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Parenting and Spanking

Dad tanned my hide

Posted by R.J. on 2017-07-11 17:23:55

Hi Jamie,

Best not to dwell on the past. It's history. Can't be erased & too late to change. We all make poor choices at times...part of our human nature...and we don't outgrow poor choices, as is evident with my clients well beyond teen years in age. I didn't intend to be overly harsh with you. Maybe just saw you as a basic good & responsible young man who went 'off the rails' at a weak moment & needed a wake-up notice. It likely would've been better had I left it to your dad & from everything you've said, he did a good job verbally and with his belt. As with clients, it was good to hear you say you learned from this unfortunate experience & I have confidence you have!!

You & Kevin are precious I'm sure in the eyes of mom & dad. That's a parental trait that goes with unconditional love. I'm sure your dad never has enjoyed busting your little butt, or Kevin's. As a dad, I never enjoyed that chore, but a dad does what a dad must do when necessary to affirm that unconditional & tough love.

I don't recall if you ever said that you had actually experimented & used the MJ or mom found your stash before you & Steve got around to trying. If you prefer not to answer, I'll understand. As I've said, it's past & best left that way.

I commend your parents for introducing alcohol in the safe supervision of home. I dad the same as a parent & was raised similar by my parents. I'm not sure I've told it either, but there was an incident around 15/16 when my cousin, Gene & I, were home alone & decided to spike our bottles of cola with dad's vodka. So we would go undetected, we replaced the vodka with water to the same level. We were already sacked-out by time parents got home, so never detected/caught. Long after & in dad/son talk as two adults I finally owned up to that stunt & should've been dealt with...dad assured me Gene & I would've gotten our a$$es whipped but good had Gene's dad or he found out. As to the dude, Bobby, I can understand wanting to keep him under surveillance & landing a 'bigger fish' but still someone...school, cops, his parents...need to halt his enterprise before something really tragic happens. I do think his young hide needs the leather strap and deserves it more than the bare hide whipping you got...agree?? Jaime, I see such boys every day that had needed & never got the a$$ whuppin they needed when younger.

Jaime, I didn't see you as a druggie or wild child. Just a foolish boy not engaging the common sense he is capable of. Sounds like Lucy isn't putting you down & offers you that chance to prove yourself. She apparently has confidence in you & so glad you both had a great end of school year dance date/evening. As to being sent to a YDC, your parents see the good/nice boy you are & your dad cares too much about you & your future that he would drop your britches & strap your little butt giving you a good reason to lie face down & not want to try to sit long before you ever went 'off the rails' enough to risk YDC. It was worth a few tears & time to think and get your life decisions/priorities back in order. You've got the fiber, so stay firm Jamie.


Posted by Boy from New York on 2017-07-17 11:15:53


I am trying to leave my past behind me and look to the future. I cannot change what I have done or where I have been but I can make sure I learn from all that and be positive about the future. I know I will still make mistakes and poor choices sometimes but I am going forward, not back.

I was not saying you were overly harsh with me. There were things I needed to hear. You saw me. a basically good and responsible young man who needed a wake-up to get him back on track. It might have been better had you left it to my dad. He did a good job verbally and with his belt. But it would have been a darn shame if no one had been there to pull me up. So in the end I was lucky that you were there to make sure I did learn from this unfortunate experience from someone who makes a living helping young men like me to learn from experience and move on. I hope I can justify that confidence you have in me

Kevin and I must be precious in the eyes of mom and dad when you think of all they do for us. I do not think unconditional love is restricted to parents. It goes both ways. Mom and dad are precious to us. I am sure dad has never enjoyed busting our little bottoms but he has/does because a dad does what a dad must do. But I am not sure a licking is always needed to affirm that unconditional and sometimes tough love.

I do not recall if I ever told you that I had actually experimented and used MJ before- but not the stash mom found in my room before Stevie and I got around to trying it. Please do not tear me out for that. I know it was wrong but I have changed. It was our good luck that we were found out, and found out at home. All that is in the past and best left that way.

