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Parenting and Spanking

Response to Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2017-03-26 20:59:13

Hi...thought the other was becoming lengthy so would start a new line to respond to you. Nice to hear from you and hear your thoughts. Sometimes with my younger clients it is difficult to relate how my generation was dealt with versus your generation & in ways boys still act out in many ways the same as when I was their age...your words give me a little better insight.

We always thought we could successfully cover our mischief tracks but somehow a parent, school, neighbor, etc caught us and we faced the deserved consequences. It was not easy to admit but when confronted, we knew we had the grounding or a whacking earned. As I got older, CP was less frequent but still an option...for me up to 16. I began to see dad's reasons and when I became a dad, reflected even more why my dad reacted as he did. When I got a tanning at school & another from dad once home at 15 over a school fight with a bully, I thought I was justified & dad would for certain understand. He said he understood but at age 15 I knew better than to get into a school hallway fight & so the principal was correct to paddle both of us and that was going to get my 15 y/o butt whipped so I would remember to always obey the school rules. Had you been in class with me, that cheating would have gotten you paddle swats at school since the principal/headmaster didn't use a cane...maybe another from your dad if he thought cheating was serious. Two times on your seat within hours, adjusts any boy's attitude quickly.

You & Chip may have deserved the ones you've gotten. I think my dad was fair with me over the butt smacks I got. Like you say, the absence or parent's fear to give discipline can lead a young person astray. I never knew a boy I grew up with that was so well behaved that he never earned one on his bottom. You can look toward yourself...you brother, Chip...maybe some friends and recall a butt whacking was a merited punishment for occasional stunts pulled. Discipline is best handled at home & if effective there, then school behavior will likely improve.

It was scary a few times watching a classmate taken to the hall & you knew he was in for a paddling & then everyone in class quieted down to overhear the 'pops' on his seat...excited too because you were grateful it was him & not you. Away from school, I witnessed a few friends get smacked across the face or turned over or around & get the smack on their butt. I felt some empathy for them, especially if it got their pants lowered first. My dad spanked me if he thought I needed it, but at least it was just him & I behind the closed door of my room. It was some support however during both school paddlings that there was someone else there too & he got swats the same as me. As to our pe & sports coaches and their locker room paddle, yes...I saw mates take swats on the wet bare rear-end and others caught snapping towels or other mischief and told to simply bend over with palm of hands on the bench wearing just their supporter or those thin gym shorts...fortunately it never was me. The two over the seat of my Levis stung enough that I didn't want to find out what the school paddle felt like on thin shorts or bare. As you commented, it is best that dad punish rather than school and especially if it is pants lowered.

Take care Radley...RICK

Posted by radleyradley on 2017-04-07 10:09:03

Hello Rick

Boys will always be boys and across generations act out the same pranks take the same risks and get into that same mischief. Even though there are many more ways to get into trouble now, the penalty is often less severe than you would have experienced. There are greater sanctions but the usual one is a time out or a go to your room. I think boys still have the same craving for a sure safe and certain male authority figure in their lives (a Dad) who can relate to them, and help them make good choices

Sometimes we think we have successfully covered our tracks but somehow someone always finds out and we face deserved consequences. It is still not easy to admit but we know grounding or whacking are earned. As I get older, I am not often spanked, but it remains a very real option. I have recent experience to prove that. Now I am that little bit older I can better understand Dads point of view and why he punishes me, and why he punishes me in the way he does. I know he does it all for me. Maybe I will remember that if I am ever a Dad.

It is much easier to justify your actions to yourself. So when you hatch and rehearse your explanation or excuse it sounds just about plausible. To you. That is until you repeat it to your Dad. He has heard it all before and knows you well enough to know when you are lying (Face it. We all do in our growing years). Even if he does understand why you did what you did, he says the reason does not excuse the behavior. And you get punished just the same- like you were after the fight at school, even though the Principal had already paddled you. It must have made quite an impression for you to remember it so well after so long. Looking back do you now agree that the Principal was correct to paddle both of you and that your Dad was right to whip your 15 year old butt? Did you remember to always obey the school rules after that?

My Dad said had I been in class with him, cheating would have got me caned at school. I cannot think why I cheated and why I thought I would get away with it. There was no way I could justify that even to myself. Dad took it as serious enough to whip my hide. I thought he was going to wear out the belt! But I have not do not and will not cheat again.

We know Dad is always fair with us over the way he punishes us. The belt is an option, but not the only option. We are whipped some, but to be honest not that often. We are not scared of Dad, but we are scared enough of his discipline to try and stay on the right side of the rails. We do not like getting punished, but we know it is to help us grow up and we are lucky to have parents who care that much. Boys who do not get discipline at home are the ones who most easily get into trouble- the kind of trouble that cannot be sorted with a few swats on the butt. It is better to grow up with occasional pain on your bottom. Discipline is best handled at home and if effective there, school behavior should not often be a problem.

It must have been scary if exciting to watch a classmate taken to the hall knowing he was in for a paddling and knowing it could have been you. And then everyone in class quiet down to hear the pops on his seat. When he returned you were even more grateful it was him and not you that was paddled. Did that happen much? How many swats would a teacher give? Were you/your classmates sometimes sent to the Principal?

As you know there is no paddling or CP in school anywhere in England. We know the coach sees us naked and so we tend to behave in his classes. In the locker room he is king and we do not want to cross him. We think he likes us, and inside we know he will not beat us. But on the outside we are never quite sure. It was not a risk we wanted to take. We did not want to find out what his running shoe felt like on thin shorts or bare.

We can talk again soon.

