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Parenting and Spanking

Dad tanned my hide

Posted by Boy from New York on 2017-08-31 10:17:24

Hi RJ

My summer vacation is also drawing to a close. The car washing is over for this summer and I will go back to normal after school, and weekend hours with Mr. Stein after the weekend, Labor Day. It is hard to say I am looking forward to school, but I am looking forward to being a sophomore.

You have told me before that there are two kinds of pats on the back. There is the attaboy boy hand on your shoulder and the not quite so attaboy pat on your bottom. And if words of encouragement do not work if you don’t learn from mistakes of the past then maybe a pat on the bottom is needed. But I think you need to reflect on the past to be able to move forward, and put that past behind you. You call it promoting changes that will make the future better.

Parents have options when it comes to punishment and I wonder how they know which option is best in any given situation, which on a different day might require a different solution. I know my dad does not enjoy spanking us, well mainly me now, and no boy enjoys dropping his shorts to get his bottom hided. But Dad and son know it is an option and that sometimes that is the choice that is needed. Provided you both know that and that comes from that unconditional love you share then you can do accept it. Of course age-appropriate and my dad thinks that that kind of punishment is best applied to a bare bottom. Just like you do. You might not like to spank but you do it because you have to, because it is what is best for your kids at that time at that place. It did not and does not have to be frequent because the ones I did left an impression on my bottom that was usually enough to adjust my thinking. I am hardly ever called James other than when in trouble. Mom dad even teachers call me Jamie so long as I am good. The only thing worse than being called James is being called James William McCallister. Then I know I am in proper trouble, even now.

I tried to sort out the meaning of your next sentence beginning I doubt neither you nor I ever knew a friend... I had friends who got into trouble and were not tanned although I knew that I would have been by my dad if I had done the same. I thought those guy deserved what I would have got even if it was busting butt. I sometimes feel my parents are stricter than the parents of some of my friends and I could not get away with anything. Maybe the truth is that I am naughtier than they are. That is something I want to change and leave behind me. But it is only by recognizing my past that I can direct my future. Is that what you mean by being positive?

I cannot imagine finding other Lucys in my life although dad says it is big ocean and as I grow up I will meet lots of cute girls and some of them will turn my head. He says there will be other girls in my life and probably more than one who will lead me onward before I meet the one I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

Das says that so I suppose it is true. I will enjoy a boy girl relationship now and as it unfolds and develops. We have made some common sense choices together and set our own appropriate limits. Lucy knows I only have eyes for her and I know she only has eyes for me. Time is a wonderful teacher and I think it takes time to learn in the classroom or in the back row at the movies. I know I have a lot to learn about girls and relationships but dad told me that in a million years of dating I should not expect to ever understand girls. He says he never did!

Dad has always done all he can to protect me and protect my future. He will do all he can to make sure I learn at home even if it breaks his heart to leather strap me as you say it surely does. He knows it would hurt me even more for me to be led away to a jail cell. Faced with that choice I would drop my pants and hand Dad the belt. Dad can whip hard but he does it because he loves me. He knows I will quickly recover and will not hate him forever. I may not thank him but it is surely better than a stint in YDC or prison. I cannot see incarceration on the horizon but I think it is too much to hope that belt on bottom will not be part of my future. An easy choice though.

Two jobs have helped to keep me busy enough to stay out of too much trouble this summer. If someone is paying you to do a job they expect you to behave like an adult. I think I have grown up and learned a lot over the summer and I liked the responsibility of being trusted and treated like anybody else. Lucy and other friends helped fill the slack times as well as “helping” me spend my pay checks. Some went on my college fund some went on housekeeping and the rest- I do not know where it went but I would spend every penny I have on Lucy so maybe that is what happened. But I do know that even though mom takes half what I earn for expenses, it is only a contribution towards them.

Best wishes

Jamie

Posted by R.J. on 2017-09-05 16:49:11

Hi There Jamie,

You apparently have had a full and good summer break. Unless times have really changed significantly, the roughest year of high school, freshman, is behind you now. You are no longer the 'new kid' but as sophomore now, one of the HS 'pros.' You'll likely do very well and I do you wish a great year.

Jamie, we all have past memories, some really good ones and some we would rather forget. Much of what I share in the messages are obviously my past and hope that in a way they might help you & others. As you say, we do learn from our past. I do however recommend more focus on the present & how it might enhance & brighten your future. Encouragement at any age is important, but I think extra important for boys like you right now who are transiting into adulthood. Teen years can be confusing and rough for many, so a pat on the back feels good often to let you know others have been there & done that too and you will also survive--so pep up & strive cause there is a potential road of good ahead of you. Sure at 15, you may need that pat on the rear-end too occasionally, but hopefully not often now.

