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Parenting and Spanking

Spanking my kids

Posted by Dave2015 on 2016-10-30 03:34:17

I am wondering if in order to make sure the spankings I give my children is as effective as possible ifishpuld change a few steps. For one, when a spanking is to be administered, I have the child stand in front of me while I sit down in the sofa, all spankings are done over the knew, my lap actually. Currently while the child is standing in front of me, I have them undress and hand me each piece if clothing. My question is: should I be the one to remove panties/underwear or continue to have them remove them themselves and hand them over?

My children are 2 girls, aged 15 and 12 and a boy, 9.

Posted by R.J. on 2016-11-02 00:05:55

Every parent knows best their children and what works best and is effective toward resolving a problem or reaching a goal. Use your judgment with these 3 children and discuss maybe with their mom since two are girls.

Just a few thoughts however...

Girls, especially at the adolescent/teen stage of 12 & 15, should possibly be referred to mom for punishment rather than you dad. There may be a better solution than spanking at their age, but if that is what you & mom feel is needed, mom should be the one to do it bare bottom.

A boy at 9 can benefit best from a dad's guidance. At his age, either parent can handle correction, even a spanking when necessary. Your son, at 9, might be more comfortable if dad is the one spanking bare bottom and whether it's a spanking with the hand or implement, dad might get a better lesson across now and as he gets older.

At their ages, spankings should be more private than a going over the lap on a sofa that implies in the family room or living room setting. Consider taking or sending them to their room or to the bathroom or a private room setting. Just having them bend over something at their age might work better too than over the lap.

If the bottom is your spanking target, then just have them go bare bottom rather than undress fully. At age 9-15, the spanking should permit some modesty for them since spanking is to correct behavior and not primarily to embarrass. They are at that age, old enough to lift a skirt/dress or lower trousers themselves and then their underwear before bending over to be spanked.

Posted by Dave2015 on 2016-11-02 19:43:00

Hello RJ,

Spankings seems to be the most effective with my children. Other forms of punishment and discipline just dont seem to last very long or leave a lasting impression on  on my kids. Each of my children have been spanked since the age of about 4-5. They are very familiar with them. Any younger than that and spankings kust have no effect. Im a corrections officer, a CO so I am used to giving out discipline but thats with adult offenders, not pre-teens and teens.

As far as spanking my daughters, yes as the father and a male, I understand what you are saying. Its an issue though as my wife has just about never spanked the kids. That position has always been left up to me. Altbough as she says, "I cannot spank my babies" however she is in complete agreement with the kids reciveing punishment spankings. She will however "sentence" the kids to a spanking but just leave it up to me to actually dish one out, she wont do it. I really wish she would do it herself sometimes but I understand her thinking on the subject.

With the girls, my wife and I agree bare bottom is the way to go. I know my teen daughter may seem a little old for a bare bottom spanking but its with her I worry about the most. She does the more severe infractions with the more serious consequences being a young teen. The rules my wife and I have set for her are for her own safety and when she breaks one, I feel a serious firm of punishment is called for. All the spankings are by hand or with a plastic spatula. The spatula is only reserved for the most serious infractions too. Im not looking to overly hurt my children at all but I do believe a temporary stinging is warranted on some infractions, especially with my oldest, shes the spatula far more than my other two do. None of their bottoms are beyond the moderate red stage. No skin or blood vessels are ever broken. The kids feel it but nothing beyond that.

As far as modesty goes, I get that point but as someone who works in the corrections field and is in it everyday, I have my opinion on what works. Like yiu mentioned, spankings are not to embarrass nor is that my intention but in my thinking, a spanking is a punishment procedure and several steps are to be followed in order to accomplisha disciplinary action. I feel each step is important as since it is part of a rigid, disciplined process, it makes the child think longer of what actions led to the punishment. I dont look at just smacking their bottoms as the only step. To me each step has meaning and is done for a reason. Neither of kids are completely naked but they are bare from the waist down. One reason its bare bottom too is that my kids, especially my middle child, the 12 yr old daughter is that they do have a tendency to urinate during the spanking. This doesnt happen each time but frequent enough that protection is used to guard against any urination. The girls have a small pillow placed between their legs to urinate into. With my son, I place a pan between my kegs and have his $%!@ hang down into the pan. I dont fault them nor hold them responsible for urinating during the spanking, I feel its an uncontrollable response they have.

As far as having my older ones standing and bendumg over something such as a bed frame or sofa, I'm not sure if thats feasable or if it would increase pain. I feel the extra sting of the spatula is very effective for more serious infractions.

I do value your opinions and advicr thoughand will keep all of it in mind as my wife and I discuss the spanking issue of our children.

Thank you for writing and speaking up. I appreciate your honesty and candor.

Dave

Posted by R.J. on 2016-11-06 19:41:33

Hi Dave,

Thanks for sharing further your thoughts and experiences. As previously said, you as a parent are best judges as to what works best/effective with your kids. I too have spent the best part of my adult career in corrections. I've seen the end results of a young person from an undisciplined or dysfunctional family environment. I have done significant counseling with offenders as young as 14/15 and into adulthood. As a boy myself, there were news reports of what happened regarding discipline in these youth centers (then called reformatories) and it put fear into me. Some young clients have even admitted they needed discipline growing up.

