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Parenting and Spanking

Spanking my kids

Posted by R.J. on 2016-11-17 00:37:24

Hi Dave,

You present your position very well and I might add, I commend you. You know your children and what is best effective. I too have seen the affects of too many good but single moms who lose control of their adolescents/teen; no strong male/dad figure in the lives of boys who go undisciplined and w/o the guidance as to what it means to be a man/husband and dad someday themselves. I've witnessed young men who one would think too tough for emotions, break down in tears when arriving at their incarceration for poor choice decisions. It is clear that CP has no place in our Corrections System...but it should've been part of some of my youth offenders' lives and I've told a few that in counseling...remarkably some agree.

My dad used spanking with me and I used it as a dad too. I wasn't a 'wild child' but there we times I needed correction and when verbal warnings went unheeded, my dad never hesitated to tan by butt. As you say, it was to be a temporary stinging pain and that is what I experienced. I suspect it was your dad's corrective philosophy, that guided to you believe in taking your childrens' bottom for a spanking when needed--am I correct? My dad was good about making it private between him & I in my room & once there the paddle or belt walloped my hide that discouraged wanting to sit or even pull up my underpants for a short while.

I think you said your oldest was a 15 y/o daughter. You say you dad used a belt on your bare butt...were you still receiving some belt whippings into your teenage years? Were you spanked by dad more privately or in front of siblings/friends? Do you set an age limit when spanking your children should stop?

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

RJ

Posted by Dave2015 on 2016-11-18 11:14:55

Hi RJ, Thank you. I just try to get my point that a proper spanking can be very good as a discipline tool without being abusive. Going beyond that is not only wrong but can leave lasting damaging effects and have the opposite effect of the goal of raising fine, upstanding children.

I agree too that CP is too late when offenders have entered the corrections system but should have been used earlier in their lives no doubt. It's really a shame that it's too late for some of these individuals. I see so much potential in many of the images I see everyday but they just can't seem to control themselves at times they really need too. One fascinating thing I see everyday is that most of the inmates aren't the monsters that outsides imagine. Many are very human except for the one moment that they cannot control themselves. My father used spankings in me and yes, you are correct in that I feel that form of discipline has shaped who I am today and in a positive way. Although I don't agree with the use of a belt, that was pretty painful. I feel my father did what was acceptable back then and it did help me learn right from wrong. I don't use a belt on my children but do use the spatula as it delivers a little more stinging but not as harsh or lasting as a leather belt can be. I was spanked in front of my siblings, sister and two younger brothers. It wasn't so much as it was done to be as so they to could witness it, it was handed out in the couch in the living room mostly. Anyone if my siblings coming by could see it. I do the same with my children. It's not like I gather all of them around to witness it though but if the others happen to be there, so be it. Funny though, once my other children know one of them is getting a spanking, the other two will make themselves scarce, not sure what the reason is but guessing it's to avoid watching. I got the belt, same as you, wow, that left an "impression" on me too, both physical and sensational. I too had problems,sitting and dressing afterwards for quite some time! That's not the goal for my children although they all do a lot of butt rubbing after one I've given them. As you know, my children are bare bottomed too but the undies go back on as soon as they are allowed to get up and dressed again, save for anytime they have urinated during the spanking, obviously they go clean themselves first, then redress. My girls won't put their panties back on until they've washed. As my children have given me their bottoms and underwear, I hand them back to them to go redress. So obviously, they head to the bathroom first before putting their clothes back on. Yes, my oldest daughter is now 15. Although she is mid teens now but still a minor, I have no problem giving her a bare bottom spanking if it's needed. As she is pushing the boundaries more and more these days as a teen, I feel CP is very important with her. It sets the standard of actions versus consequences. I will never use a belt on her but she knows the spatula very well. I will probably stop giving her spankings once she is 18, then I will consider her an adult and on her own by then. She'll have to live by the consequences of her actions herself then. I will always be there to help and support her though, as well with my other daughter and son too. Do you have children? I'm not sure if you said so it not. Thanks, Dave

Posted by R.J. on 2016-11-22 17:23:51

Yes Dave, spankings can be a good corrective tool with youngsters without ever even coming close to abuse. Mine were never abusive and from what you have said, you grew up not abused nor ever abuse your 3 with spankings. I too have seen some very good and even talented young men in the Correctional setting that have wasted that good life on foolish and impulsive behavior. I regret to say I have heard and have discreetly seen physical abuse evidence from so-called discipline growing up--that is never acceptable.

As to the belt my dad used with me, that truly never came close to abuse. It was in my teenage years and the last at 16. All were straight bare butt and adjoining thigh only and never more than enough licks to sore-up the rear-end for a few hours and as dad would say, give me something to think about if I tried to sit anytime soon. Never was struck on face, hands or across the back. Not sure if it was a release of guilt feelings or affect of leather on my young hide, but dad could bring me to tears when it was just him & I in my room.