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2017-04-09 20:19:26

Hi Rad,

I agree boys today differ little from boyhood stunts and pranks over previous generations. There are bigger and maybe more serious risks today but that is just a factor of a different world-time. A dad is and always likely will be an important factor in a boy's life. As we get older, we presumably become a bit wiser or maybe have just learned from previous punishments from dad and require fewer whackings. I think as a teen, we sometimes dreaded being grounded more than the momentary smack on the butt, because grounded cost us time away from friends & events we wanted.

I suspect I learned something valuable from that HS paddling at 15. Recall it I guess because it was my last school one & at the time I felt it a bit unjustified. I think my dad was empathetic with my standing up to a bully, but no excuse for provoking a fight in the school hallway. Dad was simply being consistent...he promised a tanning at home if I got one at school & delivered what I had earned. I was overall well behaved at school & by 15 pretty much well behaved in general at home or wherever, so it didn't need to change my behavior attitude much. I still got my last belt whipping at 16 at home for my mouthy attitude. Sounds like that belt session then cured your risk & outlook on cheating. My dad never took off the belt unless my hide deserved a session & suspect most boys who felt the leather bare hide would say dad was 'wearing out the belt' or taking off a layer of hide. Did the leather then discourage you from wanting to try and sit soon after or even hesitate wanting to pull up skivvies or trousers for awhile?

Watching or overhearing a classmate get it, was an awesome and a true deterrent experience for everyone I think. It wasn't an every day situation but a quick method to resolve misbehavior and most parents signed the consent for a paddling so we all knew it to be an option, and happened often enough. Hallway swats were usually limited to 1-3...yes there were discipline trips to the principal & swats there got a note home too. In what we called Middle School (grades 7/8 & some places 9) the max was 5 swats; high school was up to 10. How do you think you would've felt Rad if school was allowed to whack your butt, then give the note home so dad could finish your punishment with the belt, like you got for cheating, bare butt?

We can talk later if you want...

Rick

Posted by radleyradley on 2017-04-18 11:34:30

Hi Rick

Boys are still boys and boyhood stunts and pranks are grist to a boys mill. The details and the content may change but the intent and the result is still the same. There are greater risks today than ever before butt that that is just to do with changing times and new ways.

A boys biggest asset is a good dad. Most dads will do what is best for their kids, or at least what they think is best for them. Dad, a dad will steer them through this minefield, keep them safe and help them grow and learn through firm fair and the age appropriate discipline. Sometimes a session on his bottom is the only way to get through to a boy but as we get older and wiser we probably earn fewer lickings, and more punishments that hurt our egos more than our butts. The belt is still there but we are more likely to be grounded. That sucks because we lose quality time and fun activities with our friends. Chip and I both sometimes think we would be better off with a quick licking for some infraction of the house rules

I do get into trouble sometimes but so does everybody. Overall I behave well at school and well at, at, -what dad does not know about will not get at me punished, but sometimes I still get that attitude adjuster. Yes the belt surely adjusted my attitude and outlook on cheating. I knew it was wrong as I was doing it and what would happen if I was caught. My bottom paid the price and I do not think I will try that again. It hurts too much to take that risk even it means I fail the test. It would be better to do the homework. I had to lie face down on my bed to start with, rubbing a sore hot bottom and hoping for some relief. The first time I tried to pull up my shorts my bottom was still too sore. Even when I did put my shorts and pants back on I could still feel the tenderness and throbbing of a freshly spanked bottom.

I do not think I would like it much if the school had been allowed to whack my butt. It would be even worse if they then gave me a note home so dad could finish the job with the belt on my bare bottom. It was bad enough just getting it once when I was caught cheating. I think I am happier that there is no paddle as my school. If there was? I behave quite well anyway. We do not need it.

We can talk more

Radley

Posted by R.J. on 2017-04-23 20:37:43

Radley...so true. Times change but boys over generations are still the same. If I saw a boy too quiet most of the time, I would suspect he was either sick or worth watching closely because he was obviously up to something.

Life in these times do have significant risks and could be described as a minefield. A dad is only worth that respectable title of dad when he cares & puts all on the line for what is best for his kid/family. Parents are not perfect creatures but just like our young people, both must strive to do what they perceive as right & best. When it comes to discipline, it has to be firm, fair, consistent & age appropriate. Some parents do realize that grounding a teenager hurts the ego as much or more than a spanking did when the kid was younger. What teenager wants to call a peer buddy or his girlfriend and cancel an event or date & have to tell them they messed up & got grounded? That thought you & Chip have that a 'quick lickin' would be best is generations old. I knew guys who would've opted swats at school to get out of after school detention. The same true for groundings at home.

At your age, certainly you knew cheating was wrong. Like many boys, at the moment you thought you could pull it off undetected & took the risk. The moment you got caught likely adjusted your attitude too--and guilt (maybe some fear too) set in. The belt has long been a motivator and adjuster and since it wasn't your trousers or skivvies that made the bad choice, dad knew it would be necessary to go bare butt if your outlook on cheating was to be adjusted. I would suspect that your punishment was a learning experience for Chip too--whether or not he heard or saw the results on your butt cheeks.

Believe me Rad, I didn't like the school paddle either...probably none of my friends or other guys either, especially once they had the personal contact experience. I knew my dad's promise & that the principal had already talked to my parents, so had no doubt what awaited me once home. If at 13 school had given me detention rather than swats, I might have thought skipping or forging a note was worth the risk & even if dad had spanked me once home. Be it cheating or skipping or forging or just teenage attitude, you get 5 at school on the seat of your trousers and less than 8 hours later, the belt on a bare rear-end, your outlook/attitude is certainly cured & you behave quite well for awhile. I think school and your parents might agree that there shouldn't be a need for a paddling on a boy's rear-end but then some boys take that risk and cheat & like you said "my bottom paid the price."

Later -- Rick