Our parents introduced us to alcohol in the safe supervision of home. You have told me before about the incident when you and your cousin decided to spike your cola with some of dad's vodka.

Bobby needs someone to halt his enterprise before something really bad happens. it is bigger than we can handle. I agree his young hide probably needs the leather strap and surely deserves it as much as I deserved the bare hide whipping I got. You see young guys every day that only needed few butt whippings when they were growing up to have given them a brighter future. Maybe all boys are like that!

I am glad you did not see me as a druggie or wild child, but as I am, a foolish boy who did not engage his brain or use the common sense he had.

I feel a bit like Homer Simpson asking for another last chance but Lucy is offering me that chance to prove myself. She still likes me perhaps more than she should and still has confidence in me. Things could have been a lot worse. We both had a great end of school year dance and date. You know, what we did afterwards. If you had seen us outside the park gates you would know what I am talking about, what I mean. An experience I hope will be repeated many times, something I could never grow tired of and never forget. Even if one day there is or could be another Lucy.

My parents see me as a good/nice boy and care too much about me and my future to allow me to go anywhere near risking a spell in YDC Dad would drop my pants and strap my little butt long before that happened It was worth those tears and the time to think and get my life priorities back in order.

I will be strong and my, my, er, I will be firm.


Posted by R.J. on 2017-07-22 17:33:13

Hi Jamie,

So healthy to hear your positive outlook. We all make mistakes in life. You paid the price for your's and it is time to look forward and not back. Stay positive and confident and I'm sure others will show confidence in you.

Absolutely a lickin' isn't always needed. At your age it should hardly ever be needed but remain on the table as an option if dad sees your behavior in need. With Kevin older, it is probably history for him. I never saw my dad as using the paddle or belt as a first round option. There were warnings and likely more second chances than I may have even deserved but when necessary, dad took it to my butt. The unconditional love is a two-way street & always be grateful for the good parents you have.

You and your friends may not see it today with all the social changes the world has undergone but looking back on my days of youth, I think I can honestly say I never knew a boy so good or near perfect that his hide didn't deserve a tanning on a few occasions. I was never abused nor witness any friend abused over a spanking & I suspect boys still today would benefit & good parents still not abuse but punish. You are the one who would know best if getting spanked growing up harmed you or Kevin or if many/most were unfair or not deserved--a little soul-search probably will tell you dad tanned your hide when it was deserved and you may have escaped a few deserved ones because you simply weren't caught.

I'm glad the end-of-year dance date went well and left many good memories for both you & Lucy. Never forget men were once boys too and I doubt many things have changed over generations as to how a date night ended or we planned & hoped it would end--be it in the park by a gate or back seat of a car. There may be another Lucy or two ahead in your life and that can be a normal progression and one or more may likely stir your emotions. Do think about saving the 'best shots' for that final commitment for life if & when it comes--you'll be glad later you did.

I can tell you Jamie from first-hand experience, the YDC or prison can house & feed you; take care of medical needs; help a guy get a GED if he didn't finish HS; or even stick him with a counselor who tries to break ground that should've been broken in a dad/son talk years before...but none of that proves better than a real caring & loving home; good parents and those dad/son talks with your real dad that has an unconditional vested interest in you. Sounds like you got the real deal now and for that get down on your knees and thank the Good Father above and then let your mom/dad know how much that good/nice boy appreciates them. I hope your dad would drop your britches, and more dads do it with their sons when needed, and strap your little butt long before YDC or prison even would come close to reality. It is far better to lay face down on your bed at home and shed a few tears over a sore tanned rear-end and adjust your priorities, than lay on an institution bunk and do it with regrets for foolish incidents you then can't take back.

Do stay strong & firm and know parents and others are likely rooting for your future successes. Take care & enjoy your summer.


Posted by Boy from New York on 2017-08-10 08:32:37

Hi Rick

I hope you have enjoyed your down time and had a good break with your family.

