, for this is not something he tells me every day. I also asked mom if we could make dad a Father's Day dinner, and together with my mom, we prepared dad's favorite meal. I know that these gifts are not too big, but it seemed like he really appreciated them, at least I very much hope so.

Actually, dad started using the belt once I turned 10, not 13. I know I wrote in my previous message, "when I turned a teenager", but I meant 10. English is not my first language (I was born in the US, but we moved to Germany when I was 2), and where we live, we tend to use the term "teenager" in a broader context, so even to a 10 or 11 or 12 year old kid, it is considered normal to say teenager. So in a nutshell, my dad spanked me with his hands until my 10th birthday, then he switched to leather immediately; no transition.

I know that lying under any circumstance is unacceptable. I was 14, so I definitely knew better than that. I do admit I made a mistake, but thankfully dad helped me learn my lesson. I guess I have to make these silly mistakes as a child, so I can learn from them, and in the future I will be smarter and I will not get into situations that could result in much greater trouble than an old-fashioned belt whipping from dad.

It really does seem like my parents have a very similar approach to parenting as yours, Mr. Rick. My mom has never used corporal punishment on me, but she does always tell my dad about any misbehavior, and dad will decide how I will be punished. Actually, mom never lets me get away with anything, she is quite strict with me and she tells dad about even the slightest misbehavior. I am not spanked for everything, but when I am, I am spanked quite intensely (not abusively, though). Sometimes, I simply get a warning from dad, but for more serious issues with my attitude and behavior, my dad does not hesitate to take his belt off.

I do not like baggy jeans either, I prefer to wear body-fitting jeans of a dark color. Most of my classmates think it is cool to sag their pants, but I would never wear them anywhere below my natural waist, not only because my dad would surely lay leather on my butt for looking improper, but also because I think that a nice and tight leather belt around your waist gives you a feeling of discipline, and it is a constant reminder for me to stay out of trouble. My classmates sometimes tease me for this, and for being "mommy and daddy's boy", but thankfully it is not too bad, I would not call it bullying, just some teasing that boys tend to do out of love. However, if I said any of those things to anyone, my dad would definitely warm my butt. But I've come to the realization that my parents have much higher expectations for me than the parents of other kids, and my parents are also more harsh in punishments. I think this is why other boys talk back to teachers or bully other kids, while I do not. I am not sure.

I find your advice very valuable, Sir, I appreciate it. Your sentences regarding how it is normal for a young man to object authority and restrictions, made me feel a lot better, so thank you for that. I do hope that what you are saying is true, that my mom and dad know what I am going through. My parents never tolerate talking back or any form of rebellion towards authority, especially because I have a little brother, so I have to behave in an exemplary manner. My brother will turn 10 in 3 months, so he is worried about the belt whipping that he will soon get for sure. My dad always tells us that we have to act and behave to the best of our abilities, and be willing to take the consequences if we fail to do so. He does make numerous rules, restrictions and boundaries, but he has created them out of pure love and care for me and my brother. I have to work hard to earn his compliments (as when he told me on Fathers Day that he's proud of me, because he saw me as a young man with manners, respect, and self-discipline). On the same premise, I can also earn my spankings for having an attitude, for misbehaving, for not obeying my parents. There's no time to fool around, dad always tells me. He believes that every young boy needs a strong male figure who sets him the rules to follow, and guides him in the right direction by punishing him if he chooses to deter or thinks to know better. As my disciplinarian, dad says that as I got older, the number of punishments I earned decreased (naturally, as I matured and became more disciplined, I needed less attitude corrections), but the intensity of the spanking had to increase (to make sure the spanking leaves a memorable impression and I learn my lesson). I am 15 now, and I am still spanked hard when I earn it. My dad told me he will not stop disciplining me any time soon, and he will not hesitate to unbuckle when needed. Two weeks ago I got a butt whipping that I'll never forget. I think it was he harshest I ever earned, so I definitely do not have my hopes up that he will stop spanking me any time soon.