My mom was similar to what you describe as your wife's sentiments with spanking. It was always left to dad, but then I was a boy and that probably was better. Mom had no problems accepting spanking as a punishment but was better at time-outs or back then corner time and as I got older, grounding me to my room to await dad. There were times, that wait was a punishment in itself since I had time to anticipate what I was pretty sure my fate would be when dad got home.

A good parent, as I'm sure you and mom want to be, makes spanking a corrective method not an abusive one. A stinging bottom I'm sure gets the attention of all 3 without ever coming close to long-term marks or injury. My dad was very effective even with his hand on my bare bottom as a young boy. A paddle was introduced around age 9/10 and dad's belt as a teen. As a young adult myself in a talk with my dad, he admitted bare bottom gave him visual perspective to not overdo as well as make sure my bottom had enough sting to learn the intended lesson. I suspect you too were raised with spankings as a punishment option. Was it your dad or mom more often if spanked as a boy? Was it ever more than a hand spanking with you?

How do your girls react...I suspect there are promises and tears and signs of normal remorse, but react otherwise...when confronted to bare their bottom for you to get spanked? The boy is younger you say, but does he seem to take a spanking bare bottom from dad easier than adolescent/teen girls? I was always grateful as a boy, especially as I got older, to hear dad instruct, rather than mom, to bare my butt and bend over. Dad never tanned my hide in front of friends nor in any public place that I recall...seemed always my room at home. Other than consent at school, my folks never involved my friends' parents or others to punish me. If I misbehaved away from home, a mere call and send me home got the behavior dealt with.

Appreciate your response.

Rick

Posted by Dave2015 on 2016-11-11 20:43:16

You're welcome. I'm just trying to state my position on spanking, hows it's done in my house and why it's done on my children. I appreciate all the comments and posts you've made in the subject. It is a polarizing subject at that but I'm a firm believer in taking corrective action when needed and spanking is very effective for my children.

I see it all too much in my profession as a corrections officer on a daily basis. The consequences of what happens to many young kids when their bad habits, misbehavior and down right bad choices are allowed to take place without discipline. Many if the younger, even the older ones in the facility I work at have never had any firm of discipline in their lives. It's unfortunate because if that, many have ended up in prison because of it. Not to mention the victims of all these convicts that were victimized as a result of someone getting away with atrocious behaviors.

Spanking my children not only punishes them but it teaches them very clearly that an unacceptable behavior, habit or action comes with consequences. With my own daughters and son, I'd much rather have that consequence happen now rather than down the road where as it its worse and worse, they end up in a place like my prison. Not only does the spanking helot them learn, it prevents them from victimizing others in the future.

As far as my children go, yes, you are correct. The spanking is meant to be a corrective action and not an abusive one. Yes my kids feel pain from it but my intentions are only that they feel a temporary pain. I use the spatula to increase the stinging but not to leave a long lasting pain. I want them to feel it for sure but also to remember it after the pain and stinging have gone away. I want them to think of the spanking and especially what their actions were that led to it.

My way of doing it and the way I look at it is very procedural, there is set amount of steps to spanking my children. Each step serves a purpose and is meant to send them a message. From stripping of their clothing, to baring their bottom and getting dressed again each step serves a reason behind it. It sends a message to them that we, the parents still make the rules and they are going to follow them. IF they do not follow the rules, then they are going to lose their "rights" and submit to whatever it is that I ask and they will have to follow it my way, not their way.

Well to answer your questions, yes it seems my son takes the spankings much better than his sisters do. Im not sure if it's a boy/girl pain tolerance or a boy/girl emotional thing but tend to believe its that my girls are a bit more emotional than my son is. My daughters do get pretty upset once they learn that they've earned a spanking. They both agrue with their mother or myself why they feel they don't deserve it. They are a lot more apologetic, upset and emotional during a spanking. Their reactions are quite different than with my son. Both girls will very often pee during the spanking, not sure if its from the emotions or the shock of the sensation of the stinging. The spatula use will always cause them to urinate, thus the reason for the pillow between their legs. Once they know its time for their spanking, just seeing me get out the spatula and pillow will cause them to tear up. It does break my heart seeing them this way but it truly is for their own good. There is almost always tears with my two girls. The crying starts early and lasts quite a long time after the spanking. My son does cry on occasion but usually just during the smacks.

My children are always spanked bare bottom, the way I feel it should be. I was spanked bare bottom too. I was never beat senseless from my father but a belt was always used as I got older. It's not something I appreciated back then but as a father myself now, I can understand it was done out of love and caring for me back then. I dreaded getting the belt and not very often did I commit the same infraction after getting the belt. It worked on me! Dave I've been spanking my girls ever since they were little but yes, they are a bit more modest now when told to drop their bottoms and undress below the waist. I can tell they are  very hesitant sliding down the panties and stepping out of them. Hands go over the crotch very quickly but they know I've seen it all before so thats a pointless action in my opinion but I'm not so concerned with that. Currently they strip off their clothing and hand each piece to me to set off to the side.  I have them do this as a part of them knowing they are submitting to my control, they lost all control when they committed the original offense.  One rule is arms and hands stay under their head or over their head as they lay down across my lap.  They both know the pillow is going between their legs but often I have to tell them to spread their legs so I can place the pillow there.

Dave