I always try to be positive, or to look for what is positive when things do not look good. Like I did with the situation I found myself in. I know confidence has to start with me but thank you for your encouraging words.

Licking has always been a part of my growing up- not often but enough, and I am hoping it can now be a part of my past rather than my present. I still do stupid things sometimes but I am learning how to keep, to get into less trouble (behave better, and THINK first). I guess I get warnings last chances and final warnings too. Some things can get you licked outright, but mostly you only get licked if you ignore the warnings and carry on regardless. If you do that again James I will leather your hide, and then you do it, and he does. But a parent does not need to leather you to prove they love you.

Lots of boys grow up good never being licked, Maybe they deserve one or two but so long as they work other methods of parental discipline are just as good, or better. Even if a kid would rather be spanked and get it over with. When I asked for that Dad said you can be whipped if you want Jamie, but you will still be grounded! But I am looking forward now, not back.

Maybe Lucy and I are only doing the same as millions of others, going down the same road as others, as generations of young people but it is special for us and we will take what we are given. The best things are not always planned. It is what happens in real them, on the night that matters. Your parents are delighted when you receive a diploma but the highlight for you is that stolen kiss when no one is looking. There are many good ways to say goodnight.

Will there ever be ANOTHER Lucy? This one has been through tough times with me and so far we have always been able to work things out. Other girls sometimes stir my emotions or the bulge in my pants. But they are not like Lucy.

I do not think I would be very happy ruing my actions on a bunk at a YDC or prison. Better Dad takes whatever it takes now than let me go down that route. Of course I want my independence, but perhaps not all at once. I know even now dad would have me drop my britches, and, and strap my little butt long before YDC or prison even came close to reality. It is far better to lay face down on your bed with a sore bottom to regret foolish incidents you cannot take back.

Having two jobs is hard work with just enough time to spend it. Lucy has lots ideas as if I could not spend it myself. In any case, Mom takes half of what I earn for housekeeping.

All best wishes


Posted by R.J. on 2017-08-12 20:21:00

Yes Jamie, the vacation time with family was a delight. Probably what was needed. I admire your positive thinking and so it comes easy to give words of encouragement to you. I've found encouragement goes much further with many of my young clients than criticism or reflection on the past. The system executes the punishment factor & I try to promote future and changes that can make it better.

Parents have options when it comes to punishment & usually know best what is the method required at that moment & for that offense. No dad enjoys spanking & no boy enjoys dropping his shorts to get his hide smacked, but sometimes that's the choice needed & likely both dad & son know that & accept it--the tough/unconditional love. I never liked to spank but as a dad I did and did it similar to my dad's way...bare butt & age appropriate. The fact that you say it wasn't frequent for you, says the ones you got left an adequate impression on both your thinking & your bottom. Funny that you say you were called JAMES when in trouble rather than Jamie. I knew too that I had pushed too many button when addressed as Richard. I doubt neither you or I ever knew a friend that got into trouble & didn't get tanned that we said we would've been by dad if we had done that and knew that guy needed that occasional busting on his butt.

Jamie, you are young and may find many "Lucy" in your life before you finally find the real one for life. Enjoy that boy/girl relationship now as it unfolds. Make common sense choices when together (both of you) so stay within appropriate limits. You go to school to learn academic/career endeavors; you date to discover the normal male/female experience & knowledge in both doesn't come overnight but rather years to fully grasp & appreciate.

Your dad would protect your future even if it broke his heart to leather strap your young bare hide, because he knows it would hurt more for him & mom to see you led away to a jail cell. You wouldn't ever want that experience & if faced with the choice, I'm sure you would drop those britches and take a whipping you deserved because you will recover from that better than a stint in YDC or prison. Lets both hope neither the belt nor incarceration are anywhere in your future.

Two jobs now help to keep you busy enough to stay out of trouble maybe. Lucy can help fill in any slack time as well as help you spend your pay checks and now even if mom takes half for expenses, think about what mom/dad face weekly in expenses and the day will likely come that half of your check won't begin to cover all the bills you have to pay.

Best wishes to you too.