It is great talking to you, Mr. Rick! I am looking forward to hearing from you, if you would like to continue to talk and have time to write. I hope you have a great day!

Josh

Posted by R.J. on 2017-06-29 12:16:08

Hi Josh,

Certainly I'm comfortable with Mr Rick and if that is more natural & comfortable for you then that's the way to go. When you feel ready to drop "Mr" that will be OK too. I can see your good manners have taken a significant role in your life.

My Father's Day was a great time for my wife, kids (they are young adults now) and myself, just the way I wanted and should be. Yes, I was raised with corporal punishment when required and raised mine the same way. Growing up I never recall a young person that didn't get into sufficient mischief from time-to-time and needed that occasional swat/smack on their bottom. Though not as socially accepted today as when I was growing up, the occasional spanking still works and is needed. I learned from my dad and used as a dad 3 great thoughts he had--spanking should be private; spanking should be confined to smacking the bottom region only...no face slaps or to hands, back or feet; never spank when upset or angry.

I'm sure your letter and that special meal was the best Father's Day gift you could give your dad. An appropriate and good gift doesn't require a big package or much expense. What comes from the heart is what is important.

Growing up since age 2 in Germany and English not your primary language, allow me to commend you on how well you write and express yourself in English. I do now understand the term 'teenager' and imagine there are many boys at 10/11 that see themselves as teens already. I am a bit surprised though that living in Germany that your dad uses CP for discipline. I was under the impression that in Germany and the other EU countries, spanking/CP had been prohibited in law. Guess what happens in the privacy of a home and doesn't inflict injury on the child just goes unnoticed.

Josh, we all make mistakes in life. Mistakes are part of our human nature and we can learn from them. You are a wise-sounding young man and suspect at 14 you knew well & felt guilty about that lie. If it took dad spanking your bottom to get the message across, so be it. Dad knows you best. I'm sure the guilty feeling of letting your parents down & disappointing them hurt as much as the spanking.

Teasing can be OK but bullying never is. I'm glad to hear that you understand the difference and don't feel you are being bullied. Saying you are a 'mom/dad boy' may just be envy on their part that they don't have the good parents and upbringing you have. Ignore them and live your life as you feel most comfortable & the high standards your parents have taught you.

With regards to dad's belt and spanking, does he require your pants to be down to feel the leather on underwear or bare bottom, or just satisfied to whack your 15 y/o bottom over those jeans? You say your brother is soon to be 10, so there is a 5-6 year difference in age. Do you guys do much together or each hang with friends closer to your own ages? Is part of your brother's concern over the belt and the chance it will be used with him once 10, because he has seen dad whip you with the belt & realizes that is more than a hand spanking? Have you & brother been spanked together or dad separate you guys for spankings?

Thanks for your message and feel free to message whenever you want.

Rick

Posted by JoshDerek on 2017-07-01 17:38:57

Hello Mr. Rick,

Thank you for your reply, it's always a pleasure to hear from you.

I am happy to read that you think my good manners have taken a significant role in my life. They have, indeed. My dad thinks that having good manners, self-discipline and respect (to other people and ultimately to myself) are the most important "traits" or patterns of behavior, so to say, that I have to learn from a young age, with the close guidance of my parents. I completely agree with my dad; however, I sometimes feel like he may be too strict and restrictive with me. Therefore, I am hoping that dad sees what you see - that I have good manners - and consequently, he will relax a bit with discipline. He does not allow me to do many things, that all my friends are allowed to do.