Parents know their kids in some ways better than kids know themselves. A dad knows his sons better even than moms do because, as previously said, they have been there & done that. Your dad likely knows differences even with you & Kevin and be it encouragements or punishments will have to personalize how he approaches a situation. Dad will recall the attaboys he got & how meaningful they were; he'll also recall when your granddad had to tan his hide as a boy. My dad could've paddled or belted my rear-end over jeans & it may have been just as effective & stung no less. Both principals who tanned the seat of my Levis left my butt uncomfortable to sit afterwards, but my dad told me that visual awareness let him know when my bottom had enough. It's just a dad thing I guess. As a dad, you'll know too some day with your son(s).

I doubt Jamie that you are naughtier than your friends. As just noted, parents know best their own and what it takes. Some parents may not have been exposed to CP themselves, so it isn't an option or maybe got such frequent butt bustings that they swear never to put their kid through that. Maybe those friends needed that too & maybe both you & they knew they deserved that. If they turn out OK as men, then it was the right decision; if not, then they'll suffer the consequence as adults & look back & regret a parent's method. So if dad seemed strict & told you or Kevin to lose your britches & he tanned your bare hides, he knew it would take that to get the lesson learned & you had the tough butt for some tough love.

Your dad is right---guys never will fully understand the lady (ladies) in their life. You & Lucy continue to follow good common sense in that relationship & let it unfold as it must in proper time. You & Kevin have a great resource at your finger-tips too in your dad, so ask questions. He's been around a couple decades longer than you & it might feel embarrassing to discuss but he knows girls can stir up those briefs or boxers you wear and knows best some 'dos' and 'don'ts' of dating.

Yes, an employer can expect you to act responsible on a job. Just as with school, the part-time job is a teaching source to prepare you for career & adulthood. Take both school & job experiences seriously. Best now as a teen to take a 'kick in the butt' if needed for messing up on the job than to get fired as that 'kick' when you got a wife or kids to house & feed later or on your own & lose a job that affects your food or rent or other necessities. Sounds like you had a good 'early career' teaching experience this summer, so now grow from it Jamie and fulfill that next step in the learning process you face as a HS sophomore -- best luck dude!!

Rick

Posted by Boy from New York on 2017-10-03 11:04:03

Hello again Rick

Summer break seems a long time ago. The roughest year of growing up is behind me now. I do not think things have changed significantly but I have. I am a 15-year-old sophomore now, a high school pro and more is expected of me. But I have more to offer. I hope this is going to be the best year of my life. I want to do really well. Thank you for your good wishes.

It is good to focus on the present and future but it is important to remember and reflect on the changes you have made so that you do not make the same choices in the future. Lessons however learned need to be remembered. Not making those poor choices will enhance and brighten my future.

Encouragement at any age is important, but even more important in these times for boys like me, at my age. That transition from boyhood to adulthood is littered with traps, questions to ask, challenges to face problems to ponder experiences to explore and for sure you need encouragement to see through that maze. Who would not be confused? So a pat on the back tells you have done good and that feels good. t is a tricky road full of potholes and hazards but I know others have gone this way, done everything and come through it as I probably will. Dad has done it all been there and done everything and I will survive too You know I am a very positive person so I will, in your words, pep up and strive cause there is potential good ahead me somewhere out there just out of sight. I know that at 15 I am not immune from belt punishment but I do not get that very often any more. Time to grow up. This is what my beautiful girlfriend Lucy expects. But encouragement and punishment are two sides the same coin, different routes with the same aim.

Parents know their kids better than anybody else. Dad knows there are differences between me and my older brother Kevin. Even if I did the self-same thing Kevin did at my age there is no saying dad would deal with it the same way. Between encouragement and punishment dad always knows the best way and knows how to personalize how he approaches a situation. Sometimes a word of encouragement a chat with dad can be more effective than any punishment, especially as I grow up and change wanting to be naughty to wanting to be good. But sometimes you let yourself down and earn a pants down punishment. Even now. Even at 15.

