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Parenting and Spanking

Response to Radley

Posted by radleyradley on 2017-05-06 08:54:45

Hi Rick

I am going to try and keep this shorter. I agree with what you say. Different punishments are appropriate for children of different ages and one which hurts your pocket or ego can be as effective as one that hurts you bottom. And by a certain age more so.

A quiet boy may be up to something, but some boys do behave most of the time. I am not wild and I am sure you were not ALWAYS up to something, Mostly good?

The punishment a kid would prefer seldom comes into it. You do not get to choose at home or at school. You have to face up to with whatever they come up with.

I knew cheating was wrong. That moment I got caught quickly adjusted my attitude but Dad thought I needed to feel the belt on my bared butt if my outlook on cheating was to be adjusted. Chip may have learned something, but I think he is too smart to try cheating anyway.

Discipline needs to be firm fair consistent and to hurt enough to change to your point of view, It is not worth doing THAT again. Like you said, if at 13 a school gives detention rather than swats, a kid might think skipping or forging a note was worth the risk even if their dad was going to spank them once home. I would not like to get the paddle at school but some still say nothing else is as effective. But for me just getting caught is enough to change my thinking

Always

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2017-05-14 23:17:14

Hi Radley,

Not sure if it's my computer or my mind fouling up but I thought I had previously replied to your message, but we'll try now.

I'm glad what I said seemed to make sense to you. Punishment should never be 'one size fits all' and parents are the best judge as to what is effective & needed. Age appropriate is always a good factor. As a boy gets old it certainly challenges his ego when he is made to feel more like a boy than the young man he perceives. So what seems best for you...pain in pocket or grounded or a sore bottom? Guys I knew as teens more commonly agreed that a quick over tanning on our backside was better than being grounded.

I'm sure you are mostly good/well behaved or at least try to be, but then there is that natural boy element in all of us and that is sometimes hard to outgrow. I always saw myself as well behaved too. What really were you thinking when you decided you needed to cheat at school? I'm sure you knew there would be serious consequences if caught. Was it more difficult explaining yourself at school or your dad? Both probably know you to be better than that. If you were the dad, would you have take the belt to your son's bare butt? If your school still had permission to use a paddle or cane or strap on a boy's backside, would you have still taken that risk to cheat at school? I'm sure at 13 never having been spanked by anyone other than my dad or in front of a friend/peer, I would've welcomed a second chance to avoid getting paddled. As you said Rad, boys don't get to choose punishment and the principal knew that was what Bobby & I needed and the paddle warmed-up the seat of our jeans and looking back he was right. My dad was a good man too and knew, just like you say your dad knew, to adjust my outlook/attitude on skipping & forging would require his belt on my paddled-sore bare bottom. Getting caught had changed my thinking too but my dad back then, like your dad more recent, wanted to make sure - I never skipped or forged again.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2017-05-20 08:46:46

Hi RJ,

As a boy like me gets older it certainly challenges his ego when he is made to feel more like a boy than the young man he thinks is, or would like to be. What seems best for me changes over time, whatever best for me means. Over time have experienced pain in my pocket been grounded and felt a sore bottom, Dad seems to know best, but nothing much has happened on that front since I was punished for cheating.

Given that choice I might agree that a quick tanning on my backside was better than being grounded. Either is going to get my attention but neither is going to ruin the rest of my life. If you are right quite the reverse

Most the time I am well behaved at school or at least I try to be. But somehow there is still that little boy element in me that is hard to outgrow. I do not know what I was thinking when I decided I needed to cheat at school. Guess I was trying to cover up that I had not dome homework. But thinking about it? If I had done that I would not have done it. I knew there would be serious consequences if caught but I did not think about that ether, only that I was unlikely to be caught, Difficult trying to explain it away at school and difficult trying to think of a reason Dad should not whip me Both know I am better than that. I know too.

If I was the dad, would I have taken the belt to my son's bare butt? Well I cannot say for certain I would not. It would depend upon the son. But there is far less CP at home now than when you were growing up at least here in the UK. Even if school still had permission to use a paddle or cane or strap on me, a boy has to do what he has to do even if it is to take that risk and cheat at school. But boys do not get to choose punishment and Dad and the Principal usually get it right. My dad knew how best to adjust my outlook and knew his belt could teach a lesson on my bottom. My dad wanted to make sure.

Talk more later

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2017-05-27 17:50:50

Hi Radley,

Certainly it does challenge the ego when you feel and want to be treated as a young man and you find yourself still punished as a boy. Dad does know best. If you behave as a boy, dad likely feels it best to address the punishment that fits that status. I recall my dad calling it 'attitude' and my attitude needed adjustment. Good to hear nothing much has happened...I'm sure you're glad for that!! I doubt dad ever wants to ruin the rest of your life.

I have found Radley many of my clients, even those in their 20s & 30s still possess that 'little boy element' inside and it is hard to shake off. Something we all go through. You made a bad choice and paid a painful price but best to now put behind you and move on. Don't skip that homework and now I suspect you will soon have end of term exams so keep yourself dedicated and do well with them.

So right...a boy or even a young man doesn't have the option to choose how he gets punished. If school did have the permission to cane, strap or paddle, I'm sure you realize they likely would have tanned your bum good for cheating and you are smart enough it seems to know you would've deserved it. Whether your dad would still follow-up with his own belt once home made be unknown since you say CP at home is becoming less frequent in UK. Again, best to put the cheating matter aside & just to learn from the experience not to cheat again in the future.

Message any time you want...

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2017-06-03 14:06:15

Hi Rick

Parents are the people who know their kids best, and who know what punishments work best with them. All kids sometimes do things that require punishment, if only to remind them not to do the same again. And parents decide when to treat their teenage sons like the adults they feel they are or like the kids their actions suggest. Das feels it best to address the punishment that fits that status. My dad still calls it attitude so despite the difference in age and generation some things have not changed. Dad sometimes thinks our attitude needs adjustment and he has an effective way to make sure we make that adjustment. Neither Chip nor I have been spanked for that (or anything) recently. But we were talking this morning and know our next cannot be far away

I was hoping I would grow out of that little boy element that lurks inside I felt so grown up and t hen and did something really stupid. Something I knew I should not do. I made a choice and it was the wrong one. I know that. And I have paid a painful price. I know I deserved that. But now I want to put that behind me and move on. I will not shop homework again for a long time- in any case, with end of yea exams looming private study time is down to me as I try to learn those parts of the course I did not understand first time around, and revise those I did. I have a good feeling about these exams, the sense I can do really well.

Whoever has an option to choose how he gets punished? If school could cane, strap or paddle I am sure they would have tanned my bum good for cheating and I would know I deserved it. But for me I will put the cheating matter aside now and make sure I learn for the future not to cheat again.

Chip and I had some brother brother fun this morning but now he has gone out. Roger is here and getting kinda frisky!

Radley