I'm a dad, but mine are grown adults now. I too regarded 18 as adults and if I had not made my point by then, it was too late and spankings wouldn't work. I thought at 16 I was too old by then, but my disrespectful mouth was overheard and dad decided 16 was not to old to still warm my backside--looking back, he was right.

Your kids probably never attended a school when the paddle was still and option for punishment. With kids the age you say your 3 are, maybe you didn't either, but if you don't mind my asking, were you ever paddled at school? I made it all the way to 8th in Middle School before I got my first school paddling and only once more as a HS sophomore. Both principals whacked the seat of my jeans sufficient to still penetrate a sting through Levis and my undershorts.

As you said, our offenders, even the more younger ones, are too old to have a butt busted but there are more than a few I found that sure would've benefited if mom or dad would've used your spatula or my dad's homemade wood paddle when they were still pre-teens or even early teens. A sore bottom for awhile would be a much better consequence than YDC, jail or prison. Some have said the same to me.

Thanks for sharing your response -- RICK

Posted by Jonathan Cool 13 on 2016-11-26 18:59:14

Hello my name is Jonathan I'm nearly 13 and my parents spank me when I'm naughty

Posted by Dave2015 on 2016-12-02 10:42:40

Hi Rick,

No I wasn't paddled in school. I'm too young for that, thankfully. I did get it however at home. I too had the belt. I remember it felt harsh but wasn't overly painful or abusive but I sure did feel the consequences of the belt for quite a while afterwards. It wasn't brutal but it left an impression for quite a while. We're you paddled in school? I was in school through the 80's and 9O's, graduated high school in 1996. Any form of physical contact wasnt allowed at school but that didn't save me once I got home.

I have never used a belt on my 3 ever, just felt it too harsh for them. I've found the spatula to be very effective without being overly painful. I can tell and have been told many times by mine that it dies indeed hurt, they do cry from it and do occasionally tell a little after each smack. I'm not trying to cause egregious lasting harm though, just a stinging bottom for a little while. My middle daughter received a spanking this past Friday night for running and rid ing on a shopping cart while hanging off the back of it. She,was earned by my wife to knock it off, well she continued to do it. Once I saw her doing it in the parking lot, I stepped on, told not to do that but as we got near our car, she did one last time. Well, she earned a spanking at home that evening. As soon we got the car unloaded and everything settled in, I had a little conversation with her about her behavior and her disobedience to both my wife's and my directions to stop her horseplay. As it was risky and dangerous to do that in a crowded and busy parking lot at night, I felt the use of the spatula was warranted. As usual, she was bare bottomed across my lap on the sofa. She did not agree but then again it's not her choice to pick and choose her punishments. I also grounded her Saturday to her bedroom until lunch, then the house for the rest of the day. Sunday, we got the stores again, no cart riding. Go figure, lol. We'll see how long that lasts though, she is a great kid though.

It's that type of punishment I feel is best. She was warned, she disobeyed, she suffered the consequences from her actions.

I can say it's every parents choice whether to use corporal punishment but I do feel its time for it to come back in popularity again. Some of my children friends,are just out of hand. I cannot believe what some parents let their kids get away with. Just the lack of respect to common decency is bad enough. The problem with a lot of our younger generations is that kids have no discipline or structure in their lives leading to an increase in unacceptable behavior.

I feel spankings are warranted for common disrespect towards others. Failure to follow the parents instructions. Failure to follow up on a given task. Any risky or potentially dangerous situation.

Those are the typical reasons I myself received the belt for and feel my son and daughters should receive corrective spankings for also. I have two levels though, the hand only and the spatula. Depending on what they did determined whats used on them. My oldest though has been trying to use the excuse of "on her period" to get out of spankings. She's tried it 3 times now in the past year or so. I don't believe that read on should exempt her from her punishment though and have told her that I am not really concerned whether she is in her period or not. My wife agrees with me on this and as she understands periods a lot better than I do, I feel I'm still correct in giving Alyssa a spanking still regardless if it's needed.

How do your own children feel about the spankings you have them? Now that they are grown and adults, do they understand that non abusive but corrective spankingsare given out of love for them? Mine don't quite feel that way but they are still quite young. I'm Hoping someday they'll understand that corporal punishment was used because I do love them and care greatly for them. I want them to be the best possible adults they can be. Did you get spankings for being lazy or unmotivated at all, such as in school? I'm having issues with my teen and her grades. She's not exactly doing te best in school right now. I feel she's not concerned with her education and focused more on her friends and social life. I've never spanked for low grades and I myself did pretty good in school. The only time I was given the belt over school problems was when I got caught skipping school. My wife and I have talked about our daughter and her grades in school, we,are concerned but other than talks,with her, nothing else has been done.

Thank you or you responses.

Dave