I attract trouble like a magnet. I may not be any naughtier than my friends I but I am the one who is punished the one who is not allowed out to play. But I know discipline begins at home and I prefer it that way. Dad is good with us and will do whatever it takes to see us through even if that means Kevin or I have to lose our pants for a good old-fashioned whipping- It does not happen very often and I cannot remember the last time Kevin was whipped. Tough discipline, tough bottom but most of all tough love. Dad says I will never understand Lucy butht is not a reason not to try. One day she will probably break my heart. Lucy and I will continue to follow good common sense in our relationship. We will let it unfold and develop as it must. And then what happens happens happens, as it will, in proper time. We know that. Dad is always willing to answer questions and is a great resource. He is not embarrassed to answer any question and sometimes answers the questions we are too embarrassed to ask. He knows how girls can stir up a boy but does not think that he can teach us how to date. We know there are things you do do and things you do not do. All dad says is have fun and be good. Then he winks and we know what he means, and that he does understand.

You learn as much out of school as you learn in school. Some lessons are best learned in the classroom others from your work experience or job, your experiences and friends and some you… If your dad does not correct while you are young you are more likely to end up in trouble later where the consequences will be more serious than a sore bottom for a few hours. I do not like it but when I look at it that way I would offer my dad the belt every time.

Well, I got there in the end. Yes dad thrashed me, but you know what? I am glad he did. That he cared enough. I think that is what love is all about.

Jamie

Posted by R.J. on 2017-10-08 18:59:24

Jamie, the good wishes are well meant and I'm sure with your positive outlook, it will be a good sophomore year for you. Yes, summer now seems a distant past.

I've never meant my words to reflect that the past is not a valuable learning tool. We all learn from our experiences and experiences reflect our past. You've shared some past misfortunes & guess I was saying the present & future should be where you dwell. Hope my words do encourage you.

Dad has been & probably always be a primary resource for you. He recognizes you are not your brother & he is not you. You both are individuals with your own character & personality. Sometimes a talk...a bit of advice...goes a long way & that is a big part of parenting to know what to say and when and how it will come across & you react. In some situations, nothing short of leather across a boy's hide is required. Some day you will better understand & use your best if you have a teenage son.

You probably never were that much more naughty as a boy than Kevin was nor were your friends. All boys in a sense attract trouble like a magnet, but as I just previously said, we all are individuals & what we attract may differ. Some friends may have been hesitant to share with you some of what their 'magnet' attracted & the consequences they faced, just as you may not have wanted them to know your dad/son talks, privileges taken or short-term groundings or especially when your dad took leather to your young hide. Dad is also telling truth about girls!!

Rick

Posted by Boy from New York on 2017-11-03 12:15:38

Hi Rick

Things are looking good and you will go a long way to find another boy as positive about his future as I am. With things changing all around a beleaguered president and an aggressive war situation and spiraling gun crime you might think it is the end of the world. Not me.

I think the past is desperately important and I wish politicians could learn from the past the way I try to. But if I spend too much time wallowing in the past my present and future will be one of missed opportunities and unmet expectations. But yes I have had some bumpy times but I have learned from them, packed them away and hope I will never need to revisit them again.

Increasingly we find that a talk, a bit of advice or guidance goes a long way. But quite often it is not want you want to hear. I never thought of it before but it must be a challenge for a parent to know what to say and when to say it how it will come across and how it will be taken. Most of the time that talk will be sufficient for all the discipline you need. There are times when talking is not enough and then some sanctions are required. You and I both know what an effective punishment a leather belt is or was but in today’s society not many boys will be punished in that way. I wonder what I would do if I was a dad. Where I would find the right words Maybe I will be a dad one day and find out. But I have a long way to go.

Looking at my checkered past I cannot believe that Kevin or my friends were ever as naughty as I was. I would get into trouble with one group of friends and be punished and then go off with another group of friends get in trouble again and be punished again. I suppose all boys are naughty to an extent but it is only more recently that friends are hesitant to share what happens to them at home, as I am with them. I do not want now to have them know about our dad/son talks, although they probably have them too, about those times privileges are taken away or I get short-term groundings and especially when dad leathers my hide.

He is still the best resource I have. He is good to me and always tells me the truth. And when it comes to girls I need all the help I can get. Dad may not know much about music fashion and must have toys but he sure knows a lot about girls.

Yes, dad did tan my hide but in the circumstances it was probably the best thing he could have done for me. Since then, over the summer, I have tried harder to behave and I think I have turned the corner. I will never be all good but now I am older, wiser, and more experienced. I know more is expected of me, but I can I will deliver. And Dad can keep that belt looped around his waist!

Jamie