My classmate had a party at his house a couple of weeks ago, and my dad said I can go until 9 pm, if I promise I wouldn't act any differently at the party than I would if I were with my parents. So I went, and we had a lot of fun. We had some snacks and juices, and we listened to music. I put my phone to charge, so I didn't hear my dad called me 6 times. At the time, I was outside and all my friends were smoking cigarettes. They told me I should try, but I told them I don't want to. They teased me and told me I'm "mommy and daddy's boy", so as I wanted them to stop saying this to me all the time, I said that I'll try it for the first time in my life. I really hated the taste, I don't understand why people start smoking, honestly. Right at this time, my dad showed up, and saw me drop my cigarette to the ground. He didn't want to embarrass me in front of my friends, so he just told me in a very relaxed tone that we have to go home now. I grabbed my phone, and we sat into his car. Through the car ride home, he explained to me that he's never been so disappointed in me. We had a discussion about smoking, and he gave me a lecture about the health issues it causes. All this time, I knew what was coming when we get home, and I dreaded it. When we got home, he pulled his belt out from his beltloops, and handed it to me. He told me to go to my room, and prepare for the punishment. I put dad's belt on the bed, and I pulled my jeans and underwear down, and I bent over the bed next to my dad's belt, as I knew he expected me to. Then he came in, and I soon felt the leather on my bare butt. He gave me 8 smacks, that I had to count. It was hard to count, because I cried so much. The spanking never hurt to such extent; it was really painful. I know I deserved it, and I think that when I'll become a dad and my son does something similar, I wouldn't do any differently than my dad. But at that moment, it was difficult for me to take the punishment. He asked me if I had learnt my lesson, and I told him yes and I apologize, but all my friends were smoking and their parents are okay with it. Needless to say, this got me another 5 smacks.

Thank you, Sir, for sharing the 3 great thoughts you learnt from your dad. In our family too, spanking is private. We are not spanked together with my brother, unless we did something together that earned both of us a punishment. For example about 3 years ago, my granddad supervised us because our parents were traveling, and we did a small prank on him. He told us he will spank us, but we ran to my room and we closed the door with my keys, so he couldn't get in. We were really scared of granddad's belt, because we've heard about it from dad. That afternoon my parents came home, and dad yelled to us to open the door. To him, we opened the door, and because we did the mischief together, he spanked us together. First my brother with his hands, then me with the belt. As my brother has seen me a couple of times being spanked, he knows that feeling the leather is more painful than dad's hand. I told him that rather than worrying so much about the belt whipping, he should behave and live up to - or better, exceed - dad's expectations, and dad won't feel the need to take his belt off so often. We are always spanked on the bottom region only, bare.

Thank you for your compliment, I honestly appreciate it. I do try really hard to get better at my English. Every summer, I have to study English, every day, for a couple of hours. Both my mom and dad speak perfect English (as they've lived in the States), so they help me a lot. I have to read novels, watch documentaries, and write analytical essays on what I read/watch that my parents help me improve. With my parents' help, I was able to improve my skills a lot, but I am still learning and there is a long way to go.

I think that in Germany, spanking your child to discipline him is not prohibited by law, only if it causes marks that are visible for 8 or more days. It always happens at home, and we don't talk about it to anyone - we keep it private. I think that many parents use CP here, too, but we don't talk so openly about it.

Most of the time, I do not feel like I'm bullied, but still, when my classmates tease me or say that I'm "mommy and daddy's boy", I feel so small. I try to ignore them, but it's not easy. At home I learn about manners and respect, but when I go to school I experience the exact opposite from my peers. It is difficult to balance this out. My peers do not have good manners,they are not disciplined, and they show absolutely no respect towards each other or teachers. As I try to show these qualities that my parents have taught me, I'm perceived by others as a bit different; my behavior stands out. For most adults, my behavior stands out in a positive way, but my peers do not think I'm "cool" enough. I'm not sure, Mr. Rick, that they are envious of me that I have caring parents and they do not. I think they are totally fine with having parents who give them so much freedom, so they can do whatever they want. They perceive this is good parenting. I can't do whatever I wan't, and my parents have set me boundaries, because they care. In my opinion, this is good parenting. I'm honestly not sure what I should do. I will talk to dad about it, but I think he would make me switch schools. However, I am not sure if the situation would get better in some other school. My brother is also in this school, but he enjoys it, and I don't want to rip him out from his friend group, because if I switched schools, he would, too. When in school, he hangs out with his classmates, and I hang out with mine. At home we are together often, my dad expects me to be a role model to him.

I hope you have a great day.

Josh